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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

SAHP who don't drive

40 replies

likeacrow · 06/03/2018 10:08

Am I alone in this? Strictly speaking I'm not a full time SAHM as I do the odd day of work (like 3-6 days a month) but for the vast majority of the time I am a SAHM. I don't drive and my 11 month old isn't in nursery or any other form of childcare. Grandparents come and spend time with her for a few hours a week allowing me to get bits done but they don't look after her as such (i.e. naps and meal times and so on are all me, or DH when he's home).
I take her to baby groups and soft play within walking distance and it's great getting the fresh air and exercise when the weather is okay. Not so much when it's not. In fact, it can be pretty isolating and depressing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world in this situation. I'm the only one I know of anyway.
I guess it'd just make me feel a bit better to know I'm not... Smile
Anyone?

OP posts:
Nomad86 · 09/03/2018 21:34

Me too. I live in a village with buses and trains so it's quite easy to get around. DH commutes by bus so we don't need a car. I've never found it a problem apart from the odd children's party we struggle to get to. Usually friends offer lifts and I pay the petrol and parking. It's good for children to get confident on public transport and we just hire the occasional car for the weekend if we need to.

Not owning a car saved us a fortune and it encourages us to walk. As a result, my DC were out of a pushchair early and are really well behaved on public transport. I think it does limit where we can live though, as I'd feel very isolated somewhere more rural.

applesandpears56 · 09/03/2018 21:38

I do know of a few people like you - but it drives me nuts as means I’m always the one travelling or having to stick to their limited area
Is there a local taxi company? Taxis once or twice a week would be much cheaper than a car and give you freedom
But you should learn to drive! It’s a life skill and you should show your kids you and they can overcome their fears and do anything!

Grobagsforever · 10/03/2018 08:34

Learn to drive woman! No financial or transport independence makes you doubly vulnerable

NataliaOsipova · 10/03/2018 08:43

I think you'll find it a lot more difficult when your DD gets older, to be honest. As they get older, their "area" naturally widens - there'll be parties when they go to school, as the most obvious answer. Unless you live in central London, I think that'd be hard.

Is there a reason you don't/can't drive?

Mintylemons · 10/03/2018 08:45

I’m a SAHP and I don’t drive, I do live in London though. It’s one of the reasons I probably wouldn’t move out of the city.

ariettyspaghetti · 10/03/2018 08:47

So... why don't you get a licence> car?

museumum · 10/03/2018 08:49

Loads of people here do my drive. But we’re in a compact city. I’d think twice about doing something with a group at least be if the few venues off public transport as I wouldn’t assume all would have car use.

Eggzandbacon · 10/03/2018 08:51

I didn't drive when DD was small which was fine.

She is 9 now and I couldn't do without mostly for her out of school activity- which is a ten minute drive or an hour on public transport or a fortune in taxis as it's in a different town.
We can do much more in the holidays now

flumpybear · 10/03/2018 08:52

I'm far too independent not to drive so personally it would make me feel very low so wouldn't put myself in that situation

But I guess goes the same for being a SAHP as again my independence would kick in, I need to work so I can earn money - I've seen far too many people not have a job, their husbands have affairs and leave them with fuck all - never going to put myself in such a vulnerable position where somebody else can literally pull the rug from under your world.

Ok that was a little more than you asked HmmConfused

EB123 · 10/03/2018 08:54

I am a sahm mum of three and i don't drive. We walk, we get the bus, we get the train, we don't stay in walking distance of home, we live in an area with fairly good public transport which makes it easy enough.

danTDM · 10/03/2018 08:55

I don't drive. Really resent the attitude to this, I walk everywhere or take public transport. Absolutely nothing wrong with this IMO. Don't worry OP

I think attitudes to everyone having cars will change in the next decade. A woman next door to me drives her children to and from school every day. School is a ten minute walk FFS!

Needless to say, the whole family is overweight.

JuniLoolaPalooza · 10/03/2018 08:55

I do drive but have friends that don't. They do have to stick to their own area a bit, as to get across the city (to me for example) takes two buses and hours of time. I don't particularly like always going to them as ther is no parking and it gets a bit tedious.

