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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

SAHM. Living Rural. Can't Drive. Feels so isolated.

40 replies

JammyBiscuit · 20/03/2023 21:11

I was just wondering are there any other SAHPs out there who live rurally, can't drive and have no access to public transport? If I want to go to my nearest town it costs about £40 there and back in a taxi, so its a rare treat to go out by ourselves. There is no public transport where I live. I just wonder if I am the only one? I feel like an alien on another planet at times! My dd is a 8mnth old baby and I am learning to drive, albeit rather slowly!

OP posts:
WomanFromTheNorth · 20/03/2023 21:25

Why can't you move? I lived somewhere very rural when my children were babies and it was hell! And I could drive! If you can, move.

MichelleScarn · 20/03/2023 21:26

How long have you lived there? Has this always been how you've managed expensive taxis?

TwilightSilhouette · 20/03/2023 21:30

I used to cycle with the baby in a bike seat. It would take me 45 minutes to get to the nearest town where there were baby groups. The roads near me are very quiet though. I used to enjoy the cycle and it was part of the trip out. When he got older I had him on a tag along and he would pedal a bit. It just became a routine.

Penniless · 20/03/2023 21:44

But why live somewhere you’re so isolated and disempowered? When I was on maternity leave and we lived rurally (I can’t drive), we specifically chose a village with a decent bus service, which was restrictive but necessary. No we live in a city centre and I walk or cycle everywhere.

Original poster
JammyBiscuit · 20/03/2023 21:50

It's a relatives property, so we have the opportunity to save for our own place one day without having to pay extortionate rental prices. We're so grateful for that but it's a bit tough being so isolated. Before I didn't really care as I worked from home and was happy to just go out at weekends with DP. But now I have a baby it'd be nice to take her out to see more of the world. I do like the cycling idea, but it has been a looong time since I rode a bike!

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 20/03/2023 21:51

sounds like my idea of hell! Can you ramp up the saving and buy asap even if somewhere you won’t live forever? Life is too short to be stuck at
home when you don’t want to be…

Maraudingmarauders · 20/03/2023 21:54

Could you splash out on an intensive driving course - DH/DP takes a week annual leave to look after baby (I realise might not work of EBF) and just really focus on getting that task done?

Lovelynondriver · 20/03/2023 21:54

I live semi rurally and had a huge seizure. I am not allowed to drive for a year! The buses are so shit. We don't have trains - just a mainline that takes you to London 6 hours away.

I have DC too. Thankfully DH does some school drop offs and pick ups but my god life is so HARD. I cried today due to feeling isolated.

I have to quit my job because I can't get to it anymore :( you don't know freedom until its gone.

Sorry OP. Totally feel your pain. We're looking at moving to a bigger city 100 miles away because I'm likely to have another seizure and I doubt if I'll ever drive again :(

Try and move. Isolation is the worst feeling in the world x

Doggydarling · 20/03/2023 21:57

Get a bike and carrier, it's 30 years since I did it and back then it was a plastic seat that attached to the bike carrier, my son loved it and often slept while I cycled, the right clothes and off we went. Now there are all sorts of trailers available, covered in and protected, ones to go in front or behind you. Have you any friends locally? Mine were 6 miles in one direction and 10 in the other but we made it work because it was so boring otherwise

Original poster
JammyBiscuit · 20/03/2023 21:57

In an ideal world but sadly it just isn't possible for us at the moment. I hope I will be able to drive by the end of this year so things will eventually change for the better. It can be very hard at times but i try and see it as temporary.

OP posts:
qpmz · 20/03/2023 21:57

Do you want to learn to drive? What's stopping you?

Lovelynondriver · 20/03/2023 21:59

qpmz · 20/03/2023 21:57

Do you want to learn to drive? What's stopping you?

You can type quite well but your reading skills are awful. OP says she's learning to drive 😊

Original poster
JammyBiscuit · 20/03/2023 22:05

Sorry was trying to reply to Lcb123 and pressed the wrong button! I'm a bit new here!

