Am I a lazy, useless stay at home mother?

[Jackie7527]

Hi everyone,
So my children's father accused me of being useless because I dont have a career and I am a stay at home parent. I'm currently looking after my children (I have 3 kids all under 3 years old) and after my first child was born, I had to quit my full time job to look after her. I do work part time though, in a pub.
He said that I'm obviously not that clever since after I have done my masters degree (in business) a undergraduate degree (in humanities) I have not found a career.
Is he right? Am I wasting my life?

[CaesarsDream]

@Howshouldibehave

What would Woman’s Aid do if OP phoned and said that her ex-who she isn’t with any more-called her lazy or useless?

Advise her on what steps she can take to counter the abuse? Are women supposed to just take this crap from partners and exPs without any external advice and support? Just come on MN? Speak to relatives/friends who just don't understand?

There's also www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
Which is probably a better option.

OP, I only suggested these helplines incase you don't have any other recourse. I didn't.

[UserTwice]

And how is it that getting support and advice for abuse, calling out abuse, should be labelled 'fashionable'?

I'm talking about the trend on MN when, whenever a posters posts about something a man has done, even if it is a one off or fairly minor jump to "abuse". OP has had one conversation with her ex where he called her "lazy and useless" which was in response to her saying something he perceived as an attack on him. I'm not in any way saying this is acceptable, but there is simply not enough information to jump to "abuse". OP also admits her family and friends make similar comments (though perhaps in slightly nicer language).

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I do think I can still provide a decent and stable home for my kids

Can you do this if he drops his payments to the CMS minimum? At the moment it sounds like it’s dependent on his good will which puts you in a potentially vulnerable situation.

Between you you decided to have three children extremely close together. That’s going to have costs to both of you.

His often dose he have them?

[GlutenFreeGingerCake]

Honestly he is just trying to hurt you if you had a career he would say you are neglecting the children. Always trying to twist things to his nasty agenda.

[Ripley1977]

I agree with GlutenfreeGingerCake.. ! He probably doesn't like you working in a pub because you'll be getting attention too. I think he has not moved on from the relationship OP so is being nasty. You'll have plenty of time for career later on. Enjoy your time with the kids, they grow up so quickly! All the best