I'm never going to meet anyone, am I?

[BEAUTlFUL]

I need a bit of tough love and any spare hugs you have going.

H left a year ago. Since then I've met one twunt online-dating who just lied, and another one who seemed nice but I think is going the same way.

I've lost tons of weight, have regular beauty nights and look good... But I work from home and have two young kids (7 and 2). I'm 39.

I'm never going to meet anyone, am I?

I know a lady who divorced and met someone also divorced with children and they went to to marry and have another child together. It was a long ride but it was successful.

I think meeting men in a similar situation is a good move...how do you feel about that or are you just going for single no children man?

You are blessed with beautiful kids so you can take your time finding the bloke...better this way round in a way?

If it's any help I was 35 and a single mother to one (hard work) boy when I met DH. I had been told by a 'player' type that I would find it difficult to meet someone who would 'take us both on'.

But I was told the opposite by far more men- including my own four brothers.

I met DH on a very, very drunken hen night in a nightclub. I wasn't going to go as I'd fallen out with the bride a bit, but decided to anyway.

It turned out that we had both been on the same dating site at the same time but hadn't been 'matched'-possibly because I was/am a smoker and he had specified non-smokers, possibly because I was out of his 'preferred' age range (I'm 5 years older than him). Or possibly because he didn't meet some of my specs.

If you've been quite...strict with your preferences, it might be worth opening them up a bit. Not saying you have to throw away your principles on important issues, but maybe there's some wiggle room?

Do what you enjoy, too. My mother was adamant that I wouldn't meet anyone 'nice' in a nightclub- but I figured, I'm nice, I like clubbing, the odds are that my male equivalent might be out there.

Try, too, something in the martial arts line, if you think it might suit you. Lots of nice-looking (and nice) men in my club!!!

Incidentally DH was single, no children when we met. Tall, dark and handsome, too. And, erm, quite well off.

One last story.... a friend of one chap I dated met a woman with two children and married her a couple of years later. He was delighted that the woman he fell in love with had children- because he had been told he could never have children of his own and had given up hope of a family. Those children were an added wonderful bonus for him.

Beautiful, I'd run from a player.

I agree with TDiddy, when you have children you can be all latino about finding somebody else. Pasa lo que pase, and if it happens manana, so what.

I agree with shodan about the preferences thing - both with your ones and theirs.

Both dates I've been out on had smoking - no way/non-smoke.

The date I had yesterday is indeed a non smoker - but he carries a lighter on him at all times because he gets asked so often if he's got a lighter LOL.

you are clearly BEAUTIFUL so without being too too vain you could just enjoy/take pleasure in yourself a little but be open and friendly. A bit of confidence combined openness will have them eating out of your palm.

Beautiful, don't give up! I am a success story; met DP 3 years ago on dating site, we're both mid 40s, 4 kids between us aged from 10-18. 6 months ago we moved in together, very happy - he's kind, thoughtful, intelligent, good looking, successful at work etc etc etc Definitely NOT a player.

In my search I specified ages 30-50 - thought it would be interesting to branch out.. he put between 38 and 45, so won loads of brownie points in advance for not just ticking the 18-30 box.

Vis-a-vis kids, he said he would never have looked for a younger childless woman, because he would be concerned that a.) they wouldn't have much in common b.) he'd already got his 2 kids and didn't want to have any more - though he's happy to put up with my 2 teens!

So you see there are some good men out there and having kids is not a negative at all. I was 42 when I met him, so the big 4-0 didn't seem to be a problem either!

I second the idea that you need to view each first date as a potential last date, just an opportunity to share a nice meal with someone and have an interesting (hopefully!) chat.

Good luck!! And have fun in the meantime

Beautiful I have been feeling a lot like you, I am 45 but am told I look much younger.

I was on a dating site and have just recently removed my profile as I was getting bombarded with winks and e-mails, mostly from guys who just didn't measure up.

I am encouraged by this and have met just one man for a date in the 6 months I've been on there. I have arranged to meet him next week for the second time. But my problem is although he seems nice I just didn't fancy him.

So I have decided to meet him in the hope that either this will change as he is nice or he will at least become a friend.

Going back to Shodan's post, I met a guy in a club a couple of months back and I really did fancy him. But he was a player and friends of mine who knew him warned me off.

I would much prefer to meet people in RL than on dating sites, I agree with the comments about confidence and allowing some openness (sp?). Dress to impress and hold your head high, you will be amazed at how many people catch your eye - and then just smile.

Don't worry, one will arrive when you're not looking. My aunt, single mother of handicapped son in his 40's - pulled a good man at the age of 75. Her boyfriend is 80. Never despair.

I don't know about beautiful but the thought of pulling at 75 isn't raising my spirits all that much
good for her though
I think I'll be well into cats and tapestries by then

ifancyashandy -.

Martial arts sounds a good idea - strong disciplined men picking you up and putting you down in a controlled manner

Actually, te 'player' bloke had a point about how some single mums behave. 'I'm looking for a nice man, I've been hurt by bastards, I'm incredibly needy, whiny and desperate' is a little offputting to nice men and, unfortunately, it's very attractive to predators and cocklodgers.
You need to get over the desperation, don't put your life on hold till there's A Man in it, or you'll meet someone OK - he will just be a tosser.

