Was going private worth the money?

[wisecamel]

Hi, I'm wondering whether it's worth going back to work in order to send DD (9) to a private secondary. She's quite bright, but no genius, has mild dyslexia and loves swimming, which she is talented at for her age.

No-one in my family or DH's has ever done this for their DCs, but I am tempted as I can tell which of my friends has been privately educated: they tend to have a kind of easy confidence which I would love to have myself and would certainly like my DC to have if possible.

We couldn't afford to pay loads, but probably could go to £15K per year if I returned to work, bearing in mind DS is two years younger so we'd need to do the same for him.

If you've put your DC through private school, do you honestly think it was worth it, not just for academic reasons?

marie you clearly see education in an extremely utilitarian light.

But I often pay for things that will not bring results. I don't care a jot. If they bring pleasure or simply make life easier, then voila. Job done.

I extend this view to my children's schooling.

And yes, I too attended a comp and 'succeeded'. So what? I also lived on a sink estate and 'succeeded'. Should I insist my children do the same?

Litchick - well said - I hate that uilitatarian approach to education.

Well I'm sure some people would look at my house and think what a waste of money (it's very old and needs constant renovation) but it's beautiful and I love it.

I'm sure some people would see my wardrobe as a waste of money. Shoes are shoes, right?
But I like clothes so that's enough.

One can apply it to anything? Food. Cleaners. Holidays. Theatre tickets.

Each person has to ask whether something is worth it to them. Often the value will be completely unidentifiable to others.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

So for one person to say 'you have wasted your money,' simply shows lack of empathy and imagination.

Tbh the worth of an education is going to depend entirely upon the school and your child.

There is no short answer. Go and look at some schools, talk to the PUPILS, look at what the children are doing, how they engage with you and the teachers.

With ds1s school the boys do tours broadly on a rota. The head gives them the clear instruction that they should answer honestly and their answers are between them and the parents.
Ds1 has escorted about four sets of parents around over the years.

When we looked we were struck by the obvious easy yet respectful relationship between the teachers and the boys and how engaged the boys were with their subjects.

There is no point asking about schools in principal. The private school most local to you may be shit.

Depends what you want from it. Academic results? Smaller class sizes? Better extra-curricular activities? Also, obv, depends massively on your child and the school you choose. Private school does not automatically = better education.

From my limited experience, I would say that anyone embarking on a certain choice of education should bear in mind that it is not an investment on grades.

Kids can not do so well in exams for being ill/having a bad month/year/and all sorts of other reasons. I would say that, although exam results are important, the education that an establishment provides is what makes all the difference.

The expectations set by families and schools are also key, as I think that children respond to what is expected of them and this is what gives them confidence - I believe.

However, my children are still young so who knows whether I will change my mind in a few years' time!!!

Thanks for all the responses! I take from marie's point that I should look inside myself to find confidence to give to DC - don't rely on paying for a school to magically do it and I do see where you're coming from. I certainly wasn't thinking I would pay to get higher grades.

It's a lot of money though, and a big commitment. I'd never given it a thought up to around a year ago.

My son went to the nursery attached to a selective prep school. Our intention was to move him at Reception age so he could go to a local state school. When the time came, we couldn't do it. Tbh, we looked at the progress he had made then and we really couldnt move him, but I suppose we were in a position to pay the fees. At age 3, his PE teacher told us that he saw 'athlete in him' and since then, they have done everything they can to support him. He is only 7 but they have arranged him to join the local Premiership academy. He is a bright kid and he does well in his academics, but I am so grateful that he is also exposed to resources that support his sporting interests.

We live in Bucks and are in catchment for 3 grammar schools but I would still want him to go to a Indie.

Its not all academics at Indies.

Nobody can possibly answer your question - unless they've eudated the same child twice!

Litchick - surely looking on education as a pathway to a well paid job is utilitarian in the extreme!

For sure, Seeker.
But I've never seen it as one of my main motivating factors either.

For me, I chose it because I utterly fell in love with the place. And it's my closest school (admittedly a lazy/convenience reason).
I thought nothing of A level grades or RG universities or contacts. MY DC were three, I hadn't given any of that stuff a nano-thought.

However, if one of the happy biproducts was 'a pathway' by which I'm assuming you mean good grades, contacts etc, I would be lying if I said I would be sorry.

Odd. On at lease 2 threads recentlyy you've mentioned well paid jobs as a primary motivation factor.

As for 'Who gets the best jobs'- the point may have been missed that it wasn't about 'going private', it was about going 'major public'.

The local private may possibly have better facilities, smaller classes, etc, but to compare that with the networking opportunities and rubbing shoulders with the DC- aw, OK, sons of the world's rich and powerful- well, different league.

seeker, tbh, I'd far rather more private choosing parents said outright' We've gone private so Hortensia will get higher grades than her natural intellect would dictate/so she doesn't have to mix with nasty poor children/so her grades will buy her a place in a 'better' university which will ease her path into a better paying job so she, in turn, can send her DCs private'.

It'd be a whole lot more honest!

erebus,

I think your last post is very shallow and a sweeping generalisation. Views like this do not help anyone.

Loads of people spend money in very different ways

castles It's the reasons I'd send my DC private if I could afford it, with the refinement of saying not that I don't want my DCs mixing with poor DCs, but I'd like the assurance that user-pays seriously improves the discipline and commitment in a classroom!

Before you flame me further, the argument works one way only: Amongst the cross section of DCs in a failing comp on a sink estate there could well be school-ready, motivated, well-behaved DCs (lord help them).

