Sick of rural living

[BlitzenandMikey]

Well actually we are semi rural.
Moved to cheshire 14 years ago. Now have two teens. DD is starting a levels and DS is going into year 9.

DD is okay here, friends, good social life, despite mates being scattered round the county. DS not so happy, mates also scattered round the country and hates that he can’t just walk round to see them.

The town we live in is a dive. I have a job here ( nothing marvelously paid, but it’s a job) OH works round the county and will probably retire next year).

No family here. Have to travel out of town to get anywhere.

Just been to see friend down south and am feeling particularly depressed now. So much going on, diversity, life etc.

Bad choice on my part to move here, but can’t dwell or look back now
( it’s in my dna to make poor life choices!)

Does anyone else feel the same in that they wish they could just escape and move somewhere better?

We’ve done the whole “ isn’t the countryside pretty” stuff and had kids in the garden for years to play etc. But now, it’s different and I bloody hate this town ( menopause not helping!)

I don’t want the whole “ well why did you move there” please.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

You can start planning your escape now?

Not sure what your question is but could you make plans to move away when your children leave home?

Failing that move somewhere nicer within the county? Look for a new job?

I live rurally too and a lot of the time I don't feel right (grew up in London zone 2)
But I like the safe environment and privacy.

Also we have a large property and I like that the dc can't go out to play - they have plenty of playdates. We've no neighbour issues.

If we want to do anything it's a 45 min drive.

I do get it op
But I think you could make it work - but it takes planning by staying in the city more regularly etc.

We went to our nearest city recently and I felt unsafe - watching my bag. The dc. Drunks there's upsides and downsides to everything.

I meant that by not going our to play and I don't know where they are - here are gardens are big enough to have their friends over and I can keep a eye. In a local estate my friend says there's a bit of bullying etc.

Our

Can you move? Or at least plan to for when one is finished A levels and the other finished GCSEs.

We moved from overseas with our DS for secondary school and picked the south west. It was OK but I never really settled. DS hated the town. DH was happy enough. He retired and was at home and happy gardening etc so could have been anywhere as he never went anywhere really. But then realised how bad the town had become so became more open to a move. We moved last year to the south east and although it’s rural and we are in a village we are much happier.

The last two years where we were living were ok as we had a plan to leave. Getting the house ready to sell, deciding on where we wanted to be etc. It took time and wasn’t an instant fix but I’m so much happier.

Whereabouts in Cheshire are you? I do think so many people rave about Cheshire when in reality a lot of it is like something out of the league of gentlemen. My friend described where she lives as the kind of place where the only thing to do is take drugs.

I live in North Wales. It's no better TBH. Can you move closer to Manchester or Liverpool?

Thanks all, some good suggestions made.
I am looking for a new job and we are working on the house, albeit slowly.

I think we will try to move within the next couple of years for sure, even if it is to another town within the county.

It felt okay being here for a while whilst the kids were little, but it doesn’t now. Suppose because I’m older and my parents are older and 170 miles away etc.

Lots of reflection going on.

I guess you could get the train to Manchester maybe?

Henry, seriously, you are bang on the money, there is nothing to do her for anyone, let alone kids. The only good thing is, Chester is 12 miles away and you can get out of that damm town pretty quickly by road.

I am near Crewe.

Henry, I have no idea why people rave about Cheshire, seriously I don’t.

What’s N Wales like?

We all make mistakes.

Think about moving.

I wouldn't like to live rurally; I love the countryside but for holidays, not to live. There are more opportunities for work - and for places of interest - in a town. Your children aren't little now and deserve a bit more out of life.

Totally agree Plumtree.
DD and OH are happy, it’s DS and I who are not.

We will formulate a plan for sure.

Thanks

This is similar to what happened to us. Moved from big city to Country. I had everything on my door step. Took it all for granted tbh. Started having children and thought countryside would be better all round. No waiting lists for schools, bigger houses, bigger gardens etc but when the kids get older their needs change, they don't want to be travelling to friends, nightclubs etc, the big garden stands empty. Unfortunately we can't move but if you can do, if I'm ever to offer advice to anyone buying a house I always tell them to buy with what is near them rather than the actual house.

I lived rurally for ten years and moved back to a decent sized town after my marriage ended. My kids got the best of both worlds; the Enid Blyton childhood I wanted them to have and then the freedom of a town now they're older. Chester is a great town- could you not move there? Everything is easy to get to from there...

Such an interesting post OP, this stuff is on my mind too as I’m trying to buy a first home (at 46, always rented!) - currently renting a perfect home with a huge garden in a village, it’s perfect for my kids. Definitely semi rural living too.

Had a huge realisation that as I shop for houses with similar gardens and work out my list of “must have’s” in a home, that all this will change again in less than ten years, less even I’d imagine! I won’t need the garden for football antics and space… etc.

Then I hoofed off to Brighton for a weekend and felt so at home amongst the oddness and quirkiness… even just the diverse look of the people…. I’d forgotten how I feel in all of this. I haven’t settled since (about two months ago).

But I’ve come to realise the next home won’t be my forever home either and that’s ok (after renting and getting fed up I was determined to make the next move the “final move”).

Sorry, I don’t have any answers but am also figuring this stuff out so I’m following with interest

The threecs ,you have described my situation exactly!
I also took my old town for granted and thought I’d outgrown it.

The huge Cheshire garden stands empty and needs maintenance and we are forever chauffeuring kids around to places.

Buy what is near to you, rather than the actual house. That is a great piece of advice and very true.

