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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Sahm to school age children

65 replies

Leader29 · 04/07/2022 06:48

I gave up work when my fist child was born. He is now 9 years old and my youngest is 6 years old. I knew i always wanted to be a sahm, and am so happy I have been. I also am happy with the fact that even now... I am there at a moments notice if school call/they are ill... and I'm there for school drop off and pick up.
However, I am lonely. I feel like in sit there for 6 hours waiting for pick up time. I have friends but they all work. I have now hit a point where I have nothing to talk about when I'm at the school gates. I don't know what to do to fill my time. To give me zest for life again. Going for a walk on my own with no destination, or the cafe alone seems silly. Iv got myself into a weird mindset. I'd love a little work from home job. But they arnt really a thing now. I don't really know what I'm looking for from life, but I do know I feel lost now the kids are at school. And I don't know any other parents in the same situation as me. Being a sahm to school age children seems frowned upon. I'm judged by other mums. I can't find people like me.
Does This make sense.

OP posts:

Change123today · 04/07/2022 07:44

Could you go back to uni/education - this could mean doing something that interest you & can start work once the kids old enough?

& please make sure you have a pension covering the SAHM period.

motogirl · 04/07/2022 07:46

@Leader29

Personally I would look into returning to work or starting your own proper business (not mlm) because I was you once, then as the dc approached adulthood ge left!

itsgettingweird · 04/07/2022 07:50

Do you have a town or shopping parade within 10/15 minutes walk?

I reckon a job volunteering in a charity shop a few days a week or working in a cafe/ chip shop lunch duty would do what you're looking for. Some adult chat and company.

Or even local library?

I'm thinking within walking distance because then you still get a good walk daily but it sense if purpose iyswim?

clarepetal · 04/07/2022 07:50

I agree volunteering would be great. I remember being roped into it when I was unemployed, and it was one of the best things I've ever done. So rewarding x

AntlerRose · 04/07/2022 07:51

You mainly sound lonely so Id think a volunteer role put and about would be better than an at home job. Then a bit down the line you might want a paid job.

the craft sound like a positive too. Is there a group you can attend or a club you can run.

amigreedytowantmore · 04/07/2022 07:52

I'd love a little work from home job. But they arnt really a thing now

Eh? Where have you been living the last 2 years? Huge amounts of jobs are WFH now compared to pre covid

There are also huge numbers of part time jobs available

To be honest sounds like a bit of an excuse there OP? Unless you live in the middle of no where?

MumOfNowGrownupKids · 04/07/2022 07:55

If you really enjoyed being at home with children, have you thought of becoming a childminder? You get paid to 'borrow' other people's little ones.....

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 04/07/2022 07:56

I do wfh but I understand the loneliness. When work permits I go for walks and coffee with friends. It might be worth seeing if you could make some contacts on a FaceBook local group. Suggest a lunchtime walk for anyone wfh/ sahp etc. Organise a trip to the pub in an evening for parents in your class if your dh can look after the dc.

If you are into craft then maybe also try doing another craft course and you might meet people. Or offer training courses in your craft. I find that I don't need loads of social activity in the week to feel as if you are meeting people.

TwilightSkies · 04/07/2022 07:58

You’re bored and lonely because you arent fulfilling your potential. Making your entire life about fulfilling your families needs….what about you? You need a challenge.

LondonJax · 04/07/2022 07:59

Ask at the school about parent reader opportunities. I used to do that once a week. A friend used to help out in the Reception classes with craft things etc.,

I started my own, on line, craft business. That doesn't bring in a huge amount (probably about £2 to 3k a year now) but it's rewarding and it fitted around DS when he was little.

Based on the work I did in the school I managed to get an admin job in another local school a couple of years ago. I work part time in that at the moment and may increase hours as DS leaves school (he's mid teens now so still needs a parent to accompany him to appointments and my job works around that pretty easily).

Churches and other Faith Groups are always looking for help in offices or other areas. As are charity shops or groups like dementia day centres or dementia cafes. There are also the dog and cat rescue places who need volunteers. Look at your town social media pages. You could also ask at children's groups like the parent and toddler ones as they often need help once or twice a week. Just to make the tea or getting more involved with story time or general keeping an eye on the kids. Most of the time parents are present so it's not a 'hands on' job - just doing a story or some nursery rhymes or tidying up.

Volunteer work can often lead to paid jobs. A friend of mine helped at her local church and now works for them, paid, in their offices.

SweetSakura · 04/07/2022 08:01

How can you feel people are judging you at the school gates? If they are there too then either they have a flexible job or a sahp!

In my work (public sector) even the directors work from home /duck out to do school pick up now. So if you want to work there is plenty of scope to still be there for your children. I have never had an issue leaving work if mine are ill.

NocturnalMe · 04/07/2022 08:02

I've read the whole thread and haven't seen anyone being 'down right rude people who arnt able to understand'. So this is a complex you have about yourself and you're projecting that onto posters here and the other mums at the school gate. You're obviously in a very fortunate position financially, they will know that so they won't be judging you 'for claiming something'. But there is really nothing wrong with claiming benefits even if you were OP.

join a gym
join a walking group
join an art/crafting group
join a community group
join mothers union
adult learning college courses
volunteer in a hospice, cafe or shop
volunteer in a church or church shop
start a small business
volunteer at a playgroup
learn a new group hobby or sport
volunteer at the school
volunteer at a National trust property

DockOTheBay · 04/07/2022 08:02

Mumz0612 · 04/07/2022 07:26

the answer is easy get a job in a school,

Oh yeah there are loads of flexible school based term time jobs available for someone with no experience 🙄

And if OP wants to be there for school drop off and pick up, or pick them up if they're ill, thats no easier in a school based job as you have to start before the kids arrive.

