How do you get over "I want to go where my friends are going"

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DS1 (yr5) goes to the local primary, which we have been largely pleased with.

The local Comp has a very poor reputation and results.

I have recently started to broach the subject of where he might possibly go to secondary school - just in a chatty way, no decisions to be made yet etc.

He is absolutely set on the idea that the only place he will go is the local school where his friends will go. He was a late developer socially and was slow to make friends when he started school, but now is very much part of a close knit group of 6 lovely boys, so I do understand his concerns. I also know that even if they all end up at the same school, their abilities are mixed, so they're unlikely to all be in the same classes etc.

How on earth do you persuade a 10yo that it won't be the end of the world to go to a different school and make new friends, that the quality of the school is more important, that different schools will suit different children.

Ultimately, how much say does the child get?

He's currently sobbing in bed because I just suggested that which ever school he goes to he'll soon make new friends.

Crossword Addict makes a good point that perhaps need re-emphasising: you are assuming that all the other boys in this little set will be going to the local school that you are nervous about, but it's quite possible that similar conversations are going on in those homes, and those families are also considering the alternatives. People can be a little reticent at the school gate about secondary school choices - we know how inflammatory such discussions can get!

On a personal note, DD2 went to the same (mixed) school as her sister (which has a rather lively reputation!), but most of the girls in her primary class went to the local girls' school - these things seem to go in fashions. She's made plenty of friends at her secondary school, but sees the others just as much, and in fact the groups seem to be merging. They all live in the same town after all!

Reassure him by making promises about when he can see them outside school. explain they won't be in the same classes. Explain the problems with the school. He's 10. However shy he is, he's old enough to begin to learn that some decisions are tough for the right reasons. And you can't guarantee the friends will stay. They might move away or switch schools themselves.

He will make new friends, and still keep his old ones. that's true of all the boys I know who went off to independent schools. they still see local friends at the comp outside school hours - play sport together, have sleepovers.

The best school for him will be the one that helps him grow and thrive most, not the one that allows him to shelter under the shell of a tight knit group of primary friends. You know that, he doesn't, so you have to weather the fears and reassure him that you believe he can handle it well when the time comes.

I sent my two eldest away from their friends. I could use the Harry Potter adventure/ you can reinvent yourself argument. The eldest DS made new friends and kept the old ones too. I still have huge regrets at times (His old friends are planning their prom- and he will be going to a different prom with his new friends). I thkn it may be better to break friendships, but most of the time he likes seeing old and new friends, and I think I'm more bothered about the prom thing than him.
The proof will be in his exam results- I sent him there to get good grades- He will sit them in a couple of months. I think in the long run it is worth it. Stick with it.
My DD in Y9 also sees old and new friends, but more new. She loves the school and they both feel a part of the school as its so good at creating a 'family' atmosphere. You can't predict the future but have to do waht you think is best. The child also makes a difference- my DS is less able than my DD- I would not have been so keen to make the switch with her, as she would do well anywhere.
Kez100 is right- check out the school yourself too- don't just go on hearsay.

I'm having the same thing with DD, also Yr 5.

She and her best mate are hoping to pass the 11+ and got to the grammar.

We looked round the local comps as well and DD decided which one she preferred out of them. We were happy with her choice, it isn't the top result comp but close to it (56% get 5 GCSES). DD has now found out her best mate likes another comp and will go there if she doesn't pass the 11+. This school has a 36% GCSE pass rate and we thought it was awful when we went to look round it. Disinterested staff, staff who were pushing the fact that DD could choose to do NVQs rather than GCSEs if "you don't like exams". I know NVQs have their place for certain kids but don't think teachers should be pushing it as an exciting option to a kid they met 5 seconds ago and have no idea about their ability.

Anyway we will put our foot down as hell will freeze over before I put it down on the option form.

My sister was exactly the same as your son. When she was in year 6 she was in a very tightly knit group of 5 girls. She was the only one that went to a different secondary. A few weeks in she'd made totally new friends who she is still in touch with at 27 and forgotten the primary friends. it happens.