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Original poster

Can a flirtation be harmless?

41 replies

flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 14:41

Well, that's the question, can it?

Have started flirting with a man who I'm not attracted to, it's just fun.. and different

I know if my DH flirted with a woman in the same manner, I'd be very annoyed but I'm wondering is that just me being incredibly jealous, or can it be harmless?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 22/06/2010 14:43

If in doubt, don't go there.

lucykate · 22/06/2010 14:44

no

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 22/06/2010 14:45

If you wouldn't like your H to do it, then don't do it.

Never under-estimate also, how attractive someone can become if they like and desire you.

Ultimately too, it's not really fair on the other party, whom you are using to get an ego boost.

booyhoo · 22/06/2010 14:46

you said yourself that if yoru dh did it you would be annoyed, therefore it is not harmless.

if you were single and the other man was single, and he knew it wasn't leading anywhere then it would be harmless but in your case you have a DH and you know it would hurt him if he found out.

LadyCad · 22/06/2010 14:46

Of course it can. I have flirted outrageously with my hairdresser for 15 years. God I love him.

It depends what you want out of it though. My home life is very precious to me and I don't want to jeapordise it. DP knows about my other "love", he teases me and it's all very open.

Bramshott · 22/06/2010 14:49

Yes.

But on here people will tell you that it can't be .

IsGraceAvailable · 22/06/2010 14:52

Yes.

But you said that what you're doing would make you jealous, if the shoe was on the other foot.

Why?

Original poster
flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 15:13

Thanks for all the comments, I had thought as much.

I used to be quite a big flirt and had great fun texting and chatting with men, I just miss it I think

IsGraceAvailable He had a brief emotional affair years ago, I don't trust him fully and would be suspicious if he flirted with another woman now

OP posts:
Original poster
flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 15:18

LadyCad I suppose the difference here is that DH doesn't know about it, if it were out in the open, I think that would be ok too

OP posts:
celticfairy101 · 22/06/2010 16:37

Of course a flirtation can be harmless but to remain harmless you must stick to the rules. You say your not attracted to the bloke and that is keeping soundly within the rules.

celticfairy101 · 22/06/2010 16:39

Having said that and reread your post. Why wouldn't you want your husband flirting with someone in the same way? In your words, it's only a bit of fun after all. Are you getting revenge for the emotional affair? If that's the case then you should stop for the sake of the person your flirting with.

secunda · 22/06/2010 16:42

Flirting can be harmless. I flirt a lot at work, I have my 'favourites' but would never 'go there' IYSWIM. If you go beyond incidental flirting (like flirting when you bump into someone) and deliberately seek them out/text them, so that it's strictly between the two of you, then that is getting to be something more

AnyFucker · 22/06/2010 18:48

If it is done in secret and to a level you wouldn't be happy with in your partner...then it is wrong

I agree with WWIFN...you may not consciously fancy him but if he reciprocates, turns on the charm and you are still smarting from your DH's EA, you are on very dangerous ground

You are fooling yourself, I think

FabIsGettingFit · 22/06/2010 18:51

Have you told your husband you are doing this?

Why are you doing this?

I suspect it could end badly for you, flirtmacflirt, and if you truly thought it wasd innocent I suspect you wouldn't name change.

IsGraceAvailable · 22/06/2010 18:54

I'm getting the impression that what you think of as flirting is way beyond what I'd call harmless. A few giggly jokes and a bit of hair-tossing, etc, is run-of-the-mill I think. Good for everybody's ego.

But when you add in 'texting & chatting', are you talking about suggestive texts and rude talk on messenger? That's out of order. When you're getting a bit leery, you've moved away from harmless flirting and you're giving a clear come-on. That is true whether you say it in words, actions or typing.

Original poster
flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 19:03

celticfairy101 Well, I wouldn't mind him flirting with someone in a shop / restaurant / bar - a friendly fun sort of flirting..

This is a little different, in my mind anyway, as it is via txt / fb, however the conversation is completely based on our profession when initiated, it just leads in a jokey way to flirting, although quite 'strong' flirting (not dirty talk - but not something you'd say to a guy that worked behind the counter at a bank if you know what I mean)

He knows I'm married, has met my DH, knows I have children, I know his partner and have met her too - that's why I'm thinking it could all be harmless.. the reason I have doubts is because I wouldn't want DH to see the conversations and wouldn't want to see him having the same with someone (I'm wondering if our past is colouring my perception and I'm making something harmless in to something else)

OP posts:
Original poster
flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 19:05

Apologies, crossed posts with a few of you, will read back now

OP posts:
FabIsGettingFit · 22/06/2010 19:05

It is potentially very harmful if you don't want your husband to see the texts.

Original poster
flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 19:08

Apologies, crossed posts with a few of you, will read back now

OP posts:
IsGraceAvailable · 22/06/2010 19:10

I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but if you wouldn't want to DH to see ... your answer's obvious. Not harmless!

AnyFucker · 22/06/2010 19:12

what grace said

you are playing with fire, and likely to get burned

back away now...unless you want to put a rocket under your marriage, of course

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 22/06/2010 19:12

A flirtation can absolutely be harmless, but I suspect that yours doesn't fall into that category. If you wouldn't like your DH doing the same thing, and you wouldn't want him to see the conversations, then IMO you've strayed over the line.

Original poster
flirtmacflirt · 22/06/2010 19:17

You're not raining IsGraceAvailable.. I wouldn't have posted if I had no doubts

You're all right, it was the fact that I was deleting the texts that rang alarm bells for me, in that maybe it wasn't just 'fun' as I'd like it to be

It's not too bad though, it's only gotten to this stage in the past few days, I can pull back and stick to basics.. That's fine isn't it? Once I'm no longer 'hiding' it from DH?

Fab, I name changed as I didn't want anybody to recognise me IRL, I care about my real life reputation and of course my 'friend's', don't care so much about my mumsnet rep!

And yes AF, I am still smarting, I suppose that's what I really need to concentrate on getting over, rather than getting hurt / hurting anybody else

OP posts:
weegiemum · 22/06/2010 19:18

I flirt outrageously with my children's spanish tutor.

However, I knwo he is Gay, so it is fine!

AnyFucker · 22/06/2010 19:19

Good girl, flirt

Don't forget, two wrongs don't make a right, and I suspect you again would be the one to get hurt if you let this progress further

Pull back while you can still save face, love

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