When people rave about Cheshire they tend to mean the areas immediately south of Manchester with good access to the facilities there. And those areas are very expensive.
Places like Winsford, Crewe...not so much. Could you move closer to Chester?

Kim, I hope you figure it all out, as it’s such learning curve,
When I moved here, it was great, kids garden, football, paddling pool.
Now it’s not so great,

Maybe DS needs a wider group of friends, as they can all get to Chester independently from a village where his best mate lives.

DD seems to manage okay and is away for days with friends.

I did the same as you, hoofed off to Southampton at the weekend and now I’m thinking “ oh god, how are we going to get out of this town?”

You need to break this down into steps.

DS is about to go into Year 9. DD is about to start A Levels. So soonest you could move anywhere drastically different is 3 years away, when DS would have finished Year 11. There's no point you moving to another local town for 3 years and then making another big move afterwards - you'd lose thousands in moving costs and I doubt the upheaval would be worth it in bringing you any more of a sense of daily joy in where you live.

So, work on a timeframe of 3 years. You have 3 years where you are. Limited time. How can you make the most of those 3 years? What quick, easy improvements can you make to your house and garden so that you genuinely enjoy spending time in them? What local beauty spots or other points of interest have you never visited? Plan every month to spend a weekend exploring a new part of the county. We all get stuck in habitual ruts that mean we actually don't often make the true most of where we live. Really research your county and make a bucket list of places to tick off. Intentionally visit one of those places every month. There is beauty and history all around us, even in the most dismal places, if we actually make the effort to find it.

Meanwhile, start researching where you DO want to live. Spend time in those places so that you can start narrowing down locations. Start saving for the move. Start creating a scrapbook/notepad/google doc of ideas, dreams, aspirations, etc for your new life in this place. Enjoy the process of planning for the new life you'll have in 3 years.

In short, make the most of where you live now and make the effort to see it with fresh eyes, as if you were a tourist. Meanwhile, start planning your move to the place you really want to be. This should give you more pleasure in your day-to-day life as you'll enjoy where you are while also being able to look forward to where you eventually want to be.

Incidentally, something else for you to think about is whether your frustration with where you live is symptomatic of a deeper unrest/feeling of being in a rut with your life in general. If you're feeling indifferent about your job, you've not got much of a social life, etc., then you could be blaming where you live for your problems when actually it's not the location that's the issue here. You could get a different job. You could make an effort to socialise more and join clubs etc. What you want to ensure is that you've not pinned your hopes on moving somewhere new to transform your life, when it's you that needs to change rather than your location. As my mum always told me, wherever you go, you take yourself with you.

There is a lot of very good advice on this thread especially above from EnidSpyton.

It's tricky isn't it. I've moved from Zone 3 London to a rural SE but busy Market Town and I'm finding it hard to settle. Everything is far more spaced out and travel is sometimes an issue if you are used to City living. I can quite understand how for young children the large garden and bigger house is ideal but then in the teenage years the lack of freedom of just jumping on buses to visit friends etc really does come into play.

I haven't formed any new friendship groups here and it definitely does colour my judgement. It's so true that you take yourself with you anywhere that you go so if there are underlying issues elsewhere they would travel with you to a new place as well!

But you have done a decent amount of years there and you can plan for the future another location that may be more suitable for the next chapter. Not everybody stays in the same house for 25 odd years, some do and some don't. Your DH retiring and your children getting older may well be the catalyst for a future move. But I agree with the above about really looking into other avenues to socialise more and see what practically can be changed where you live to give yourself a better quality of life in the short and medium term, whilst perhaps planning for the future as well.

Interesting thread for me as I'm almost opposite. We're in proper Manchester but have horses so would like to move to Cheshire. I'd be thinking Lymm or Poynton rather than Crewe/Northwich, but I hadn't thought about having teenagers in nine years!

That's a very interesting perspective Enid and certainly food for thought.

I certainly think there is a sense of unrest and disatisfation with life right now. When the family were younger, I did all kinds of voluntary work, got involved with the heart of the community and really enjoyed it.

Now I appear to be in a rut and can't seem to motivate myself to do much, but that could be the job I am in and feel tied down to something which although, convenient, is not necessarily what i want to be doing long term.

I am going to print off your reply and read it over again, as I think you have hit the nail on the head. Maybe part of the issue is me? In fact I am almost certain it is.

The county as a whole is not awful, but I have never really settled properly into the town.

Lots to think about.
Thanks

Interesting thread for me as I'm almost opposite. We're in proper Manchester but have horses so would like to move to Cheshire. I'd be thinking Lymm or Poynton rather than Crewe/Northwich, but I hadn't thought about having teenagers in nine years!

No, I hadn't thought about how it would affect the quality of teen life either if I am honest.

I have a colleague in Lymm (she seems happy enough there).
Crewe or Northwich, not great I don't think.

@EnidSpyton good advice! Thank you for that.

I can hand in heart say that all I wanted was to be left alone to manage, ‘no more put on my plate please’ kind of attitude to life the past few years. But now the kids are marginally older (still under 10) I feel myself coming back into the frame.

I am liking that bucket list approach for local stuff. I’ve committed to making an effort to do “stuff” on weekends outside of this county, use it as the great springboard that it is, the kids are just suddenly a lot easier … but I’m bad at finding the stuff on my (relative) doorstep.

Sorry @BlitzenandMikey don’t mean to take over your thread! I’m in East of England, I’m not here and I’ve become so insular in the little village that I’m holed up in. I forget to peek out!