Riverlee · 04/07/2022 08:04

I was in a similar situation to you, and found I needed structure to the week. I became an Avon lady and joined a weekly ladies golf group lesson (wasn’t that much into golf, but enjoyed the social aspect. Also, became a volunteer parent at school - listened to readers etc. Could you do something similar?

Doesn’t have to be sport - could be a bookclub, knit and natter, dance group. Have a hunt around - look on church noticeboards, etc for ideas,.

VictrolaV · 04/07/2022 08:05

MumOfNowGrownupKids · 04/07/2022 07:55

If you really enjoyed being at home with children, have you thought of becoming a childminder? You get paid to 'borrow' other people's little ones.....

This was my thought too - becoming a childminder if you enjoy childcare would be a good WFH job, and utilise the skills you have developed as a SAHM. You'd need to do a first aid course for the age group you'd want to childmind, and usually a bit of childcare training with your local council which would give you something to focus towards and perhaps a good sense of achievement anyway, then after that it's just a case of getting a criminal records check and registering. All the info is on gov.uk.

You mention your mental health taking a dip in recent years, have you considered doing a bit of counsellor with your spare time? For a lot of people this helps them work out their next steps and what they want out of life. It wouldn't surprise me if your mental health and this feeling of ennui and lack of direction are all part of the same thing so it might be good to get some help and support with that. As others have said, you're still a role model for your kids and part of that is looking after your own wellbeing as well as theirs!

VictrolaV · 04/07/2022 08:06

**counselling

LethargeMarg · 04/07/2022 08:08

I think for many people being a sahm long term would have a negative impact on mental health as you're describing op. I think unless you are in the rare position of knowing a lot of other sahms it will be lonely . The reason being most people need to work and do enjoy work so don't want to be sahms long term . Depending on where you live there are so many job vacancies at the moment - I'm nhs and nhs admin jobs are often part time and quite flexible and we are struggling to recruit. My husband also has a very stressful and high profile job but he has had to make a bit more effort ('bit' being the key word!!) since I went back to work. Also these years go so fast in a few years the kids won't need you so much and it's good to start developing things for yourself now if you're struggling filling the days as this will only increase as you head to the older kids age.

Workawayxx · 04/07/2022 08:11

Volunteering at your DC school (or even a different school if they’re being slow . I did forest school volunteering and loved it. Or a job (or work towards it) as a TA or something else school based so that it fits with school hours and hols? My colleague is semi retired and helps an organisation that goes into kids schools and listens to them read. If I didn’t work and had school age kids, I’d also do yoga class or similar exercise in the day. You might meet sone people that way or at least have a bit of company.

Joyfulflowers · 04/07/2022 08:13

There is lots of helpful advice here, I hope you find something to help fill your time.

I know the exams have just finished but schools are crying out for invigilators-fairly easy to fit around the school run & whilst not the most challenging of roles, it's not full time & a good way to get into a work routine & maybe a more permanent role in a school will follow. Internal exams/mocks will start in the autumn.

Mum290987 · 04/07/2022 08:13

Thanks for the ideas. Volunteering sounds like something I would enjoy. Get me back into the community and being social.
As for the wfh... most people I know who work from home do so because covid pushed them to do so. They were already in that role before it became a wfh job. Maybe I am wrong, but locally I haven't found a job with that criteria. But like a few of you have suggested. Maybe I need to get out of the home in interact with real people! I shall carry on pushing for helping at school. It would be ideal for me I think. I have certainly slowly lost my confidence in the last decade.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/07/2022 08:13

OP what you have done sounds exactly the same as me. I got dd settles in reception and went back to work as she moved to Y1.

When she was in reception I registered with an agency and got some hourly paid invigilating work in a couple of colleges. A part-time job at one came up and I applied and got it. It wasn't TTO but it worked around the school day and holidays were quite generous and they let me take a couple of extra weeks unpaid leave to make it work. It paid a pittance but was OK as spending money as I had no additional childcare costs. Because it was local, I was close to hand if the DC needed to be picked up and luckily they weren't often ill.

After a couple of years I went full-time due to a promotion and they agreed to fund my professional qualifications. At that point we got an au-pair which worked for us.

I agree that when the littlest starts school it can be very lonely, even if you do volunteer and one of the drivers for going back to work was the fact that I was doing more and more voluntarily and having more and more limited time. But apart from that there are only so many coffee mornings you can go to and so many times you can wipe down the kitchen.

20 years on and it's the best thing I ever did. I shall have my own pension, I feel younger and more in touch than many others my age, it helped when the children grew up because they took work advice from two parents and I think it made my marriage stronger because I became less home centred and had my own career. Also married to a workaholic whose career was facilitated when I was a SAHM and beyond - the compromise for me was always working very locally.

randomsabreuse · 04/07/2022 08:16

You don't want a WFH job if the issue is loneliness. It's just as lonely as doing all the housework and you find the chores now impinge on family time!

daffodilandtulip · 04/07/2022 08:18

Get a dog
Join a walking group
Join a running group
Sell a craft on Etsy
Join a gym
Start a small business

Sittininafield · 04/07/2022 08:19

I found being a sahp very lonely and dull once dcs were at school. I got really down . Now I’m back at work and life is hectic (very) but I’m not depressed anymore. The other thing is that the school years accelerate - over in a flash 😢! I do wonder what sahms do when their dcs fledge and I would want to plan for that.

Sittininafield · 04/07/2022 08:21

And as roses said I ended up doing so much volunteering I thought I might as well do something that paid!

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