BEAUTIFUL
I'm newly single, and about the same age. i reckon:
a) there doesn't have to be loads of men out there, just ONE thats right for me
b) If i learn to be happy while I am alone, i NEVER have to fear it again.
c) stay away from things that drain your optimism. Like all the "oh my god I have a better chance of being hit by lightening..."

You will be fine. I will be fine.

To the op - no you're not.

Fishonabike sums it up really rather eloquently (on other R thread).

ie We are a load of bitches looking for a fight and worse, we didn't lick her husband to death when he posted for help. aaaaww.

Don't give up.
I was widowed two years ago at the age of 43, I also have three children who have autism and will need life long care, who would ever be interested in me and the kids?
41 weeks ago I met Tom he did his nurse training with one of my mates, he's divorced with two children who live with him, we fell in love very quickly and he asked me to marry him and presented me with a ring at 5 weeks and six days we are incredibly happy all 7 of us get on brilliantly and we are going on holiday together for the second time in a few weeks time.
Good luck and be positive.

Oh Beautiful, of course you'll meet someone - though naturally that will be when you don't even want to because you're happy, and aren't thinking about blokes. Tis always the way

Thank you all so, so much for your lovely, positive replies. I love the adice about getting busy with my own life, and being cheerful.

The split from H has left me a bit scarred inside - I only realised that when my cousin came to live here; she's so outgoing and "sparkley" that it made me see how withdrawn and cynical I'd become.

The DC are with H this weekend, and I have a dinner date on Friday, a coffee date on Sat morning and a party on Sat night - I will get all glammed-up and be cheerful, positive and optimistic -- and not have any expectations for any of them! Thanks!

just to respond to the "Do we know anyone (except the lovely colditz) who is a single mum nearing 40 and has gone on to find someone lovely? Or is that just the stuff of legend?"

I am OVER 40 (41 to be precise) have 2 DDs and split with Ex in November - he only moved out in Jan. I went on soulmates and had 4 dates. 1 I met only once and almost ran screaming we were so obviously incompatible. 1 I met twice and liked a lot, we stay in touch sporadically, he was a bit eccentric but we got on. 1 I met once and he was up for meeting again but there was no real spark. He emailed me recently actually. The last one (who was actually the one I met first) now features HUGELY in my life and I am still pinching myself he is so lovely. TBH it might not have happened. We met and got on like a house3 on fire - chatted for 3 hours over our first coffee...but he is slightly unusual looking and wouldn't have been an obvious physical choice for me. Also, as he reminded me recently - he was only a 70% match for me (I was a 90% match for him) but there was something, just SOMETHING about his profile that appealed. We met for coffee another couple of times, then cinema, then he took me for dinner for my birthday and we kissed that night (felt like being 16 I tell ya!) I went home with him on 5th or 6th date. Then there were complications in the bedroom department that I thought might sink the relationship. But you know what he is just such a lovely, kind thoughtful funny man that I now think he is utterly wonderful, we've worked through the bedroom issues, he's met the DDs and they really like him and we are BOTH pinching ourselves.

So YES there is hope. Not all men are players who think GOD NO to a "woman with kids" some men can see through that to the person you are. I would agree with the poster who siad soemthing about not overthinking it. Go out there to meet new people (I was just hoping for someone to go to cinema or coffee with really, had no great other expectations, just wanted to be treated nicely and with respect after a hideous last couple of years with H - NEVER expected to meet the love of my life [which is how it now feels]_) I KNOW I won't have come across as needy or apologetic about my situation. I am who I am. Thrilled I have my kids and not interested in anyone who wouldn't be ionterested in me because of them.

I guess the other thing I am saying is sometimes do be prepared to look outside the box a bit, whether in terms of physical characteristics, occupation, whatever...

and gOod luck...have fun this weekend!

oh there you are OJ {grin]

(honestly girls if you could see the on every single on of OJ's FB pictures)

yes we are both very very happy everyone who sees us can see that, i mean who would have thought i could find such amazingly beautiful happiness after the very difficult years we have had, Tom is so lovely, he brought me love hearts yesterday
he makes me smile in my sleep and makes my heart do that whoosh thing and then theres the wobbly legs.
its funny cos before we met i always said i would never find anyone and my mates told me i would but it would have to be someone very very special, they were right thou i didnt believe them for one minute.
amazing things can and do happen but you do need to be in a good place before it can happen.
My 3 kids adore Tom and his two kids, Tom talks to the kids about their dad which is fab as even thou Steve is dead he is still a big part of our lives.

awwwwwwww

Hi Beautiful. Just came across your post from nearly two years ago and wondered how you were geting on?!

I'm in a similar situation to you. 40, separated for just over 2 years, divorcing shortly, two boys 7 & 2, like to think I look after myself, have had two 3 month, ?relationships?, from internet dating, one was a player, second told me three months in that he couldn?t accept my past and the fact I had children (he?d never met them) neither of them had been married or had children. I work part time, own my own home etc. Some days I feel like, ?Nope I?m fine, don?t need anyone?, yet the next I REALLY, REALLY want to meet someone!!