Trying to choose between two different lifestyle options

[KatEddy]

We are moving down to Devon (DH and DSx2 - have twin boys who are 3).

My husband is originally from north Devon and we currently live in Reading. We decided we need to move before the boys go to school.

We seem to be at a fork in the road now

1- live somewhere more remote and keep our current disposable income (not isolated but no walkable school or playground) but it is nearby to beautiful beaches and lots for boys to do.

For this option I could stay being a SAHM (& hopefully get a dog!)

Or

2 - live somewhere which is in a town, walk to school and playgrounds and more central but increase our mortgage considerably, meaning a lot less disposable income (beaches nearby not so good etc). For this option I'd need to get a job when boys start school.

My husband and I keep going between the two and our brains getting fried. I was wondering anyone has been in a similar situation or what opinions are..?

I would choose a location that would allow my older dc to walk, bike or bus safely to and from friends' houses, parks, activity centres, schools, shops. Tweens and teens need that freedom and you need to be free from driving different children to different activities every single day.

But if you have limited or no desire to work outside the home, and you enjoy driving and are happy to commit to being a taxi service until they can drive themselves... go for rural. Rural is beautiful and may really suit you. I'm sure it will while your dc are small, until Y5 or 6.

It is a tough choice and not all the variables are knowable or quantifiable! That's why your poor brains hurt thinking about it.

We use a spreadsheet for this kinda stuff, but we're nerds.

Can you drive? If so, a 15-20 minute drive to town doesn't sound like much of a sacrifice for more disposable income and beautiful beaches.

you can't drive you may feel quite cut off though.

Only you can decide. I would hate to be dependent on my car for everything, but some people don't mind.

I have a 16 year old, he gets himself everywhere himself. Wouldn't fancy driving him everywhere.

2. all day! I don’t get the idea that 1 has loads to do, loads of green yes but probably private land. There’s more for children to do in suburbs and cities.

We live rurally with no bus and just outside a village. We moved here when dc were 2 and 9. They are now 24 and 18. Yes in teen years you are a taxi but we did have a school bus. They both drove as soon as they could. If you asked my dc they would say they absolutely loved where we lived and had a great childhood. They both love the sea, hiking and being outside. They would not have wanted to be in a town. As long as you are ok with taking them places it will be fine, so many of dc friends also live rural and they would go out and stay at each others houses and we did lift share where we could. You do adapt to not having everything on your doorstep.

to me option 1 is the most obvious option.

I live rurally and can’t imagine being near people!

As other posters have said, busy rural roads are unlikely to be safe for cycling. I’d also add that bus services are unlikely to be great either - some of the villages near me only have very limited services (every two hours, last bus at 6). Some rural bus services are funded by the council, and they’ve been cut in recent years because of budget cuts.

Also think about whether a 15-20 drive to the beach would be double that in the summer, if you’re in a very touristy area.

Another thing to consider is will the nearest primary school remain open while your children are there.
The one I went to has closed because there are few family homes in the parish.
There are houses that could accommodate families but they are now holiday lets. The few children that would have gone to the school have a taxi service to take them to a village school a few miles away.

I like people, happy to be near them, happy to interact, have a chat etc.

As the childen grow being in town and near friends will be more important to them

there is a reason the houses in towns are more expensive

not working isn’t something I would recommend for any woman no matter how ideal things seem now

This is a really good point. If it was as idyllic as it sounded, it would cost more, not be the cheaper option.

As someone living in Devon I would say a huge issue I would be looking at is tourists. Your remote option sounds lovely but are you going to be stuck in traffic on rural roads cursing at the miles long queues that form round here because tourists turn up with no ability to reverse. Will your 15 minute journey to town actually be more like an hour? I also wouldn’t underestimate how much your boys will value being able to get to and from friends/town/school independently as they get older.
So personally I would go with option 2 now and then look at moving more remotely once the kids have left home.

Personally I would hate to spend the next fifteen years as a taxi service while my dh is out at work all day. I wouldn’t want to be a sahm anyway as I prefer a family life where both parents do a roughly equal share of parenting. But even if sahp was right for my family (additional needs or similar) I definitely wouldn’t chose to do it somewhere requiring driving everywhere.

Thank you all for the messages and advice!
We are going down to do some more exploring this weekend to get to grips with the realities of how far away places are and what local amenities are like.

I think the main issue for me with option 1 is a primary school being walkable and them not being able to meet up with friends easily/independently (until they can drive).

Option 2 might be more suitable but it will also be more stressful for DH and me - on the financial side. Especially with the impending pressure of getting a new job, part time ideally so I can be around for the boys, after being out of work for so long.

I'm still hopeful a compromise will be possible. It's quite daunting as it's a big shift and I'm trying to think and rethink about all scenarios to make sure we're making the right decision and not being seduced by the dreams rather than realities.

Anyway that was a long ramble!
Thanks again for all the messages on it. I've taken a lot onboard xx

Option 1 wins all day long for me

We are Option 1 (but in Cornwall) and my DC, now 16 and 18 have thrived. Primary school was a 7 minute drive and I would say around 75% of the pupils were driven or caught the school bus. School was 3 minute drive to the beach and blissful. Many happy memories of going straight to the beach after school.

We did do a fair bit of taxi duty and eldest DD learned to drive as soon as they could. Youngest uses buses when feasible (service not great) but yes I still do a fair bit of driving.

No where is perfect but me and DH have zero regrets about bringing them up here. They have the odd whinge about lack of shopping and having to get to London for gigs but they haven't missed out on being a teenager. Oldest is off to University in September but didn't want a big city - even though they have been to several many times over the years).

You are over thinking if. View lots of properties in and out of town and you will know when you have found the right one.

If you pick 1 you’ll spend all the extra disposable income on petrol, particularly as the boys get older.