So come and tell me what's so great about being low maintenance

[OrmRenewed]

"You are the only thing
In any room
You're ever in"

Courtesy of Elbow - Starlings

I am a coper, a low-maintenance, just-get-on-with-it sort of woman, I am not beautiful, sometimes I struggle to manage 'homely' TBH. A Martha not a Mary. I have never been given a diamond ring or any expensive jewellery. My skills lie in juggling and managing and making things work - use not ornament. Which mostly is as I wish it to be.

But sometimes,I think it would be nice to be the sort of person the above is said to or even thought about. I wonder how life would have been if I had been born beautiful and not just clever and capable.

Anyone know what I mean?

Yup.

And I remember reading "Successful wives have diamonds and headaches" in a short story by alice Munro, and my blood ran cold.

I'll try and think of some positives, because there are many of them. Including the platitude that hey, we're the world to our children.

But I have to go off and do something unremarkable now ... .

Ah, but never everyone who is born beautiful is a) demanding, conceited and incapable b) unintelligent.

I know what you mean. Am very much a coper, a "safe pair of hands".

However am lucky at DH seems to think I'm stunning. But as I don't expect shiny baubles, he doesn't think to give them to me. He falls for the "coper" imgage and occanisally needs reminding that I'm more than that.

I know expat - don't you just hate them?

I am high maintenance, as in demanding and princessy, but certainly not supermodel material. I have a rather inflated sense of my own worth, and luckily DH agrees

Yeah, yeah I do.

That's v. true, expat.

I think I was homing in on the lack of exceptionality, and the tendency to be the background, rather than the main feature.

But yes, you're absolutely right about beauty - my sister is v. beautiful and v. lovely. And i had a friend who would probably be classed as ugly but who was v. diva-like. I did love her diva qualities. I think I am naturally an audience.

There you go - there's an advantage, right there; you attract diva-ish friends, because you're a good audience, and you can watch them being exciting, without having to do all that stuff yourself!

Now that is true. It would be exhausting being the centre of attention all the time. Or even ever!

I must admit, I have occasionally had fantasies where I am cherished, not just the servant enabler.

I have no doubts about DH's devotion, even though he rarely shows it. The DDs are rather less aprreciative, esp the teenager (horrible thing). But my doggies adore me although they are always too skint to buy me dinner/expensive gifts/surprise vacations. (sigh)

Don't you think diva-ish/beautiful/glamorous women tend to attract awful men? One of my best friends at uni was absolutely stunning, really lovely but so beautiful, tall, blonde, tanned, stunning figure, and really stylish too. But it always seemed that because she was so beautiful, the only men brave enough to even speak to her were complete twats.

So whilst i was always a bit jealous when she got stared at in clubs etc, she had a string of not-nice boyfs, whilst i got a lovely dependable man who i'm now very happily settled with - she never seemed to be happy, iyswim.

I'm just happy if the missus goes to the supermarket once a year for a big shop.

The other day she posted a letter for me without me having to help.

Was v made up.

I wouldn't be with someone who expected material things, tbh. I don't. I just demand a lot of time/attention from my DH.

Oh I think I'm cherished quite a bit. I'm cherished as the maker of packed lunches, the finder of lost h-w, scissors and books, the provider or clean uniforms...the list is endless. I should be overwhelmed by by cherishedness

When you talk about being "high maintenance" as a woman, do you usually mean

"demanding lots of ridiculous new clothes and jewellery at every opportunity, plus a new kitchen every year",

or do you mean

"highly strung and liable to sob and stamp her foot like a child if she doesn't get her own way, and can't just get on with stuff without a lot of emotional reassurance and cajoling"?

Because I have heard it used to mean both.

And both, let me assure you, would be a bloody nightmare as a wife.

Hmmm I don't know. Probably both

I think I quite like the idea that I could be all those things and someone would still worship the ground I walked on, instead of laughing at me and telling me to get a grip.

A man couldn't get away with being like that though!

True. A man couldn't get away with expecting an engagement or eternity ring either - but that seems to be acceptable amongst many women.

I am forever allocated to 'use' not 'ornament'.

I've learnt not to look in the mirror.

I do like being capable and skilled though- and I value others according to their talent for doing things, not their talent at accessorising.

I don't mind the tradition of the engagement ring, as I tend to think it's part and parcel of the whole marriage thing, but what I hate is the moaning on here about him not having spent enough on it!! Seriously! Talk about ungrateful...

I'm not a high maintenance wife at all - definitely a coper, a sorter and a manager.

But DH has started bringing me flowers home, usually on a Friday, which is lovely.

(I've stopped asking him what he's done wrong!)

He likes to buy me expensive jewellery too, which is much appreciated.

Maybe the key to being low maintenance is that your other half may well know you are this and he or she does not have to do much to "keep" you however if he/she were asked what you would do if he/she cheated they would respond that they know you would leave immediately. In other words you make things tick and you are very competent but when it comes to the big issues like faithfulness etc you won't tolerate being messed around. Ultimately it puts the real responsibility for the relationship back to them. To some extent it is easy to buy expensive jewellery etc. But anyone who thinks that means they have totally got it made might be fooling themselves (and their other half might be making a fool out of them). (On the other hand of course maybe the jewellery clad don't care too much about the faithfulness bit but that is not a kind of relationship I rate too much anyway)

"highly strung and liable to sob and stamp her foot like a child if she doesn't get her own way, and can't just get on with stuff without a lot of emotional reassurance and cajoling"

Oh God the missus is high maintenance!! Damn it. Mind you, after 14 years she's still got a fine fine ass...

An annoying woman can make up for it by being utterly filthy in bed. An annoying man can make up for it by having shitloads of cash. Or so it seems. Such is the "contract"...

I can't stand high maintenance people. They are always selfish and demanding, and that makes them boring and hard work. There are more and more high maintenance men around too with their manicures and body waxing fgs.

UQD - I think annoying people can only make up for it in that way short-term or with equally annoying/shallow people. It doesn't matter how much cash Liam/Noel Gallagher have for eg, I couldn't bring myself to shag either, ever.