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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Sahm to school age children

65 replies

Leader29 · 04/07/2022 06:48

I gave up work when my fist child was born. He is now 9 years old and my youngest is 6 years old. I knew i always wanted to be a sahm, and am so happy I have been. I also am happy with the fact that even now... I am there at a moments notice if school call/they are ill... and I'm there for school drop off and pick up.
However, I am lonely. I feel like in sit there for 6 hours waiting for pick up time. I have friends but they all work. I have now hit a point where I have nothing to talk about when I'm at the school gates. I don't know what to do to fill my time. To give me zest for life again. Going for a walk on my own with no destination, or the cafe alone seems silly. Iv got myself into a weird mindset. I'd love a little work from home job. But they arnt really a thing now. I don't really know what I'm looking for from life, but I do know I feel lost now the kids are at school. And I don't know any other parents in the same situation as me. Being a sahm to school age children seems frowned upon. I'm judged by other mums. I can't find people like me.
Does This make sense.

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 04/07/2022 08:26

Become a parent governor or on the PTA.
Volunteer - I run Brownies which is really fun and rewarding
Join some hobby clubs

Panicmode1 · 04/07/2022 08:29

(OP - I haven't read the full thread, so sorry if I'm repeating (can't bear all of the sanctimony and "if ONLY I had time to be bored" guff.))

If you've enjoyed being at home with children, have you thought about volunteering with your local Home-Start?

I've done a mixture of full time working parent, all the way to full time SAHM (8 years) and am now doing a mixture of two part time jobs, some volunteering and some sport (netball), riding when I find time, and I'm also trying to learn a language via Duolingo.

I think that if you have been at home for a long time and your children are getting older, it's difficult to reset your mindset, but volunteering can be a really good way to get your brain back into gear, your social skills reset and you may end up with a job out of it. Good luck!

PeterCannaeRun · 04/07/2022 08:34

I am assuming you have name changed from the opening post to the later ones.

It is all well and good people suggesting volunteering but with children aged 9 and 6 you still need to be available for them for the school holidays so volunteering in a school is a good idea rather than a shop that you wouldn't be available for 13 weeks of the year.

I have been a long term SAHM for 18 years and I do volunteer. I am certainly not bored. I only have one other friend who is also a long term SAHM everyone else did return to work but now juggles childcare and holiday clubs and swapping play dates with other parents who also struggle to afford the summer holiday stretches.

What do people at the school gates talk about? Just their jobs? Things they watched? Their children? I never had any problems talking to people for the 10 years I was in the primary school playground for.

Stop apologising for being a SAHM, some people think your choices are a judgement on their choices. My sister worked full time with 2 children, I never judged her, she never judged me. We both know that we chose these different paths, it does not pit us against each other. People parent differently. Each family makes choices on what works best for them. I absolutely love being a SAHM.

Of course you can go on a walk with no destination, you just enjoy the walk. Why wouldn't you go to a cafe? I think you are over analysing everything. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone as the comments on here demonstrate. But this isn't the 1980s with 3 tv channels. Even at home there is the internet, podcasts, audiobooks so you can be doing housework whilst listening to interesting things. On walks you could also listen. Stop being so hard on yourself, enjoy the freedom you get to experience.

InLoveWithARockStar · 04/07/2022 08:51

Being a sahm to school age children seems frowned upon. I'm judged by other mums.

People will judge regardless of your situation so try not to let this be part of any decisions you make going forward. I never went back to work after having our children, mine are teenagers now and I have no intention of it.

It sounds like volunteering would possibly suit you. I volunteer now our children are older, but also just fill my time with dog walks, exercise, seeing friends if they don’t work or have time off. I also quite like just being able to be ‘lazy’. 😅

