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Rural living

Looking to relocate to the countryside? Find advice in our Rural Living forum.

Original poster

Trying to choose between two different lifestyle options

69 replies

KatEddy · 09/05/2025 19:40

We are moving down to Devon (DH and DSx2 - have twin boys who are 3).

My husband is originally from north Devon and we currently live in Reading. We decided we need to move before the boys go to school.

We seem to be at a fork in the road now

1- live somewhere more remote and keep our current disposable income (not isolated but no walkable school or playground) but it is nearby to beautiful beaches and lots for boys to do.

For this option I could stay being a SAHM (& hopefully get a dog!)

Or

2 - live somewhere which is in a town, walk to school and playgrounds and more central but increase our mortgage considerably, meaning a lot less disposable income (beaches nearby not so good etc). For this option I'd need to get a job when boys start school.

My husband and I keep going between the two and our brains getting fried. I was wondering anyone has been in a similar situation or what opinions are..?

OP posts:
seasonspuzzling · 10/05/2025 07:36

I grew up in a rural area, parents doing 15K miles a year across 2 cars to keep us in school / at activities / seeing friends

Major accident or health issue the air ambulance needs to land on the village green

It was isolated, and in bad weather (snow) you would get cut off and electricity go down

I miss the quiet and it is beautiful yet I can’t see myself ever living somewhere that impractical again

footpath · 10/05/2025 07:45

Option 2 - think of when the dc get older

Thingamebobwotsit · 10/05/2025 07:45

We live rural with teenagers. Personally, if I had my time again I would probably aim to live in a bigger village with a school and compromise on the finances for this stage of their life. It makes such a difference having friends to hang out with at this age. The countryside is amazing when they are little, and it suits me down to the ground, but the reality is my DCs want freedom and independence and instead they have to book things in advance so they can get lifts. Their friends live 20 mins drive away. Etc etc.

Cheerfulcharlie · 10/05/2025 07:50

Live on the very edge of a small, beautifully surrounded town so you are surrounded by countryside but walkable to amenities.
If school is just a 5 or 10 minute drive rather than practically walkable daily would that be a dealbreaker ?

HamSandwichKiller · 10/05/2025 07:50

I lived option 1 as a kid and it was idyllic right up until it became boring and stifling. Be realistic about working opportunities in the area. In reality you’ll need to consider the limited options available vs deciding what you want to do for work. Living rurally is a privilege in a lot of ways but there are also drawbacks so go in with your eyes open - the facilities etc you assume will be there might not be.

Satisfiedkitty · 10/05/2025 08:04

My friend lived in option 1 when her dcs were little. Yes, it was idyllic. We used to visit and the peace and quiet was just blissful.

But, the school run was an hour round trip. Ditto swimming lessons, football practice, playdates. In the end, they moved to a village on the very edge of the nearest city, because they spent most of their time there anyway.

jgophacc · 10/05/2025 08:10

It’s a tricky one because 1 sounds great for primary school years, but option 2 will be much better when they’re teens, needing more independence etc, but I appreciate not wanting to move twice. As I’m career minded and in the teen years I’d say 2, but I can see the draw of 1.

Croquembouchiere · 10/05/2025 08:11

1!

Can I come too 😂?

Sweetsummerchild2 · 10/05/2025 08:21

I would choose option 2 for all the reasons everyone has mentioned already. Option 1 sounds more of a holiday destination to me. I grew up like your Option 2 and thought even that was stiffling and too small a world. I left as soon as I could to a city and never ever even seek out the countryside anymore as it gives me the shudders.

Children grow up so quickly. They don’t want you driving them around once they hit their teens or even before. Honestly it goes fast.

TakeMyLifeAndLetItBe · 10/05/2025 08:26

I would reluctantly chose option 2 but would prefer option 1. I feel the pull to live really rurally but having children from teens down to toddler ages, living in a small rural town suits us so much better. The teens have part time jobs they can walk to, public transport is okay and we can walk to get mostly everything we need.

ThatBusyRoseLion · 10/05/2025 08:30

Are these your only options? What about a larger village with a school/ shop/ pub?

Bluebellwood129 · 10/05/2025 08:31

Option 1. I would hate option 2

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/05/2025 08:35

God 1! And we’ve got two teenagers - yes we may have to drive them to the nearest bus station but they both love being where we are and would hate living in a town.