At a fee paying school the overwhelming majority, a critical mass of the DCs will be school-ready, motivated, well-behaved. And the school can kick out those who aren't.

Blimey seeker are you making notes?

TBF, I do have extraordinarily mixed up feelings about money and happiness.

I come from a very poor background and it is very hard to be happy in those circumstances. Your whole life is utilitarian.

And I do look at this country and think that an education is extraordinarily expensive, houses prices are stupidly high. Then there's the issue of the dismantling of the state. As Peachy often says, you'd better be rich or healthy.

All these things make me think that in order not to be unhappy, to have independence and freedom, you need a certain amount of money.
And the amount you need gets bigger all the time.

I wish we could return to the time when I left uni without any debts and bought my first flat for a song. But we can't...

So I don't think it at all unwise of young people to use their education to obtain a job that will give them a life of freedom.

That doesn't mean at all that I think it's just a means to an end. Quite the contrary.

I went to one of the most academic girls schools in the country followed by 6th form at a very expensive public school.

I think it was a waste of money and won't be sending my child to private schools. The highest achievers amongst my cousins went to state schools and 2 of them didn't even get anything much in the way of exams - one of these is an internet company owning multimillionaire and one a city analyst. I hated my girls school even though I was very academic.

Private schools close doors as well as opening doors - if you haven't been to one it is hard to reaise this.

Surely confidence comes mainly from parents and what they instill?

If public school children have more self confidence I would think it because (unless you have family money) most people sending children to public school are confident/successful - and have probably been well parented to get that far and will therefore parent well.

At my private school there were underconfident people too - often due to parental issues. Ditto my brother's school.

Yes confidence comes from parents

People who are lacking in confidence who went to state schools often assume it comes from the school but they are wrong!

Private education doesn't always give children confidence. I've met a few adults who - having done badly at private schools - were very unhappy people. They were especially uncomfortable around comp. educated Cambridge students.

Sort of, 'my parents spent £100,000 on my education and these people with their free education are so much cleverer than me'.

Confidence is also about personality (and upbringing). I have two very clever parents. One is utterly unconfident and suffers from poor self-esteem and the other is happy and confident.

If you are the former, your life becomes more limited but if you are the latter, you are more successful.

Honestly, there's always such a lot of rubbish on these threads, including the worse sort of stereotyping of both private and state school pupils. Stereotypes I particularly dislike are: "Private school children are spoon fed and can't cope at university" and "Private school children have loads more confidence than state school children". What a load of tosh.

I said above I went to a private girls school in London. They kept taking my parents cash when I stopped attending lessons.
My A level grades were a HORRENDOUS shock to my parents. Not to me or my teachers, or the 17 out of 42 of my year who had to retake.

So I went to a very well known Crammer.
I met kids from : Eton, Harrow, Haileybury, Clifton, Oundle, Charterhouse, Benenden, St Pauls, Frances Holland, Westminster, City of London, Wycombe Abbey and International schools from around the world.
All had failed (meaning D's or below). After a year there we ALL passed.
The crammer added VAT to their fees.
And the lot of us were barred from every pub in the area for YEARS.

Just what parents pay for!!
And interestingly, NONE of us show the crammer in out Friends reunited, Facebook or Linkedin profiles. Funny that.

Private can be great, but it can be an expensive learning process for the parents too.

It really does depend on the school - we have looked at some awful private schools. My dd was moved from a state school (supposedly rated good with outstanding features) to an independent selective girls school in year 3. She has dyslexia, dyspraxia and dysgraphia.

What we gained was - a quieter environment, no badly behaved out of control children, instrument lessons, proper homework, proper targets, proper games and team sports, extra-curricular activities galore, drama productions, better use of IT, better facilities, swimming lessons weekly rather than once a year for six weeks, access to her teacher, the head or the additional support tutor, usually on the same day whenever we encounter a problem and, most important of all, a happy confident daughter.

What we lost was local friends. Her new school is 12 miles away and she is on a coach at 8am and gets home at 4.45. We also lost the battle we would have had to get any of the support she would need to deal with her learning needs in the state sector. The state sector doesn't work for children with mild dyslexia. You only get extra help if you are very disabled or very disturbed. Failing to reach your potential is simply not enough to get help.

I know there are outstanding state schools. There just aren't enough of them.

no badly behaved out of control children
ROTFLMAO
wait till Secondary. The only reason a gang of us were not expelled was because they wanted the money. Hence why the fact that loads of us had stopped going to lessons was not reported to parents.
They did make us paint over the prep room walls after we covered them with offensive graffitti. But there were no sanctions for SOAKING the HT with water pistols. Or filling DHTs car with inflated condoms.
Ah, the joy of private school!

I went to a private school, and my siblings did not. One of my siblings is probably more academically able than me, the other v clever but not academically inclined. We all have degrees, one sibling has a doctorate. The grammar school sibling earns a lot more than me.

I wish I had gone to the grammar (I did have a place, but my parents took the decision not to move me from the school where I was in Prep). I was at a very academic selective and sought after school within it's region. But I never felt I was doing anything on my own terms, I felt as if I had been given a bit of a leg up, and was a bit of a cheat. I worked quite hard, got good results, but the whole experience made me uncomfortable.

And although I had not led a sheltered life I was SO naive about 'real life' when I went to University, because of the friends I had made at school.

My parents were not rich, and I strongly wish they had saved their money and sent me to the grammar. But I don't tell them that.

I am pushing my children to do their best academically, but at a state school.