Mum290987 · 04/07/2022 09:03

Sorry, yes... i changed my name on here, didn't realise it would show that above every post or comment I made.
It's lovely to hear others have had such a fulfilling life amd still being home with the children. It may seem old fashioned to some. But I choose to do this because I feel its right for my family. I don't pass judgment on those that work full time. It's just not for me. Me and my husband are very happy with the way our life runs. It's just nice to get thoughts and suggestions on what others have done with their time. We have a charity shop I'm our village, and I went to many church playgroups when my two were tiny. I shall reach out to them and see if i could help out.
Its hard to get yourself out of a rut sometimes. And find direction... and I think the pandemic has made that harder. My youngest started school in the middle of it all. And I took on the homeschooling of them both... which filled the days. Then suddenly they are both back full time and I'm left with a space I need to fill. Thankyou again to those who have been kind and helpful I thought this would be the best place as it is a sahp board. Xxx

liveforsummer · 04/07/2022 09:04

I don't think a wfh job would really solve your problem- neither will helping out on the school if it's reading etc as you'll have little contact with any adults. How about a dinner lady job? Our school kitchen team are fantastic, always full of banter and have a good time working with other adults as well as having a connection with the dc. They arrive at 10 and leave at 2 mostly so loads of time to still do school runs. Or how about a 10-2 shift in a shop? Easy to cover with the cheaper holiday clubs. Seems time for you to get out and do something for yourself

TheVolturi · 04/07/2022 09:08

I volunteer and I love it. Given me so much confidence and fills as much time as I want it to.

Fizbosshoes · 04/07/2022 09:12

I was a SAHM until my youngest DC started school and then worked pt (now I work ft)
I helped with craft at a local toddler group one morning a week but actually planning/shopping and setting up took longer than just than 1 morning. I also did fitness classes. (Although my situation was a bit different because there were lots of SAHMs so always someone to meet with)

Could you teach your craft to others ? (either setting up your own classes or doing as a guest with an already established group)
Or do a stall at school fairs/craft fairs County shoes etc? You would meet other stall holders or crafters.
Also, depending on how easy you feel it is to talk/converse with people, often age UK looks for telephone be-frienders to call older housebound people.

HarryPopper · 04/07/2022 09:15

I was judged as a ft worker, as a pt worker, as a student, as a volunteer, as a job seeker and as a SAHM. There is always someone with something to say. Do what works for you and your family.

Favouritefruits · 04/07/2022 09:21

I’m going to be in your situation from September, I’ve decided to do unpaid work at a local school, just two mornings a week. I thought I might do an Open university course too, do you fancy something like that?

Mum290987 · 04/07/2022 09:23

Favouritefruits · 04/07/2022 09:21

I’m going to be in your situation from September, I’ve decided to do unpaid work at a local school, just two mornings a week. I thought I might do an Open university course too, do you fancy something like that?

That would actually, yes I shall have a look. What will you be trying with open university. Do you have a direction in mind you want to go in? Xxx

Panicmode1 · 04/07/2022 10:28

HarryPopper · 04/07/2022 09:15

I was judged as a ft worker, as a pt worker, as a student, as a volunteer, as a job seeker and as a SAHM. There is always someone with something to say. Do what works for you and your family.

This - with bells on!! If it works for you and your family, you are self sufficient and are making provision for your future retirement, it is literally no-one else's business.

Good luck with the next chapter @Mum290987

(I also did free courses with Future Learn when I was at home - which I found an interesting way to explore what I might want to do after they'd all left home. I know I don't want to go back to my previous career which was being a surveyor anyway!)

Loopyloooooo · 02/09/2022 14:07

Don't get a job OP, get a dog instead 🤣🤣 ok I say that in jet obviously. However...

Mine are all full time school now and I'll probably never have to work again, high earning DH who travels, little family support blah blah blah. Anyway we got a dog who is lovely. He kept me busy in the early days with training etc and now gives me purpose to get out the house on walks in all weathers etc. Plus the kids adore him! Also I like the security when DH is away as dog maked a good watch dog, letting me know if anyone is near the house. He's not such a good guard dog tho mind, but I like to think his bark keeps anyone dodgy away even if he would just lick them!

Parker231 · 22/10/2022 17:50

Go back to work- DH can share drop off and collecting and school holidays or use breakfast, after school and holiday clubs. Shops like M&S need staff leading up to Christmas. Or try volunteering - food banks seem to be short of help with organising the donations and stacking the warehouse

Mol1628 · 22/10/2022 18:42

I volunteered in a charity shop doing their delivery and collection admin work. I loved it!

Changed my life. I’m doing a paid job for the NHS now.

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