How often does your DH speak to his mother on the phone?

[mommynookah]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable being irritated at the frequency of MIL's phone calls.

She calls every other day in the evening for a half hour chat to him, it really irritates me.

I thought she would stop calling so much when we got married...no, maybe when DS was born? no.

I've tried to talk to DH about how I feel but he's defensive about it.

I just think it's a bit wierd - he's a fully grown man with a young family of his own now.

It really annoyed me the other day because the phone woke our newborn DS up. Plus DH missed DS's first giggle because he was on the phone to MIL.

We only have limited time together as a family on an evening, it just annoys me.

I don't know if it's just me being unreasonable though...

Your DH can speak to his mother whenever he feels like it, and you really need to sort out your feelings of resentment over this.

Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you wnat to speak to your DS when he's grown up whenever you want to?

If he enjoys the calls, you should be happy for him.

Is it possible the issue here isn't actually your MIL it's about the fact that your DH isn't giving you enough attention. He seems to be investing time in his mother when maybie you would quite like it to be you.

oh god i feel like a terrible person now!

i wouldn't say he enjoys the calls, they're certainly 'duty'calls.

is it so bad that i would quite like it if he invested time in me?

i'm going to have to give this some thought about how to sort this out. thanks for your replies x

i mean as in sort it out in my own head, won't be saying anything to DHabout it again.

Its not bad that you want him to invest more time in you. Him speaking to his mother doesn't seem to be the core issue though. On the days she doesn't call does he spend the extra 30 min with you or is he watching tv/playing games?

If its a duty call and it bothers him that it cuts into the time he spends with his wife and baby he would have sorted it out himself by phoning her at lunchtimes or when you are doing something else or cutting the duration down. If it doesn't bother him then your simmering resentment is misdirected I'm afraid.

Mommynookah dont feel bad, I think its quite a common thing to feel like this, its just not that rational! I felt exactly the same when i had a small baby, think you should just work on getting DH to spend some quality time with you, then you maybe wont notice it so much!

I think you are being a little unreasonable. It isn't every night all night and you are getting time with him on the nights when she doesn't call. I think you should try to be happy that they have a close relationship and that hopefully he will instil this value into your children.

FYI my DH speaks to his mother almost everyday. For about 20 minutes.

Does she email or msn? I was in a similar situation and I didnt want the routine to spoil what potential should be nice conversations. I introduced the older relative to email so they have a way to contact me any time, and made the phone calls random (not sure why but this worked for me). I then began to enjoy talking to them more.

Op

You shouldn't feel terrible but you do need to look at what is actually annoying you.

It sounds to me as if your DH gets home at 6.00pm and then spoends every little time with you. rather than be angry about the fact that he choses to spend time in activities doing things away from you and leaving you alone, it is easier for you to focus on the half an hour he spends talking to his mother and blame her.

Your MIL is nothing to do with how you are feeling. You would just rather be angry with her for bothering you, than be upset with your DH for ignoring you.

Tell your DH to grow up and stop playing games in the evening. He isn't a teenager , he is a husband and father.

I agree with pagwatch. You're making this about your MIL because you don't like her, but the real issue is that your DH spends very little time with you, and only a small proportion of the time he's not spending with you is spent on the phone to his mother.

Can you have a calm conversation with him about how you feel (without mentioning his mother!)?

Just thinking about what DH used to do when our DC1 was 10 weeks old.

He came back from work and then any time I wasn't bfing during the evening, he wanted to hold DD and catch up with both of us after being at work all day.

He usually settled her after feeds to let me get a shower or eat something etc.

The TV didn't really go on.

I'd expect your DH to be more interested in his wife and new baby than TV news and computer games tbh.

Sounds like your DH is the one who's limiting the time you have as a family.

(to answer OP, DH is in a routine of phoning his mum on sunday mornings. She doesn't like evening calls as she goes to bed early.)

To answer the OP. Once a week.