Moving dilemma - DH away 4 days a week but some family support nearby OR DH having a 3 hour daily commute

[pistachiopastry]

Looking for some opinions, experiences and/or advice please on the following:

We currently live in London (DH, me, and two DC age 2 and under) but would like to move out of London this year. We have two options:

1.	Move to a small commuter village near London, which would involve a 1.5 hour commute each way by train for DH four days a week (not much flexibility to wfh, just 1 day a week). We’d likely see him for max. half an hour before the kids’ bedtime twice a week, and for a short time in the mornings. We have no family or friends here, although it does seem like a village full of families, and we would see DH every day even if just for a very short time. So it’s a trade off. 
2.	Move to a larger city at the other end of the country where I went to university, so I still have friends there, and we would also have some family within an hour’s drive. There would also be more on offer for the children nearby without having to drive all the time. However DH would have to be in London 4 days a week (so would stay there 3-4 nights)0, so we would only see him for 3 days a week (with 1 day wfh). 

DH currently prefers option 1 and I prefer option 2…. Has anyone ever done a similar move with young children and have some advice?

Out of interest OP why don’t you want to raise children in London? Yes your house will be smaller. But the schools are some of the best in the country, there’s a huge amount to do with small children, there’s scope for a great social life, and when the children are teenagers they and you will both be grateful they have freedom and don’t have to be driven every time they want to go out.

And if you do decide to go back to work at some point, that will be much easier. If you’re based in a small village your options will be much, much more limited.

It’s not for everyone but if you’re there now and your DH is going to be working there for the foreseeable future, it’s definitely the simplest option.

My ex used to work away a lot and it broke our marriage. But on the plus side, when he left the kids didn't notice for a few weeks.

I loved London pre-kids, and still love elements of it, but now with kids I do see downsides to it, including a lot of crime (even in "nice" areas), dodgy people hanging around, overcrowding, pollution etc. I just don't think I want to raise children here even with all the advantages it has to offer. But at the same time I can totally understand why many people stay here and do... for many reasons.

Thanks @BusyBeatle - reassuring to know. Did your DH do it when you had young kids too? ( / does he do it currently with young kids).

@Wibblywobblybobbly - glad to hear it works for you!

@Sleepygrumpyandnothappy - I should be able to find a fully remote role in my line of work, so that's what I'd aim to do (or one where I would go in maybe once a week - this is what I did in my role before I had children).