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Relationships

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Original poster

educated woman/uneducated man - does it ever work?

42 replies

ladychatterley52 · 03/07/2010 18:46

Can a relationship ever work between a highly educated woman and an uneducated man?
Assuming of course that he's intelligent in the first place.

Have just met someone, he's bright, interesting, kind and gorgeous but our backgrounds couldn't be more different. I'm not looking for a husband or provider, just a companion really with some major interests in common. Don't know whether I should get too involved....

OP posts:

TheButterflyEffect · 03/07/2010 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PiggyMad · 03/07/2010 19:06

I think it can - if he is bright and intelligent and you share the same outlook on certain issues like money and work-life balance etc then I don't see why not - assuming he doesn't have a chip on his shoulder. I suppose it is sort of related to class, really, not just education?

Otterlybotterly · 03/07/2010 19:08

Yes, most definitely. It works very well in our house - my OH is kind, generous, loving, honest, funny and faithful, and has been for nearly 20 years. Oh, and 'good with his hands' in every way . He left school at 16, I've got an MSc. It's completely irrelevant.

Earlybird · 03/07/2010 19:17

What are your interests that you'd hope to share with a dp?

What are his interests?

Are you likely to find some common ground?

At this early stage perhaps no way to know, but would your friends/family accept someone from a completely different background? Would his?

PortiaNovmerriment · 03/07/2010 19:20

Of course it can. DP is very much self-taught in all the stuff he knows, whereas I'm all degreed out of my ears. He is still fascinating and great company, and proud to have a 'clever' girlfriend he raves about to all his friends and family.

Lynli · 03/07/2010 19:34

definitely. I could think of nothing worse than having a DH who knows more than I do.

msboogie · 03/07/2010 19:42

oh god yes, I couldn't be doing with a bloke who thought he was clever than me...

celticfairy101 · 03/07/2010 19:43

I think the new Australian prime minister, Julia Gilliard would have words to say about that!

gomummygo · 03/07/2010 20:13

Yes, definitely. Good luck!

notnowbernard · 03/07/2010 20:15

Fine IMO and E

As already mentioned, you can be bright, intelligent etc without being formally educated

Original poster

ladychatterley52 · 03/07/2010 23:14

Thank you everyone, Piggy what you said about a chip is spot on, I've had experience of that....No way of knowing yet, too early.
I like the personal experiences too.

Think I'll just concentrate on getting to know him - I think I might be concerned about how he might fit in with friends/family but that's a way ahead. As for blokes who think they're cleverer than you are, had my share of them too and nothing worse.

OP posts:

Portofino · 03/07/2010 23:28

I was in a relationship for many years with a plumber. He was a lovely guy and very bright and interesting. We had much in common.

As I moved on with my career though, he had a "problem" with it. His family had a problem with it. I had endless digs about working hours that I wasn't paid for, that they would "suck the life from me". I had to study and take exams, and suddenly this became a nuisance.

At the end of the day, I really respected him for the good job that he did, but he didn't respect me - he thought what I was doing was a bit foolish in some way - he would have preferred me to have a job in Tesco - he could COPE with that. I just wanted to be supported. In the end I had to leave. I still miss him actually.

booyhoo · 03/07/2010 23:32

well i hope so because i left school at 15 and OH is working towards his degree (i know it is the opposite of what you describe, i woman, he man) he definitely doesn't see himself as any better than me and i am proud of him for having the discipline to do something i couldn't.

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 18:17

yes, of course

peppapighastakenovermylife · 04/07/2010 19:23

Yes of course - depends on the man.

I have a PhD and always excelled academically. I am an academic, very into knowledge etc etc.

DH is a tradesman with a handful of gcse's.

99% of the time he is just fine although we do realise we live in different worlds in our work lives. He accuses me of using big words . I rant at him admitting his argument is something stemming from The Sun or Daily Mail

We are just skilled in separate ways. He will never write a book - I will never be able to sort the plumbing / lay the patio / unblock the drains. He is as horrified at the idea of him writing a book as I am at unblocking the drain

I go on the idea that opposites attract - we compliment each other but have the same outlook on other things. I have my friends and colleagues to be 'educated' with - he has his friends to be trademan ish with .

It helps that he isnt bothered by the fact I have a higher level of education that him or earn twice as much as him.

Original poster

ladychatterley52 · 04/07/2010 22:55

Are there any issues when you go out as a couple, say a dinner party of something like that? Or do you lead completely separate social lives?

OP posts:

valiumSingleton · 04/07/2010 23:35

It depends entirely. What does 'educated' mean to you?

My x had a degree plus further business qualifications and had no 3rd level qualifications. Yet I he knew nothing other than what he had specifically learnt. He knew no French or Spanish or German and I have two of those languages. He never seemed to recognise any famous paintings, or pieces of music, he had no appetite for reading........

I have no piece of paper but I felt like the more educated one. He thought I was stupid though.

valiumSingleton · 04/07/2010 23:36

That should have read "I had no 3rd level..."

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 04/07/2010 23:50

I am far better educated/qualified than dh, but he is actually far more intelligent/erudite than I am.

NeverPushWhenItSaysPull · 04/07/2010 23:54

DH was deeply impressed that I was in uni when we met; he had dropped out of school with no qualifications. He admitted to me after a couple of years that he often had no clue what I was talking about! Of course, now he realises that I am quite ditsy...

However, I have huge respect for his intellect and talents. We both got where we are by working hard and we come from similar, working class backgrounds so it has always seemed like we are compatible. And he is charming, gregarious and popular (unlike me), all of which make the social aspect of our life easier.

I think if you had to ask the question, something is bothering you about the situation. Are your/his friends condescending? Does he resent your success?

IMoveTheStars · 05/07/2010 00:01

Education isn't really the issue, IME I am the more academic and more educated as such, DP left school at 16 with really bad GCSE's. He's certainly no less intelligent that me (probably more so? I think we're quite even) but he just didn't do well at school.

Incidentally, he earns exactly double what I do, despite education. He's just better in other areas

I couldn't be in a relationship who had either a noticably higher/lower IQ than me (as the best measure I have).

Elzy · 05/07/2010 00:05

My OH is degree educated and from a lovely family. I was dragged up and left school at 15 with no GCSE's.

And dyu know what?! I'm definitely the more intelligent of the two of us!!! I must sound incredibly arrogant saying so, but it's been noticed by many!!!!!

I am generally more articulate, academic more well read and (having been to the university of life) - more streetwise!

I am also forever having to re-write his work as he can't spell! I am entirely self-taught.....blows own trumpet

I think my crowning moment was last year, when his intimidatingly intellectual family were invited to a quiz night. After themselves, they had only one space left on the table and chose to take me with them over their own son!!! They quite bluntly told him why as well!!!!!

Elzy · 05/07/2010 00:07

Should have inserted a comma between 'academic' and 'more'. EPIC FAIL at trying to prove how smart I am!!!

IMoveTheStars · 05/07/2010 00:20

Elzy, you sound a bit orrible - sorry, but you seem to take much happiness in the fact that you're the clever one..

Elzy · 05/07/2010 00:28

Well he's the looker, so you've got to give me something....!

Come on girl - get a sense of humour!!!

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