Sick of rural living

[BlitzenandMikey]

Well actually we are semi rural.
Moved to cheshire 14 years ago. Now have two teens. DD is starting a levels and DS is going into year 9.

DD is okay here, friends, good social life, despite mates being scattered round the county. DS not so happy, mates also scattered round the country and hates that he can’t just walk round to see them.

The town we live in is a dive. I have a job here ( nothing marvelously paid, but it’s a job) OH works round the county and will probably retire next year).

No family here. Have to travel out of town to get anywhere.

Just been to see friend down south and am feeling particularly depressed now. So much going on, diversity, life etc.

Bad choice on my part to move here, but can’t dwell or look back now
( it’s in my dna to make poor life choices!)

Does anyone else feel the same in that they wish they could just escape and move somewhere better?

We’ve done the whole “ isn’t the countryside pretty” stuff and had kids in the garden for years to play etc. But now, it’s different and I bloody hate this town ( menopause not helping!)

I don’t want the whole “ well why did you move there” please.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Kim, I think it happens to the best of us at times, in that we become so caught up with the day to day stuff, that when we do have the time to reflect, life seems not that marvellous.

It is interesting, as during my stay in Southampton, whilst I was in awe of the city centre and the shops etc, I mentioned to my friend about how lucky she was to be living in such a vibrant environment and asked how she spent her weekends. Her reply was "Oh I just stay at home, I never go into the centre or the shops" "REALLY? was my reply! So that kind of suggests, that we can take things for granted which are on the door step (as I did) and only appreciate them when they are effectively gone! If friend stayed in this town for 5 minutes, she would be exploring every inch of her city, guaranteed!

Right, off the buy some paint, continue with my decorating and sort my life a bit :-)

This is such an interesting thread!
I live rural south west on a farm.
I am a taxi for the kids for schools ( I had 3 kids at 3 different schools!) clubs and socialising. No time for myself. I got bogged down with a permanently working husband and got so miserable. I missed my city life and being able to pop out anywhere on a whim rather than have to bundle up 3 kids in the car just to get bread and the basics etc.
I got so frustrated and depressed I went away, got a clear head, moved into town briefly, got a job mixed my life up a bit socially through work and meeting people who weren't farm related or school mums and then moved back with fresh eyes and a more positive outlook.
However my DH is insistent hes got 25 years of working himself into the ground and never leaving, even getting buried here, whereas I see it that as soon as the kids are independent I shall be looking to find myself again and doing what I want to do and live where I feel happier living ( not sure where that is yet though!)
We live here for DH's work not for my choice.
Yes its idyllic in many ways, safe, space for kids, huge garden, no annoying neighbours and my kids are very lucky to have all this but the loneliness and isolation really gets to me and when the kids move up move on or move out I'll go with them or go loopy.

There are times and seasons for things I believe. Sometimes plans need adjustments or tweaking slightly to fit you as you get older. Its finding the balance.
Like a PP said re discover the area and look through fresh eyes. It's not hard but it's not simple either.
I think my problem is I'm too old and too tired!

I live in Cheshire and love it, no where near Crewe though, nearer Manchester.

One thing Crewe has going for it are train transport links - you can get to loads of places by train including Liverpool and Manchester.

Justletmelogon, I totally get what you mean and you sound a little like me, in that once the kids become more independent, you want to find yourself again.

I hope you manage to find somewhere where you are happy and at peace. I also know what you mean about being old and. I’m 50 and very menopausal ( which really doesn’t help!)

Any idea where you want to live ? I don’t really know either to be honest. On the one hand I think, I can cope here a bit longer because as Prenton said, it’s quite easy to get out of this town, but on the other hand, I crave diversity and life !

It’s tricky and we have to do what’s right for us in the long term.

Good luck 👍

Hi there-I lived in Cheshire for years after moving from London with ex-dh’s job. We lived in a hamlet-beautiful but I was lonely and after we split up I moved to Frodsham. It’s a very attractive town without being poncy with good rail connections to Liverpool and Manchester. Chester 10 miles away. Really nice restaurants and pubs with countryside on the doorstep. It’s a more interesting landscape than the south of the county. People have a good sense of community. Sixth form at Helsby or lots go to Sir John Deans at Northwich. Everyone goes to Helsby up to 6th form if not private. This means lots of friends locally for my children-although some lived in local villages. My kids liked living in the town though as when they started meeting up in the weekends and evenings, everyone wants to come into town.
When my now dh and I combined houses, we looked locally as we liked Frod but never found anything. We now live in North Wales! We love it. The other side of Chester really but easy access to the hills and countryside of N Wales and easier access to Snowdonia. We live in a lovely village between Chester and Mold and feel we have best of both worlds here. Son studying in Manchester and still reasonable to visit.

Try Frod-nice in its own right but so much easier to get to city life than where you are now. If not, think about the life you would like to have. Do you like walking? Shopping? Culture? What sort of environment makes you happy? How do your children feel about moving? If you stayed, what changes would you like to make to make you feel happier? It took me a long time to get over London and I still miss it, but when we’re out in the hills, I’m so content to be where we are now.

Hi Subb
Thanks for that lovely uplifting reply!
Frodsham, well I haven’t been there in years! Castle park was a favorite when the kids were younger.

I’m glad you are settled and happy now, sounds great where you are.