Do you have local friends? Not driving isn't a problem in itself, as long as you have a good network/activities that are accessible.

danTDM · 10/03/2018 08:57

Oh, and I couldn't be more independent BTW. On my own in a foreign country,

danTDM · 10/03/2018 08:58

I have NEVER asked ANYONE for a lift.

PineappleScrunchie · 10/03/2018 08:59

Couldn’t help yourselve though could you flumpy

purpleme12 · 10/03/2018 08:59

I only work 2 days a week. I don't drive.
I used to live in the county which had bus every hour if you're lucky.
We were and are fine. Life is what you make it. You shouldn't drive just cos some people on here disagree with you not driving.

danTDM · 10/03/2018 09:05

Here here purpleme Well said.

We'll have someone saying 'what if you need to get to hospital' next!

wellhonestly · 10/03/2018 09:06

You are not alone!

This was me when my DCs were small, we had a great time and Nomad's experience sounds very similar to mine.

You have to accept that it can limit your horizons - on the other hand we try to be eco-conscious anyway and do things that are on our doorstep or reachable by bus, rather than drive for miles.

On the plus side, I found that I had more time to talk to my kids when they were small and show them things as we went along. In a car you kind of whizz past the horse/digger/whatever and it's gone, and anyway you are busy driving and need to concentrate on that.

We did acquire a car when it was time for the DCs to learn to drive.

wellhonestly · 10/03/2018 09:10

Oh, and you will become very conversant with waterproof clothing/ footwear both for you and DCs. Smile

Grobagsforever · 10/03/2018 09:13

If you learn to drive it will give you more options when you want to return to work though.

Didiusfalco · 10/03/2018 09:18

I’m in a similar position. I do a bit of part time but some of that from home. I do drive but dh has the car at work 7.00-7.00 (and it’s a company car so no movement on that!) I’ve found this winter hard and I know there is more me and the dc could do with a car. I’ve also missed out on doing one or two things with friends where the meeting point has been really inaccessible by public transport. On the plus side I’ve got really fit pushing the pushchair everywhere!

windchimesabotage · 10/03/2018 09:20

I am a SAHM and I dont drive and I live in a rural location.

My son is not in nursery yet either and im pregnant.
The snow storms nearly finished me off!
My husband works 13 hour days and my family all live abroad so if im stuck in the house im literally completely alone day after day.

I do know someone in the village and I also go to playgroups but these are a 30 min walk away. I live up in the hills and so I cannot get anywhere if the weather is bad. There is a small play park across the road from my house thankfully.

In the summer its amazing because I live near some national trust estates and also its only a 45 min walk down the river into an actual town which has a train station. Love it here in summer!

Very isolating in the winter sadly.
I cant realistically learn to drive in the next couple of years due to finances and the new baby coming. Nor will I be going back to work.

Hoping that when my son starts nursery ill meet some women who are also SAHM

Oddsocksforeveryone · 10/03/2018 09:27

Sahm here who doesn't drive. 4dc, don't get others to drive me around but we live 7min walk from school, half hour from town and 25 min walk from a large shopping centre and there are busses that go to them too. When my DH moved here he was shocked how much walking I did because he just drove everywhere. Its fairly common where I live.

TalkFastThinkSlow · 10/03/2018 09:32

I admit, I am not a SAHM, but I don't drive either. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with that. If everyone drove, our roads would be even more over-saturated with vehicles!

I am learning to drive now, though, but that's because I sometimes need to travel into london at the weekend, and it would be easier if I could drive. At the moment, DP is my chauffeur and it actually really annoys me that he is!

MySockIsWetAgain · 10/03/2018 10:23

I don't drive and neither does DH. We're both employed, perfectly independent, and don't "have to stick to our own area" (we live in a city but not in London). There is public transport. We plan to take taxis occasionally when a car is necessary, but to be honest have done this twice since DS was born. We have a buggy and a sling and know how to walk. We have also not been begging friends to drive us or meet us at ours; we go where we need to on the metro and bus. I find the attitudes to driving on this thread very oldfashioned; certainly in the world running out of petrol people should not be driving their kids to a school 10min walk away and considered not proper grown ups if they don't?