Yes, I am learning to drive, I'm just a very anxious person and it is taking me a while to be a confident driver. I hate driving but I am forcing myself to do it. I am starting to like the idea of the bike. Thank you Doggydarling that's great advice.

I am so sorry lonelynondriver but thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. It means a lot. And you are not alone, I know how hard it is. It can make you feel so alone. I really hope things improve for you. Hang on in there x

OP posts:
GlumyGloomer · 21/03/2023 07:21

No advice on living rurally, but I'm in the learning to drive boat. Also very nervous but have to persevere. Good luck, hopefully we can both get there this year!

WhatNoRaisins · 21/03/2023 07:23

Honestly it sounds like a recipe for ruining your mental health. Depending on how the learning to drive is going I'd really stop and weigh up the financial incentives Vs the effect on your mental health of being isolated.

Sun1908 · 21/03/2023 07:52

This was me a few years ago. Two under 3 during lockdown...Shudder!

We lived completely rural and although it was absolutely beautiful, it was boring.

I know you're trying to save but couldn't you jump ship and rent in the nearest town? It will be longer to save up but worth it.

We moved to a town for the eldest staring school. It's more expensive but best thing we've done, we all absolutely love it here.
We're still in the countryside but there's buses, shops, baby groups etc.

Whilst rural I used to spend a lot of time in the garden. Picnics, paddling pools, making mud pies etc. Did a few (Pinterest) sensory activities for baby daily.

I used to go for walks with the sling through the fields, down to the river etc. I got a bike just for me so when husband was home I could cycle to the nearest hamlet for a cup of tea and some peace on lovely summer evenings.

It's tough, plan a little something each day so you have some structure. The days fly by and you'll be driving before you know it.

Lovelynondriver · 21/03/2023 08:01

@Sun1908 sounds so beautiful!! Albeit isolating. Do you miss the peace? Or is the town quiet too?

monsterradeliciosa · 21/03/2023 08:10

I'd learn to drive. Presumably your husband is a loving caring man who would fund this. If not he's a dick and you need to be working. It sounds very isolating and why would it be best for your family for you to feel this way? You having a license would benefit everyone.

Lovelynondriver · 21/03/2023 08:13

@monsterradeliciosa she is learning to drive 😂

Lovelynondriver · 21/03/2023 08:14

I am learning to drive word for word. In the OP.

@monsterradeliciosa that little nugget of information is just for you.

PleaseJustText · 21/03/2023 08:38

Are you learning to drive a manual and if so, would you consider switching to automatic? I took ages to learn and never gained any confidence. When I switched to an automatic car a year after passing my test it was a game changer.

Breezyknees · 21/03/2023 08:39

Have you ever seen Cargo bikes? Very good for kids and carrying everything around in. You can pick them up cheaply second hand and it might tide you over.

GoldenGorilla · 21/03/2023 08:43

Does your DP drive to work? If so could he drop you and baby in town say one day a week so you can have a day out? Are there any local Facebook groups where you could try to meet some local mums or see if anybody can give you a lift? Also consider local Homestart groups - they can allocate a volunteer to help with whatever you need, in this case driving you places and providing a bit of company!

Emilyanna · 21/03/2023 08:46

What kind of rural are you? Large village with cafe and playpark? Or a single house halfway up a mountain with only sheep for company?
Do you have friends locally? Do they visit? Are there groups you could join/start? Like walking groups (depending on your buggy's capabilities)?

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 21/03/2023 08:47

If you can you need to ramp up those lessons or move. Your mental health is worth more than money in the bank and owning a home quickly. I lived miles from anywhere as a child with a mum who couldn't drive. It was two miles to the nearest house and ten miles to a shop. My dad was a farmer so at least he was around and they were both born into farming families and living rurally.
People see the beauty of living in such places (the farmhouse is now an expensive holiday cottage) but the isolation is very tough, especially if you weren't born into it. I would never agree to live so rurally with no amenities and I can drive.

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