A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.
A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.
Should I feel guilty that dd won't be going to pre school before 3.5 yrs?!
Pop24 · 29/06/2017 10:35
So to sum up we can't really afford to send dd ( she is 2) to pre school for even one or two mornings per week. I work on Saturdays (seasonaly) when dh is home so we don't pay childcare and he works away in the week and I'm full time He is training to be an accountant and his salary is just enough for us all to live frugally on. I've had a good group of other sahp friends who are in the same position but one by one have revealed that thier dcs will be starting pre schools soon for a couple of mornings per week. Dd will be 3 1/2 when we get our funding and will then go to pre school. I'm worried she will be held back by not going for that extra year, am I being paranoid? Should we try to make other sacrifices to send her even 3 hrs per week? We have savings from when we were earning more but that is a house deposit and I think more important for us as a family to not start to burn through it. Any other sahp out there who have had no other childcare until 3 and how did it effect kids starting school ect? Thanks
DrWhooves · 29/06/2017 10:38
3.5 is plenty of time, my DD started just after she turned 3 and was absolutely fine starting school. We did go to a couple of mums and toddlers groups a week so she could socialise with other children before that though, is that an option for you?
user1496604328 · 29/06/2017 10:46
Is she a summer or winter baby? If she's born after September she will get 2 years in pre school anyway.
Pop24 · 29/06/2017 10:54
Thanks for replying that makes me feel a bit better! Her birthday is beginning of May so I think she won't get in til the following Sep?
Yes we go to a toddler group or meet friends every morning so she is getting socialised, it's just the gaining independence thing and I prob need to make more effort with giving her activities for the afternoons. I know deep down that she is fine but I think when everyone else you know starts doing something you feel like you're missing something! Feel like I'm the only person in the world whose child won't be going! Silly I know...
BendingSpoons · 29/06/2017 11:58
We aren't going to send DD until the same point. Growing up, everyone went at around 3 unless they needed to go earlier due to parents working. Socialising every morning is plenty, she can learn other things in the afternoon at home with you. She will learn lots from going to the supermarket, helping you with the washing etc as well as play/activities. You can still work on her independence e.g. putting her own coat on, going on the climbing frame by herself.
SerfTerf · 29/06/2017 12:00
If you do toddler group regularly, I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought.
Enidblyton1 · 29/06/2017 12:04
No, it's absolutely fine! I'm in the same position - DD will be starting pre school in Sept when she is 3.5. It will honestly make no difference. As long as your DD mixes with other children there is no rush to start pre school - she will still have a whole year of it before she goes into Reception.
Gunpowder · 29/06/2017 12:07
I'll try and find the study, but IIRC the measurable direct benefit of nursery/preschool to the children was from 3+. Before then of course it can still be beneficial to children (and their parents!) but up until 3 it's not better for them than being full time with a parent/particular grown-up (in most circs).
BakewellTartAgain · 29/06/2017 12:09
We did the same. Don't feel guilty, it was the norm just a few years ago.
My children did really well going into school after a year in nursery. They had been to toddlers, music sessions , library storytime and later did a tumble tots sort of class.
Bumpsadaisie · 29/06/2017 12:09
3.5 seems the ideal age to me. Old enough to be able to know that you go but you come back to collect her, at the stage where she's ready to look outwards to the world a bit and still lots of time before school.
BakewellTartAgain · 29/06/2017 12:14
And I should say those activities are not at all necessary. Going to the park is as good as tumble tots unless it rains!
The activities gave me a bit of focus or rythym to the week.
nuttyknitter · 29/06/2017 12:16
Your DD is very lucky to be able to spend so much time with you. If she starts Nursery at 3.5 she'll still have a whole year to get used to separating and socialising before she starts school.
AceholeRimmer · 29/06/2017 13:27
My DS isn't starting until 3.5 and we don't go to groups either, but he is a happy, sociable kid. You go somewhere every morning! They will have a whole year before school. Kids usually adapt easily and after a few weeks/months will seem like they've been going forever. I don't get this urgency to get them out there mixing from very early ages (unless someone has to because they work) There will be many, many kids out there who don't go until they get the free hours because nursery is expensive.
Pop24 · 29/06/2017 17:18
Thanks all glad to hear lots of people are in similar situation. I feel really that she is probably best off at home with me anyway and is really thriving especially with her speech and communication but after pressure from the health visitor at our 2 year check and then all our friends gradually starting to go even though they are not going back to work I had started to doubt myself. The health visitor made me feel like it was abnormal for them not to be going at this stage.