NotMeNoNo · 10/05/2025 08:41

I would live in a town/village, give your DC the gift of friends just round the corner to play with.

Aozora13 · 10/05/2025 08:45

We recently relocated from London and had a similar conversation. In the end we decided that we’re essentially townies and prefer a “15 minute city” to having to drive everywhere. We now live in a nice town with everything we need on our doorstep (including 5 mins walk to the nearest playground and 10 mins to school). The countryside is a short drive away. I was particularly mindful of the kids teen years and them being able to have a bit more independence and easy access to entertainment other than hooch and weed…But different strokes for different folks!

gattocattivo · 10/05/2025 09:05

Option 2, or ideally Option 3!! Which would be somewhere inbetween the two. Maybe a large village with a shop and other amenities. Option 1 sounds idyllic in some ways but very limiting socially and also once you want to get back to work. Having brought up 3 children, you quickly find that ease of access to schools, friends and a range of amenities is super important. I wouldn’t have wanted to be a taxi service driving them around for hours on end. It was far easier to give them gradual independence (walking to shop, catching a bus etc) in a less remote area

MerylSqueak · 10/05/2025 09:07

At the moment, your children are small and will love a walk in the woods or a day at the beach. I would consider having teenagers in the same places. What activities are there for teens? Are there the kinds of clubs they might want - sports, dance, drama. Are there facilities like go karting or kayaking? Are there clubs like St. Johns or sea cadets?

My kids had an idyllic childhood in a rural place and they appreciate it. I have to confess there's bugger all for them as teens. One child likes skateboarding; there's only one place they can do it that's not beside a road. I spend a lot of time driving them places and we have to get out for city breaks etc as much as we can.

jgophacc · 10/05/2025 09:07

I think the thing to consider is how often do you need school, shops, drs, after school activities vs access to countryside, for us, it’s much easier to be within walking (or quick) distance to the former, and then drive to countryside which is still pretty close to us, just not walking distance. If you can get both, great!

Cakeandcheeseforever · 10/05/2025 09:13

I live in the SW. With option 1), how much is there for the kids to do in say torrential rain? Because it rains a lot here.

As my kids get older I value them being able to meet up with friends easily, they can pop round houses on their own without me having to go there with them each time. The park with lots of friends is just five mins walk away. We can get to the cinema in a 15 mins walk. I lived rurally for a short while and got so bored of having to drive everywhere. But you will know what suits you and your family best, everyone is different.

PeppyTealDuck · 10/05/2025 09:15

You sound like you are thinking quite romantically about getting a dog, seeing the stars etc. Not about the day to day. Living in Devon, you can go camping frequently, make a fire and watch the stars. I personally wouldn’t isolate myself somewhere I can’t walk anywhere from. Let alone do that to the children. Not unless your life’s dream is to run a farm or something like that - then it would be the only option.

Smellslikeburnttoat · 10/05/2025 09:15

Older kids are going to fill pretty hard done by not being able to easily see their friends or walk to school. And you should really be planning to work once the boys are in school or sooner to avoid financial dependence on a man anyway.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 10/05/2025 09:19

Being isolated when kids are very small is fine. When they get older, not so much.

coldlunch · 10/05/2025 09:23

I'd go for option 1 in a heartbeat. But then I grew up and still live rurally. My mum was a SAHM and happy to taxi us around as we got older as she had the time to do so. My siblings and I did similar activities too which helped logistically.

My husband is from a big city and moved here to live with me. It was a bit of a shock for him at first!

Can you drive? In which case option 1 is much more feasible. Are there good facilities and plenty of community activities within a drivable distance?

Prioritising helping your kids learning to drive once they're old enough, helping them pass as quickly as possible, buying a small car they can practice in around having lessons with you supervising and then them having use of it once they have passed makes the world of difference to young adult independence.

redcord · 10/05/2025 09:23

I think it depends on the village how isolated you'll feel. You might like to look at a smallish town - like Tavistock for eg, which has all the amenities but on the edge of the moors and stunning walks and scenery and streams to frolic in etc. (or is that the high mortgage option?)

DiscoBeat · 10/05/2025 09:31

I would definitely find something with a bit of both. A semi rural village with a playground, cafe and school within walking distance, possibly work part time.

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