How often does your DH speak to his mother on the phone?

[mommynookah]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable being irritated at the frequency of MIL's phone calls.

She calls every other day in the evening for a half hour chat to him, it really irritates me.

I thought she would stop calling so much when we got married...no, maybe when DS was born? no.

I've tried to talk to DH about how I feel but he's defensive about it.

I just think it's a bit wierd - he's a fully grown man with a young family of his own now.

It really annoyed me the other day because the phone woke our newborn DS up. Plus DH missed DS's first giggle because he was on the phone to MIL.

We only have limited time together as a family on an evening, it just annoys me.

I don't know if it's just me being unreasonable though...

My DH speaks to his mum (who lives abraod) about twice a month, for about 10 mins a call.

It wouldnt bother me if they spoke every day, to be honest. As long as I don't have to see her too often

I speak to my mum on the phone every night and she lives around the corner! Even if I see her during the day I still call to say goodnight. It doesn't bother my DH and why would it? I'd be very upset if it angered him that I spoke to my mum

My DH talks to his mum for about an hour once a week and texts/emails her several times a week. I talk to her and email her regularly too. We have 3 (soon to be 4) children under 7.

On balance, and only on the info you've given, and there may well be a back story, I think yab(a wee bit)u.

How is your relationship with her? Why does the call irritate you so much? Does it come at an awkward time of day? Can you ask him to do a set time that doesn't get in the way of your home life?

My DH talks to his Mum once a week for about 10 minutes and I find it very odd, I speak to my Mum every evening, I call her so she can't wake my DS though. It doesn't irritate him that I like to speak to my parents every day. Can I just ask when YOUR DS is all grown up are you you not going to want to speak to him everyday? Would you be furious if your DIL tried to stop you speaking to him as frequently as you want?

YABU. I speak to my mum at least once a day, DH speaks to his once a week, whatever suits. How often would you like your son to speak to you when he's older? Would you like your conversations with him interrupted because someone else decided he should be elsewhere?

But if there is a time we don't want to be disturbed or don't want the phone to ring and wake the children we just unplug the phone or leave the machine to answer it and return calls when the children are in bed.

every month or two.

I speak to my mum every day. (she phones me, I don't phone her!)

How often do you speak to your mum, OP?

Cant yu just ask her t calla t a set time - one that suits you all? Then she wont wake DS etc?

I speak to my mum about once every 3 weeks
dh tries to every week but it is often once a fortnight
when I first met him it was twice a week

Approx weekly. Slightly more often than I talk to my mother.

DH speaks to his mum every other day more or less, I speak to her a couple fo times a week and text her 4 or 5 times a week as well.
I speak to my mum every 2 or 3 days as well.

Do you not get on with her? Seems fiarly normal to me,.

About 4 time a day for a minute or 2 but always for a specific reason, plus he sees her every day, I see her about twice a week, she has a key to our house. She is very busy and has a good social life so she is not dependent on dh. She is great with the dcs and takes them out for lunch on sundays with her friends which is lovely. Maybe your dhs relationship with his mother has a different dynamic. I don't speak to my mother as often but I would find it a bit bizarre if dh issued me with rules and guidelines about when I could speak to her. That said if I am doing something with DH I will tell her I'll phone her back later, I don't drop my DH and DCs like a hot potato just because she has chosen to ring. As a mother of sons I worry about stuff like this.

He has a young family - so he should dump his mum?

Imagine how you would feel if, when your ds starts living with someone she tries to limit the times he speaks to you!

Never, she has been dead for 15 years.

I speak to mine on average once a week. It varies, sometimes it's twice, three times a week, others nothing for 2 weeks. We live 1h 45m apart and have what I would describe as a good, close relationship.

I wonder how I can suppress these feelings of irritation, I really don't want to be annoyed by it and it didn't really bother me before, but nowwith the new baby it just grates. My own mum is happy for me to call her when I get chance what with the upheaval of looking after DS, rather than her call us and wake the baby/call at a difficult moment etc - MIL just seems quite inconsiderate in comparison.

I think also because DH gets in at 6pm, watches the news then spends the rest of the evening planning lessons or playing computer games, admittedly I'm maybe feeling a little jealous...

Plus I find it difficult to like my MIL because she is abusive towards FIL which just makesme wary of her really. Maybe that is a whole new thread in itself.

Maybe exhaustion from 10wo DS's 2 hourly feeding demands is playing a part too

I ring MIL morning and evening as she lives alone and I want to know that she is OK. DH speaks to her once in a blue moon on the phone but that's because he hates phones. ( My step-gran had a stroke many years ago when we were living abroad and it was 2 days before she was found )--- A phone call is surely not to much to ask. My parents are both dead but when my mum lived alone I would ring her twice a day as well- My Dad lived with us .

It would annoy me too but that's because I find my MIL irritating, full stop. I am guessing you are similar with yours?

(I speak to my mum all the time too and realise it is hypocritical!)

woah, missed al these replies!

I've never tried to limit the calls in any way! I would never do that and have no intention of doing that at all!

I wouldn't expect DS to be speaking to me every other night when he's older, I speak to my mum about once a week.

MIL called DH every other night even when he was at uni, I don't know, it's obviously just me that thinks that's excessive! different families have different dynamics I guess.

I will try to work my feelings

I think you might be projecting your irritation with dh for watching tv/working/playing games/talking on the phone instead of spending time with you onto MIL. Cutting down on the calls isn't going to happen but he could manage them better by phoning her more, so she doesn't need to phone him and telling her he will call her back later when its more convenient (and actually doing it). Could he call her from work or after you have gone to bed a couple of times a week to cut down on the family time calls?

Your dm might be happy to wait for your call but mil isn't. It might be because she is more needy and insecure which you can't change by speaking to her less.

If he didn't want to speak to her he only has to say it's not a convenient time.
My dh speaks to his mum every other week, but I speak to my mum nearly every day. It wouldn't bother me if dh spoke to his mum every evening.
.

every day probably, sometimes several times if theres some sort of drama occurring, usually for about five minutes or less sometimes more. It used to bother me, I didnt like her and I was jealous, now I get on with her brilliantly, I really like her and it doesnt bother me in the slightest! Plus, she is such a brilliant nanna to the boys, buys them new clothes and comes with dh's dad to visit or babysit whenever we like, that I can't possibly begrudge her a few phonecalls. In the early days, I did find it all a bit overbearing, and its only since I had ds2 and it was bloody hard work that I havetn had so much time to think about it and have come to really appreciate her interest and her help!

once a week for 10 mins - duty call

I speak to mine even less, so can never understand those who talk every day - I would have nothing to say