I do love the layout of Chester city. DD likes Chester too ( DS thinks it’s dead , but he’s a hormonal 13 year old!,)

Feeling so much more positive today. Have realised that there are some great towns and villages to visit in cheshire, so it’s not all doom and gloom.

I think I’ve allowed myself to get into a rut and have become rather negative in my thinking. I tend to get bogged down with life, the house, decorating, the garden and then having to drive to get to a decent town etc.

My plan, to visit a different town/city/ village each weekend. Food shopping can be done on a different day, Saturday is sight seeing day!

DD is starting south Cheshire college, DS has 3 years at Tarporley and I’ve go to get a life! Once my cold is gone, I’m off sightseeing.

Thanks everyone 😀👍

I'm in Haslington and feel the same way. We haven't got kids but have never properly settled in the 5 years we have been here. We have hardly any friends here - the two friends I had moved away. I feel like there is nothing for us here.
DH was actually offered a job in Brighton and so we will be selling up and moving now! Easier I guess that we have no ties except the house and I work remotely.

Best of luck User,
I don’t know Haslington, but I’m guessing another rural village near crewe? I had quite a few friends when the kids were little, but again, they have moved away and I’m at a different stage of life now, where I want a bit more of something. I’m trying to make a go of it here ( again) until the teens are more independent.

My partners middle son has just moved to Brighton.

You are in an ideal situation.. go for it !

Crewe is in Cheshire East which imho is not the best part of Cheshire. Cheshire West, again imho has a lot more going on. However the Crewe area is amazing to those who the area caters for. I dont mean to sound rude, but it sounds to me like you moved to an area without researching it first or you would have known what your area offered or in your case lacked. As for you missing your friends and family, that is totally understandable, however, that would be true anywhere you move to.

You are 100% correct Daddy, I did zero research and have paid that price. That said, thanks to some of the MNetters placing positive spins on my situation, I’m starting to see what is around me ( finally)

Hindsight and all that.

I think attitude and perspective can help a lot. There are some amazing places if you know where to look. Depending on how far you can travel there really are some beautiful areas around you 😀

We did live in Chelford for a bit and you might like it round there - Knutsford and Alderley Edge. Yes Haslington is just north of Crewe and south of Sandbach. I do like Cheshire West - Tarporley and Bunbury. But can't imagine making friends there tbh as it seems mostly families. I think I would feel differently if I had friends here.

Interesting thread! I have a dd and ds exactly the same ages as yours. We moved from Oxfordshire to a village in Cumbria 7 years ago. We're in a better position in that our village and surrounding area are really nice, but what I do miss is having a really decent town or small city (like Oxford) nearby.

I feel like I haven't really met any like-minded people since we moved here. Ds has found it hard to make friends too. Like yours, my dd has fared a bit better and gets out and about more. We love the countryside here, but I do sometimes wonder if we might move once ds has finished school.

I tend to get bogged down with life, the house, decorating, the garden and then having to drive to get to a decent town etc.

Yep, me too!

My plan, to visit a different town/city/ village each weekend. Food shopping can be done on a different day, Saturday is sight seeing day!

Sounds great!

We moved to a rural location when I was a teen and I fucking hated it. My parents didn't think it through either. It was hard for all of us.

I completely understand why you are fed up with it. I think rural living is really hard for teens in many cases.
So I'd start planning your move now. As pp's have said maybe 3 years time?

Thanks for this thread, I’m finding it really interesting and the wise responses too. Different circumstances here, similar age to you but younger DC and on holiday near extended family wondering whether to move here (more rural, strong communities, beautiful countryside) from my beautiful, busier and less friendly town. This is helping me see that many of us can have that yearning for something different regardless of our circumstances and perhaps I should take stock, get out and explore more of the benefits of where I live now before doing anything rash!

OP and everyone in a similar situation, all the best with your midterm plan and future projects. We all need something for us as individuals too.

Congratulations OP I see you have made it into the local press 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm sure they just trawl the internet and social media looking for stuff to steal and don't do any actual real journalism.

www.cheshire-live.co.uk/news/chester-cheshire-news/woman-who-regrets-move-cheshire-21344373

Fuck sake!!!

So are you in Tarporley if your dc is at school there?

I saw no "lambasting" going on.

I went into London yesterday with DH and DS. We moved out when DC were very small. It was the right thing to do at the time, for schools, space, crime rates. But I miss the variety of life in London SO much. The peaceful sit down Extinction rebellion protest, the man playing saxophone, the Chinese bakeries churning out hot carp-shaped vanilla sponge cakes, the galleries, the street performers, the wonderful fashion. DH was fazed by it all and glad to come home. DS and I felt restored by it. I want to live in London.

@BlitzenandMikey I would prioritise getting your DD driving (though difficult due to pandemic).

We were "lucky" as we moved when ours were 9-16 to were focused on the teen offerings and ensuring a decent bus service.

I miss decent shops but tbh retail therapy once or twice a year is enough!

Tarporley is lovely compared to Crewe which is a dive I agree

@OnlyFlans

Congratulations OP I see you have made it into the local press 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm sure they just trawl the internet and social media looking for stuff to steal and don't do any actual real journalism.

[[//www.cheshire-live.co.uk/news/chester-cheshire-news/woman-who-regrets-move-cheshire-21344373]]

Really poor form. They should at least ask permission.