Divorcing with 3 kids in London - wanting to move to the countryside

[mamatothreebunnies]

Living in London with 3 kids and my soon to be ex-h, and I’ve always dreamt of living in the country, perhaps on a farm. My eldest also had the same dream (I’ve never told her mine so she just naturally is drawn to that life) - and I think the divorce is an opportunity for me to restart my life. I couldn’t afford to live in London and maintain the same lifestyle we currently have on his salary and I earn very minimal. With the house sale and other assets I could live somewhere rural but need help with location ideas.

need somewhere within 2 hours of London
Green and rural
close to a city or town with nice shops and restaurant
ideally good schools etc

please can anyone help? I’m not great with England geography.

Don’t move to the countryside. Your kids will be fucking miserable. I speak as someone who grew up in the middle of nowhere and escaped as soon as I could.

Sorry, am aware I sound grumpy. Still haven’t forgiven my parents.😂 I now live in a village, just off a major trunk road 10 minutes drive from a mainline station that gets to London in 1hr 20. Eldest still manages to get into town on the hourly local bus service and catch a train into college/work to the nearest city (35 minutes by car), we have a shop, butchers, surgery, pub etc and a thriving community.

The only issue really is if we want to go out in the evening, someone always has to drive.

This is just about as rural as I can cope with and as busy as DH can cope with. I dream of an inner city retirement flat! The younger two like it as they have friends nearby to hang out and cycle around with, which works brilliantly for them.

I’d really carefully consider where you’d like to move to and make sure there’s a decent but route, or even better, a train station within walking distance for when your children are older.

OP I think now you've clarified their Dad isn't around much and you'd be happy to facilitate contact and do the legwork when he is in London, you'll get far fewer 'mean' (or questioning) responses.

I agree with pp- rent for a year somewhere that's realistic to buy if you like it. I suppose if your eldest is 10 you have imminent secondary school applications to consider- that needs to be first priority.

Good luck- its your life and you are entitled to move out of London, so don't let the naysayers tell you it's out of the question!

OP are you international or from another country? Just when you say you don't know much about English geography.

I agree with pps, I can see you're looking for a change and it must be difficult, but please please take your time.

I think most pps are expressing that you really don't want to rush into the English country/rural fantasy. You may be craving solitude and peace of mind. But buying/committing is very different to seeing.

I love the country, but it's affordable to just Airbnb occasionally to get my fix. I visit a relative in an AONB and the views are idyllic, getting in and out is a nightmare!

Every place has problems, children may feel unsettled. In a big city, it's much, much easy to you all to switch up social groups and find new people and find your niche and your tribe. There's always people coming and going

If your face doesn't fit in a small community it can be hell - it's not like the films or books where a dashing rich local farmer will step in to save the day.

If you're single/just divorced woman outsider coming in it could be especially horrific to find a support network.

Even if you're introverted and feel you'd be happy being quite solitary in the greenery, having people 'bristling" at your presence is traumatic.

There are some big cities where green suburban spaces are cheaper.

So you may get your green/peaceful fix without having to go completely rural. A budget like you have could go far (and spare money for an Airbnb or travelling if you need)

If you want some sort of retreat year, (very understandable given current circumstances), I wouldn't make any drastic decisions?

Spend money on therapy or coaching or building up self-care and support systems rather than changing life so drastically. Find an allotment or community garden to help out at. Rent a country place on Airbnb for 3 months in the winter.

Even if you do make the big move, you don't want to be coming from a vulnerable position.

Where do you need to get to roughly in London OP - which side? As there's no point recommending something that's two hours from North London if you need to get to the South, that could add an extra hour in my experience. Or is it the centre you need to get to?

FWIW I grew up on a smallholding just outside Bath and I had a magical childhood. We were poor but this just kind of fell into my parents' laps when I was 6 and I loved it! I was out playing with my dog and in the fields or helping my mum with the chickens, goats and pigs whenever I possibly could. My siblings were already older teens but as we were quite a way away from any other house, our place became the party venue for all their mates as they could be as loud as they wanted, have bonfires etc. Not all teens want to go clubbing or whatever.

It sounds like an actual smallholding may be too expensive these days, but I'd definitely go along with PP's suggestion of getting somewhere with a big enough garden for chickens at least.

Good luck OP!

Great shout!

OP this is lovely -

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/148154072#/?channel=RES_BUY

Already has veg patches, plenty of room for chickens etc and the surroundings are beautiful!

So is this -

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/145077314#/?channel=RES_BUY

Though I'd say it needs some serious updating 😬

This is pretty nice too -

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/151810211#/?channel=RES_BUY

I only got to the end of the first page so I'm sure there are other options 🙂

How about this in Herefordshire. Rural but close to a small town with a butchers, grocers etc.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/147613727#/?channel=RES_BUY

What about this:
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/150071906

Fairly close to Swindon for trains to London.

Thank you so much to everyone sending Rightmove links and area suggestions. You have no idea how happy my heart feels looking at those homes and imagining my new life somewhere like that. I’ll ignore the negative comments for now as I can’t bare to think of those things and will do what I feel is the right thing for my family.