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SAHP who don't drive

40 replies

likeacrow · 06/03/2018 10:08

Am I alone in this? Strictly speaking I'm not a full time SAHM as I do the odd day of work (like 3-6 days a month) but for the vast majority of the time I am a SAHM. I don't drive and my 11 month old isn't in nursery or any other form of childcare. Grandparents come and spend time with her for a few hours a week allowing me to get bits done but they don't look after her as such (i.e. naps and meal times and so on are all me, or DH when he's home).
I take her to baby groups and soft play within walking distance and it's great getting the fresh air and exercise when the weather is okay. Not so much when it's not. In fact, it can be pretty isolating and depressing.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world in this situation. I'm the only one I know of anyway.
I guess it'd just make me feel a bit better to know I'm not... Smile

OP posts:

likeacrow · 10/03/2018 13:34

Thanks so much for the responses, particularly those suggesting I learn to drive. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT...
I have taken and failed my test 4 times and currently can't afford to keep throwing money at the situation.
Honestly, some of the twatty responses! And suggesting my husband might leave me if I don't work?! Luckily I'm not that insecure and he values the work I do raising our child (plus I do actually do paid work if you'd read my op properly).
Good to know I'm not the only one in this situation though, so genuinely thank you for those responses.

OP posts:

Lollyb86 · 10/03/2018 13:45

I don't drive, I work part time (32 hours a week - shift work) DH drives and we wouldn't be able to afford to run 2 cars. He needs the car more than I would so there really iant much point me learning to drive. We manage fine. DD and I walk/bus/train etc when we need to but we do have DH to drive places when he isn't working so I suppose that make a a difference


likeacrow · 10/03/2018 14:13

My DH drives too Lollyb86 so we get out & about a lot when he's not working. The times between can just seem quite long however as I only work the odd day here &there when DH is off; I'm primarily a SAHM.

OP posts:

flumpybear · 11/03/2018 00:02

Likeacrow if you're taking about my comment about not about husband leaving anyone if they don't have a job - it's the independence and ability to support yourself if a marriage goes wrong, m


InDubiousBattle · 12/03/2018 15:29

I'm a SAHM with 2 dc and I don't drive. Tbh for me it's the cost of it that has put me off so far, i've preferred having more cash to do stuff than lessons and a car. I started a thread yonks ago about the general cost of learning how to drive and then running a car and the general gist was 'it's really, really exoensive'. My eldest is 4 now and I think the balance is starting to tip in favour of driving though, managing the school run will be easier with a car .

How many different driving instructors have you had?


BroomstickOfLove · 12/03/2018 15:36

I was a SAHP for 10 years and couldn't drive. But DP can't drive either, and our life is set up to work around that, so we live within walking distance of most places we want to go, and in an area with excellent bus and train links. Even without taking driving lessons into account, it costs far less to walk/cycle/use public transport and take a taxi when needed than it does to run a car.


Sandsnake · 12/03/2018 15:39

I drive and am not a SAHM but I was on mat leave for a year without access to a car (DH used it for work) so I’ve got a small insight. I found it absolutely fine - was very happy to walk / bus / train everywhere with DS. It made me feel quite self sufficient. I can see how in more rural areas it would be a complete pain though.

I was quite surprised by how unusual not having a car was amongst the other mums though and how reliant people were on it. People seemed really shocked that I used to take baby DS around on a train. It was like we travelled by space rocket or something... Grin


Hahanotfunnymylifeisamess · 12/03/2018 15:45

I'm a sahm and I don't drive. It's been harder since we moved out of London but we are still within half an hour's walk to the town centre and train station so it's been ok. We do a lot of walking and a car would make things easier but I have tried and failed to learn to drive and really don't think it will ever happen for me. I know a lot of people who find driving easy and don't understand why I can't, but it does not come naturally to me at all.


sleepyhead24 · 12/03/2018 15:49

I drive I had to stop driving for 6 months because of a medical condition I've only just been allowed to again , driving isn't a given many medical conditions prohibit you from driving.


slippynips · 12/03/2018 15:54

I’m a SAHM who can drive, but our car was my company car, and when I stopped working we lost the car. We can’t afford one at the moment but we get by


Hahanotfunnymylifeisamess · 12/03/2018 15:55

Oh and apart from when we go out as a family and dp drives, I never get lifts off anyone. I grew up in a family with no car so walking and using public transport to get around is completely normal for me.


likeacrow · 12/03/2018 16:43

Completely relate Hahanotfunnymylifeisamess!

OP posts:

Pinkprincess1978 · 12/03/2018 16:49

I drive and never been a full time sahp but I had two dc close together and then went back part time. We used to only have 1 car which DH needed for work so essentially for the nearly 3 years I was off with two pregnancies and then the years I had two days off a week I was carless and it was hard.

I made friends with other mums who had children same age as my oldest and as luck would have it 3 of us then went on to have a second dc within months of each other. For the first couple of years it was great, everywhere we met I could walk or get the bus to. But as the kids got older they all met at placers you needed a car to get to. I found this quite isolating so I do feel for you.


silkpyjamasallday · 12/03/2018 16:58

I'm a SAHM and don't drive. I never need to, most family live within walking distance and we live in the centre of town, surrounded by parks. I never need to ask for lifts, if I can't walk, which is unlikely, then DP will drive. I can drive, I've just never taken the test as I've always lived in places it just isn't necessary to drive anywhere. DD goes in a hip sling or her buggy or walks herself if we are only going a short distance, we've had no problems so far, but DD projectile vomits even on short car journeys, even now she is forward facing so there isn't much incentive to learn as the car is used as last resort!


PasstheStarmix · 27/03/2018 11:03

I think it’s too easy for people to raise their voice in distain and say ‘why don’t you drive! or ‘you need to drive!’ without knowing the person’s personal reasons. Some people have mental/psychlogical reasons such as anxiety or PTSD from a previous road accident or they’ve failed to pass their test or there is no reason and they simply have no interest in driving. I drive but DH has the car during the week so I walk everywhere and get public transport. If i had a car all of the time I’d probably be overweight to be honest. The walking keeps me fit so dh can keep it at work as far as I’m concerned!

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