Do I Go For It Or Get Out Now

[HelpPrettyPlease]

Just testing name change to start

It works. No wassa problem? I think, without even hearing the problem, that you should get out. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking...

It worked phew.Ok so i wanted some opinions please.I split up with my abusive exp quite a few years ago and we have two children together.Thats about as much detail on that as i can give.

Anyway i have recently started seeing a new man.He is everything my ex isnt kind,caring,considerate.He has two children who he sees regulary and therefore understands that i cant get a babysitter at the drop of a hat and unlike men i have dated previously he gets that my children come first.So all seems pretty perfect and im really starting to fall for him.Problem is he was a friend of exps for years not a very close friend but they did used to go for the odd drink.In the last four years they havent really spoken much other than a quick chat on the phone.Now i know exp would go mad if he found out but at the same time i know he would go mad if he knew i was dating anyone.

So what do i do end it now yes or no?

Is he married?

Just because of your ex? No.
But why were they friends in the first place? If they have anything in common, then maybe yes, depending on what it is.

Oh no no ones married.Its all to do with the fear of my exp reaction.I still feel like he controls most aspects of my life to a certain degree.

They used to work together.

Not enough info. You ask if you should get out now - is that specifically because your ex will go mad when he finds out?

Yes because ex will go mad when he finds out.I wouldnt bother to tell him until it was serious with anyone as he doesnt need to know about every date.I just dont want to get hurt.

Yes unlikely is right; you have not given enough information on the situation.

What else would you like to know.

Hurt by who? Ex or the new man?

Do not put off having a loving relationship with another person simply because your ex would not like you to. Only you know if this is, or will be, such a relationship.

Your ex does not own you; you simply owe it to each other to co-parent together in an effective and cordial manner. Hope that helps

Sorry im not very good at this.I dont want to get hurt by falling for new man and then having to end it cos of ex and i dont want to get hurt physically by exp.I just dont know my close friend thinks that exp is so nuts no matter what i do im always at risk of getting a thump.Another friend thinks that im crazy to go near new man.Sometimes though you just cant help who you fall for.

Thank you CaramelWaffle i feel so stupid that i even have to ask.I worry about things so much.I have low self esteem after being so down trodden for years and i know that i need to stop over analysing.

i think the first thing you should do is explain to your new man that you think your ex will hurt you if he knows you're in a serious relationship.

and you shouldn't feel you should end a relationship because of what your ex thinks.
he's your EX, so that means he has no say in what you do or who you date.

i know it's scary for you, but you have to put aside anything of what your ex might think.

Sounds like you need to move away and / or get a contact order re dcs and an injunction against your exP.

You are not living your life are you. It is your life. You are allowed to shag Ken bloody Dodd if you want to. The new man isn't the problem. Your ex is. Still.

You are right unlikelyamazonian.I have tried all of what you said apparently as i was informed an injunction can only run for so long without any further incidents of violence.

I cant belive after all this time he still tries to control me and obviously by even posting this question it proves im letting him.Im not sure what to do next.Maybe i may need some counselling or something.

You don't sound like you need counselling. It sounds like you need some legal steps to ensure that if your ex thumps you, ever, he is in deep bloody shit with the police and with the courts over access to your children.

Forget the new man problem for the moment. It sounds like it is going to be the same with any man you date.

I take it your ex is a shining example of sexual virtue and is not dating or having serious/casual sex with any other female on the planet and has no intention of ever doing so??

I dont ask what he gets up to as i really dont care.Unless it affects our children i dont feel the need to know.But if he has cheated in every relationship he has ever had i would say its highly unlikely he hasnt formed any sort of relationships since we split.I guess i will just wait and see what happens.Hopefully i am completely wrong and he would cope maturely with the news.I wont hold my breath though

Where did you go? again

Oh no just to update my new man told exp last night that we are together.Exp beat him up and new man thinks he deserves it and wouldnt press charges as he thinks he done wrong dating a mates ex.

Soo exp has been on the phone all day screaming abuse at me telling me that he has made sure new man stays away from me.Im in bits i know im pathetic but ive really fallen for new man and he has text me saying we will talk.Im going to get dumped i know it.

Restraining order time.

Most definitely time to get a Restraining Order!

Do you think?Ive been through this once already cant believe it is happening again.I just want to be free from my ex.

yes, but, honestly - he's bigger than you.

so

Involve people who can LEGALLY pick him up and remove him - the police.

Get a restraining order and any contact from him to you will be punished. Just tell the police he's broken it, the police will come and sort him out, and eventually, he will give up and fuck off.