Does anyone else have to pick their partners underwear off the floor?

[CheesendPickles]

Basically just got told that he didn't see why I should have a problem with this because I don't do anything else anymore.... I'm extremely hurt. I really feel he resents me for being a SAHP. Our DC is 8 months old.

My exh did this , I was young and naive so I picked up his pants. It was the tip of the iceberg though, he was vile and disrespectful in many ways.

If my dh did this I'd just step over them. If my kids do it I tell them that they need to bring their clothes to the laundry basket.

Are you married? If not, don't be a SAHP. Either get married or get a job. Especially important when you've procreated with a dickhead.

@RunRabbitRunRabbit I am married. He's not a dick head just a bit thoughtless sometimes.

Ah, then you are fine. Stop picking them up and simply do not crack first.

If you and he are logically minded people, perhaps make yourself a job description as a SAHP. Responsibilities, hours of work, etc. Be clear in your own mind about what you do all day and why, also when/where your sole responsibility ends and joint responsibility comes in. Then you will be able to discuss with him more transparently and negotiate differences.

Ultimately he can only get away with treating you like you have lower value if you cooperate. Being a difficult woman, and owning it, is tremendously liberating.

This might sound a bit radical but put a laundry bag in the bedroom

From your OP, I think he's acting like a dickhead. If he isn't actually a dickhead, why does he think speaking to you like this is suddenly ok? If it's out of character you could do with having a coversation about this to see where his head is.

Basically just got told that he didn't see why I should have a problem with this because I don't do anything else anymore

He's not a dick head just a bit thoughtless sometimes

Those two statements are complete contradictions OP.

Put the laundry basket on top of his underwear

Nope but 21 year old son leaves a trail of clothes like breadcrumbs, grrrrrr. Not for the lack of years and years of moaning too.

When my children leave their underwear on the floor I pick them up and put them in the dustbin. They soon learn.

I'm sorry to say this but your husband sounds like an entitled sexist pig.

Lol. Off the floor, sonetimes its in the bed, behind the bed, on top of the wash basket, in front of the washing machine.
Men are men, a lot of the time they think us women don't do anything so we should be picking up after them, running around making their lunch ect. I get annoyed but at same time don't kind. I'm a sahm so he goes and earns the money sometimes he's gone for 12 hours due to work and travel time. Myself and himself equally have long days but it is spread out differently. Whereas he can sit down for a long period driving. But me? I can snack, drink tea, eat, go to the loo whenever I want. I dont have to wait for specific times!

I lived once with a disrespectful cunt

He left damp towels on the floor and his underwear. It just used to pile up. I'd pop it in the wheely bin in the end when the piles got annoying enough.

My 7 y o manages to sort it, so no I'd not be tolerating that

'Men are men,'

FFS

Yes me, along with the rest of the clothes he had on the day before, and used flannels left on the side of the bath.. I told dh to start putting them in the wash. He often still doesn't so I pick them up, can't stand them left there.

'I should have a problem with this because I don't do anything else anymore....'

Blimey

Is this level of disrespect alright with you Op?

I would pick them up and put them in the bin. He'll soon change once he realises he has none and has to go commando for a day

Men are men, a lot of the time they think us women don't do anything so we should be picking up after them, running around making their lunch ect

I'm a man, don't lump me in with that statement, it's offensive to me.

I'd I ever treats a partner in that fashion I would be fucking ashamed of myself. A grown adult should be capable of cleaning after themselves and making their own lunch, if they're not, they're more like children.

I'd be having a chat with him about what he thought I was spending my day doing, and if he valued it.

You say he thinks you don't do anything anymore. He surely can't be serious? You have an 8 month old. If he seriously thinks you're not doing anything, it suggests he isn't pulling his weight with your child on the days he is not working. I would try the usual MN suggestion to go out for a full day and leave him with the baby. Don't set anything up for him. Leave him to work out what clothes to dress the baby in, what to feed it, how to entertain it, etc.

When you come back, have a look at the state of the house. If it is less tidy than you leave it, point that out. Then point out you do all this and more every day. Then ask him if he truly thinks you do nothing all day. Ask him if he thinks you should be picking up the dirty clothes of a fully grown adult.

My worry is that he is nursing an idea that he is superior to you, because he goes out of the house to work. This can become contempt, if you're not careful. Nip it in the bud.

No , never. He is an adult. We both put dirty laundry in the basket and whoever sees that the basket is full puts it in the washing machine.

Some posters appear to live with partners with no respect for you or your home.

My DH would never expect me to pick up his dirty underwear or any of his dirty clothing for that matter. I don't work and am at home all day and he works long hours but he respects me enough to understand that i am not his servant and that he is well able to pick stuff up and put it away or into the laundry basket.

Not a chance I'd be putting up with that from anyone in this house.
It'd be the ultimate signal that they think I'm Dobby the House Elf.
Everyone has already said and I agree, it's disrespectful and insulting to view your supposedly equal partner as your personal skivvy...
Offer him the chance to show what he's made of by clearing off for a full weekend and giving yourself a break. And leave a big old trail of dirty clothes, towels and plates behind you as you go out the door...he can pick them up, he's got nothing else to do after all

MarthasGinYard you make me belly laugh

He leaves all his clothes on the bedroom floor and socks all over the living room but there’s no way on earth I’m picking them up for him.

They stay where they fall - until he runs out and gathers them all up and puts them in the washing machine

I also get stuff like jeans with one leg inside out or jumpers and shirts with one arm inside out. They get washed, dried and returned to him like it. I’m not faffing about sticking my hand up wet jeans legs because he CBA to put them in the wash properly.

I really couldn’t get excited about a pair of trunks on the bedroom floor. If I’m at home I’m happy to pick up the previous evenings laundry and put it in the machine and if he’s up first he’ll pick it up and do it for both of us. It might be a shirt, socks, tights, underwear - I can’t see it really matters. Whoever passes it simply bends down and does it.
Oddly, I don’t mind picking up the adult children’s laundry, wet towels, socks, dresses, shirts, underwear and popping in the wash either. Just as they’ll strip a bed or unload the dishwasher.
It’s a non issue unless you make it one just for the fight.

Chery

It's a non issue with you because your all pulling your weight which is totally how it should be and not what the op has described..

I’d be tempted to put any discarded items in the bin, not the asking machine.