After many years together, who has still got that 'spark'?

[dinosaurus]

For those who have been in a relationship for 15 years plus:

Have you still got that special 'spark'? If not: when did it disappear, what did you do about it, did you ever get it back? If you haven't got it back, have you accepted your relationship on different terms, or moved on? Is it unrealistic to expect a spark after many years, especially when a relationship is, for most of the time actually quite harmonious? Do you think your spark disapeared because one or other of you had changed?

Sorry to ask so many questions - in a bit of a pickle at the mo, and need other perspectives please!

I had that quote as a reading at my wedding...married in 2008 after 12 years together..still got the spark now too!

Cheerful Vicky, I hope you don't settle for an abusive arse either. I don't know you but I've no doubt you're worth more than that. Being alone can feel lonely, specially when you've children but being with someone who's abusing you is one of the loneliest, most isolating things in the world isn't it. Been there, done that.

And when I talk about taking the rough with the smooth, I don't mean mean putting up with a man who disrespects and scares you and/or uses you as an emotional or physical punch bag because they can't deal with themselves and their many issues.

There was a fantastic thread some time ago that got bumped up again which I love and should be a sticky on this forum. Take a look if you've time.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

It sounds like you are changing, and just need to figure out who you are. Losing the jealousy could be a really good thing, reflective of your increasing self confidence and nothing really to do with him at all.

I don't think it's a bad thing that you feel being on your own would be no bad thing, in fact I think it's essential to our relationship. We both are the kind of person who is happy on their own, which means that in order to make being together worthwhile, we have to keep the relationship good.

Which means that we don't let bad habits (such as treating each other badly) build up: when we are going that way for whatever reason one or the other will say 'hang on, this is not working for me' and the other will listen as we know that we will only stay with each other if it's better than the alternative, and the alternative is pretty good, iyswim.

Been together since we were both 14 and we are both now 28 and been married for 11 years. Still the same spark still snog, still slow dance round the living room to the song we got married to and embarass the kids! Spark has never faded or even slowed still had lots of sex/intimacy even when we had the babies etc.

I think its much easier having children/marriage young to be honest and never had to go through the tired after having babies thing as we were used to going out clubbing together all weekend, every weekend so when both ours where born it didnt make much difference as we were used to never sleeping anyway. He is my best friend and even though we hardly ever go out much alone though we spent our nights playing on the wii together, playing board games and cards etc. We text each other whenever we are apart and all our friends thing we are cheesy but I dont care

I am too knackered to notice the spark atm. I trust that it's there but I do wonder sometimes.

I hold on to the fact that he is good man, who is 100% loyal and loving and trustworthy. Doesn't look that 'sparky' written down though does it

Seeing this thread is really uncanny. I was watching the Hotel last night and watching that elderly couple who had been married for 49 years and who still seemed really in love. I was thinking how nice it was and said to DP that it seems that it is our Grandparents generation who appear on the whole to have the marriages that have survived. I was saying how this generation ought to be more vocal on what exactly a "happy" marriage is. I think that these days we are fed this media driven distorted idea of what being in love is. I think that the reality of love is much closer to what many of us actually have but because of the great media myth believe is lacking IFYSWIM!

This is such a nice thread to read and makes me take heart that a good marriage/relationship doesn't have to necessarily involve swinging off the chandeliers 24/7, reading eachothers minds or being "soulmates" and that ups and downs and periods where things aren't so great are normal and don't spell the end of a relationship.

Even after the most blazing row, I never feel as though i would want to trade in, I always feel like I chose the right 'un. Wouldn't call that a spark but a very re-assuring feeling

How would I bring him back in my heart if someone else is causing my beating heart fast and happy?!
I'm in turmoil of this marriage because I cannot accept the fact I am just an empty vessel for him for the entire 10years.

He hooked up with a guy and I slept many hot men and would still be counting in months ahead. I am staying and he is staying for the kids sake.

My marriage sucks I somehow wants to work it but I feel it's not worthy anymore. I denounced my church and my beliefs and now I am trying to pursue a man that I am not sure of if he would wanna be serious about...

Sex and respect and beliefs that true love can last even eternity. Can someone talk to me and bang my head on the wall because I have no married couple friends who can see the problem n say something about it???

Sharleen..maybe you need to start your own thread for more traffic.

I took a picture of DH hanging out washing.

So if hegoes. Efore me, I'll have a snapshot of the lovely , thoughtful things he used to do.

( he had a stroke earlier this year and we are getting on a bit )