CoverYourKneesUp · 08/07/2017 20:22
Honestly I think that's pretty young... I grew up somewhere that school doesn't start until 5 (kindergarten) and most kids don't go to preschool unless both parents work and they're in childcare. If you go to play groups they get plenty of social interaction, have play dates etc. There's nothing they learn in preschool (like the alphabet) that you can't teach at home in a fun way too!
Sofshiz · 22/01/2018 16:02
grass is always greener. I can afford to send my 3.5 year old to full time preschool and I very much live in guilt daily that I started her onto full time school too early and wishing I let her be at home for longer.
You child is very lucky to be able to spend so much time with you so enjoy it and don't feel guilty...although mumguilt has a way of finding us regardless of the choices we make.
Mumchatting · 24/01/2018 13:39
Really a pressure from heath visitor that your child should be separated from you at age of 2? What a 'great' advise. Sorry, but your child is very lucky to be with mummy until 3.5.
Shmithecat · 01/02/2018 11:39
I'm a sahm. I tried out a couple of mornings a week of nursery for my DS when he was about 16mo. He was ok for a couple of weeks then started to hate it so I took him back out. Had his 2y review little while ago and he's doing good/above average in all his milestones etc. Don't feel guilty at all. We will be living abroad until early 2020 and I'm not a fan of the preschool setups where we live so my DS quite possibly won't be attending any kind of school at all until Reception although the thought of just a few mornings a week for me time is getting more appealing by the day so i might change my mind about the preschool thing yet..
Ilovecamping · 01/02/2018 11:49
I don’t understand the pressure to put children into pre school so young. I was a SAHM for 11 years and I was able to do so much with them, neither of them went into formal education till they had to. It was a struggle financially at times but it was a joint decision.
Enb76 · 01/02/2018 11:49
Mine didn't go to pre-school at all. She had no issues starting school and soon made friends.
JaniceJoplin · 01/02/2018 12:01
My first child went to preschool at 3yrs 1 month as she was born in August. She didn’t really settle until the Feb half term though. We had done playgroups galour, classes etc before but none where she was by herself. The following Sept she was in school. In an ideal world I would have started her earlier as from a social skills point of view she was well behind others, although that may be her character. My second child had a full 2 years of preschool ( 15 hours a week) as she was born in the winter. She settled immediately and is flying in reception. By flying I mean ruling the roost in the playground! So it can depend on the child. I think if you focus on finding a good PreSchool and take advantage of the 15hours (normally a bit on top nowadays) then that is ideal. Some preschools intakes will have a lot of children who end up at the same school / class so that’s very beneficial as it is nice for children to start knowing a few of the others. Generally siblings get a head start when they start school as they seen it all before and probably have a few sibling friends ready and waiting. It is harder if you are younger and first born in my experience. Our school tells parents the more independent, happy and confident the children are the better they will settle. Hope hat helps.
Upsydaisy2017 · 16/02/2018 16:16
My DS is 1 and he won't be going to nursery until its compulsory before they start school. I sometimes have the same worry that I'm holding him back, but then I didn't start until I was 4 and I was ok! (I think, lol) I think its just 'mum guilt' if you had to put him in nursery you would feel guilty about leaving him with someone else and vice versa. At the moment me and DS don't really leave the house through the week, but I suppose within the next year I'll start taking him to soft play and to different groups.
buffy1980 · 05/03/2018 14:45
I’m a SAHM with a 2 year 2 month old. I do take her to classes three days a week and we sometimes have play dates. I could not afford nursery so I will also be waiting for the free 15 hours funding when my daughter is 3.
People unintentionally make me feel guilty when they query why my daughter is not at nursery one or two days per week. However my husband and I simply cannot afford it.
My daughter is very sociable and when she does go to preschool (next April) she will have a year and 4 months to settle in and become acostomed to socialising without me.
Please don’t feel guilty - it already sounds as though you are doing a fantastic job.
SoftSheen · 05/03/2018 14:49
DD started pre-school at age 3.7, and attended for a year before starting reception. Her reception report said that she 'interacted exceptionally well with both children and adults', so it certainly didn't hold her back! So long as you take your DD out and about and do stuff with her, one year of pre-school is fine.
DenPerry · 05/03/2018 15:11
buffy Why on earth do people make you feel guilty! She is still so young and you do loads with her, far more than I did.
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