Sorry... this is a bit long, but I think the details / context is important.
SS is 5 and stays with me and his dad (my DH) 3 nights every week all year round. The precise days/nights he's with us differ each week according to SSs mum's work shifts. We are happy to have him stay those nights so his mum can go to work.
DH is self employed and works Mon-Fri. I run a small business and also work Mon-Fri with some flexibility.
Before the summer holidays, SSs mum and DH agreed that SS would go to the daycare provided at his school on the weekdays that they are working throughout the summer holidays. There is a daily fee which they agreed to split between them. DH does also pay child maintenance.
She was concerned that the daycare is sometimes called off if not enough children are booked in. As far as I know this has only happened on one day in the Easter holidays. I said that if the daycare gets randomly cancelled I can flex my hours and help out if needs be.
(All sorted. SSs mum gets a cute new dog, and re-arranges some of the days we have SS as she's off on a mini-break - this is relevant.)
Fast forward to the third week of the summer holidays. SSs mum suddenly declares that she can't afford the daycare and alternative arrangements need to be made for SS on the weekdays they are both working. She said her family could help. Fine.
She then proceeds to ask DH if I am available on any day to provide childcare. I declined, via DH, and was quite annoyed that she thought I would be alright with that. Daycare had not been cancelled by the original provider. She had, seemingly, spent all her money on other things (dog, mini-break...) Her family (mostly her retired mother) looked after him - oh, with the dog too.
Fast forward again to this week. DH received a long ranting text from her complaining that he hadn't bothered to help out organising any childcare, that she was fed up of having to arrange everything with her family, and she is annoyed with me for not helping with childcare when I 'promised' I would.
DH replied, pointing out that the daycare plan was cancelled by her, due to her poor financial planning, and that she made arrangements all by herself to use her family instead. Also that I didn't 'promise' anything other than to help if the daycare cancelled on them.
Must admit at this point I was furious - the dog would've cost around a grand, plus a mini-break and other luxuries totalling hundreds of pounds. I did send her a text asking whether the child maintenance goes on the child, and pointed out that I am not a 'free childcare provider'.
She saw her arse (of course) and told me to keep my nose out of what she spends her money on and that she absolutely HAS NOT expected me to provide free childcare. The second and final message from me was simply pointing out that she has made her spending choices my issue by expecting me to provide a free childcare option to her.
She ignored me and sent a message to DH accusing me of being abusive (I definitely wasn't - there was no swearing, no name calling, no ranting, just very to the point as I have explained here). She said in the message that actually she CAN afford the daycare, she just DOESN'T WANT to pay for it or see why she should when her family are willing to help...
Wow!
So... why is she annoyed with me and DH? She has admitted choosing, without consulting DH, to use her family for free rather than pay for the daycare that they both agreed to, and admitted lying about whether she can afford it in an attempt to rope me in to adjusting my work schedule to help with childcare.
AIBU to feel pissed off about this?
(Also, for added context but not particularly relevant, I have 2 DDs of my own who are teens).