Divorcing with 3 kids in London - wanting to move to the countryside

[mamatothreebunnies]

Living in London with 3 kids and my soon to be ex-h, and I’ve always dreamt of living in the country, perhaps on a farm. My eldest also had the same dream (I’ve never told her mine so she just naturally is drawn to that life) - and I think the divorce is an opportunity for me to restart my life. I couldn’t afford to live in London and maintain the same lifestyle we currently have on his salary and I earn very minimal. With the house sale and other assets I could live somewhere rural but need help with location ideas.

need somewhere within 2 hours of London
Green and rural
close to a city or town with nice shops and restaurant
ideally good schools etc

please can anyone help? I’m not great with England geography.

what do you other kids think? Living in the country / on a farm is very different in reality to what you might think, especially in the depths of winter: you’ll be very car dependent and will likely have to drive the kids everywhere. Will be a very big change from London.

It’s a bit over two hours but we live near Norwich and it’s a lovely blend of country and city.

If not wanting to come up that far though there’s lots of lovely places in South Norfolk and Suffolk that might fit the bill.

West Kent area so Sevenoaks or Tunbridge Wells

What is your budget OP?

As the parent who moved away it would be your responsibility to transport your kids to their father for contact. A four hour round trip would be awful.

my other two kids are too young so don’t have an opinion, they’d be happy with us finally having a dog. (Eldest is 10).

Budget will be £500k max.

I realise the stark difference of London life to country. We don’t live in central London, we are more suburb London and still drive everywhere and never take public transport. So in that respect won’t be too different.

Well you won't get a farm for 500K!!

What do the other two children think? And where do your friends and family live? Doesn't sound like there is a place you have in mind with existing connections, so I do think there's a risk you will be very lonely and isolated.

Farm life is brutal, uncomfortable, remorseless. And there is NO money in it (as Jeremy Clarkson is discovering). If your dd is drawn to a rural agricultural life can she study to become a vet or a crop or animal scientist?

Sorry cross post re other kids - but the rest of my post stands!

Have you ever lived rurally? Your kids are entering the years when friends become more important, we live rurally and spend our free time being taxi service for out DD as there is no public transport at all.
Do you enjoy being outdoors ie in all weather over sighseeing/cultural activities? Would you mind a 45 min drive each way to the cinema?

Devizes or one of the villages nearby is a possibility.

I also live rurally with a teen. You need to consider that their needs will change as they get older so...

Look for somewhere with relatively easy access to schools. Most rural areas provide school buses, especially for senior school. Ideally choose somewhere with an occasional public bus service so older teens can get themselves around if they want to. Within 10 miles of a train station is also a good idea.

Don't only consider roads. I live 5 miles from the nearest town. The main road in is very busy, however if DS16 wants to go to the gym, he can cycle across the common (car free), and then down a back road into town.

Accept that you will do quite a lot of driving.

I've never regretted our move. We have two theatres, an arts centre, gyms, sports centres, swimming pools, restaurants and cinema within 10 miles. And we have room to grow 🙂

I would think very carefully about this and maybe look for something more in the middle. You’re looking at it with rose-tinted glasses and are making huge changes at a very difficult time. Be careful and pragmatic.

I don't think it is a great idea to move them to the middle of nowhere, away from their father, their friends, their school, and everything familiar. I also think if you have never lived on a farm (preferably grown up to that life) you may not understand what you are taking on.

we are more suburb London and still drive everywhere and never take public transport. So in that respect won’t be too different.

As @twistyizzy says, the DC will get older and will be on public transport soon enough. Living rurally can be shit for teenagers.

When you say living on a farm, do you mean attempting to run a farm? Even a small-holding? Do you know anything about it?

I agree with this ^

Okay forget the farm. What about just somewhere country side / green but with life? As I said I have no knowledge of England geography but know we need a lifestyle change and get away.

All I would say is rent for a year - the realty of rural life is very different from the dream - a lot of people really don’t like it when they try it.

Most people get on better with living on the edges of a market town, or a village right on the edge of one, than in a fully separated village or completely rural, so maybe start with that.

Rural life cab also be very boring for teens - being in a suburb with buses is very different from a village - so again, close to a market town is better as they can get themselves around a bit on a bike.

Will you be able to get a job in this rural place?

Where will their dad be living? Look at good transport links to wherever that is. So if he's in West London, look west.

Do ‘we’ need a lifestyle change? Or do YOU want a lifestyle change and are happy to relocate your children hours away from their father to do that? I’m not sure you’re thinking clearly or being fair to their dad here. How is he expected to see his kids regularly if you’ve moved them 2 hours away and they go to school there now etc? Is there some big back story here?

How much life do you want? If you paint a picture of what you are thinking of, people will be able to suggest places.

But if you mean a near a buzzyish town then look at near Chichester, Brighton, Hastings, Canterbury, Cambridge, St Albans, Oxford, up to a point Reading.

If that’s what you want then the Devizes area of Wiltshire as suggested by PP will be too quiet for you.

Also do you mean 2 hours driving or by train, again Devizes for example would just about work via nearby towns with stations, but it would be too long a drive.

This is of course key - do you work from home OP or what do you do?

Go for it, but choose edge of a market town or close to a city as you mention to make life easier. Maybe look for a smallholding, which I think would satisfy your farming longing for now, or just somewhere with a really big garden or a bit of land attached.

Suffolk/Norfolk is a good shout as another poster mentioned - you should get something in-budget as long as you avoid the very pricey bits.

Yeah but the cheaper bits of Norfolk / Suffolk are more than 2 hours from Lomdon and aren’t all that lively - which is why I think OP needs to describe more fully what she wants

Or look at Kingsclere in Hampshire. £500k would get you a 4 bed in a lovely village with a primary school, butcher, chemist, gp dentist. Nice community.

Plenty of countryside around, plus hourly buses to Newbury & Basingstoke for teens. Train travel into London, within easy distance of M4 and M3.