he says "abort it!".

[hasna]

hi, im 8 weeks pregnant, 36 and have 5 kids. just told my new partner,25, that i am pregnant, he told me to "get rid of it". i got rid of him.... but now im a single mother again and have to suffer this pregnancy all on me own and im missing him a lot. i am wondering why he would say such a thing? is it something about me? i am a good mum. i thought he loved me....is it love when the man tells you to abort his only first baby? any comments would be appreciated. thanks.

You're 11 years older then him, and already a mum. He's so much younger, and probably scared of the responsibility of being a dad. But that's no excuse. Focus on yourself now, and not him. Do you want this baby? I, personally, could never build a future with a man who told me to abort his baby. You're a grown woman, and a mum. He's scared, but perhaps after he gets used to the idea, he'll come round. At the end of day, aborting a baby is something that haunts you for the rest of your life - (take it from one who knows) - so please don't consider this if you think that by doing it will make everything ok with him - it won't you'll resent him. Make a decision for yourself, and yourself alone. You have kids - you know how precious they are - if he loves you at all, he'll respect this. Good luck.

No its not love. You say he is your "new" partner, and you already have 5 children. I'm assuming from your new partners reaction that it was unplanned. If so, did neither of you think to use contraception.

had you been with him long before you found out you were pregnant? HE maybe wasn't ready to feel tied to you and your family but was happy to go out with you/be with you IYWIM

Why would you want a baby with a 25 year old? I am genuinely puzzled as to how you got into this situation. You are not some daft teenager.

wow extension, you're all heart

I wouldn't have any further use for a partner who said "abort it" either. Only you know whether or not there is really a relationship worth having. Your priority has to be your life and your children's lives, not his - leave him out of the decision as far as you possibly can and think of your own mental and physical health and what you feel is best for you and your family.

what?!?!? only a "daft teenager" would be pregnant by a man she is not glued to for life? Not in my world

or is it the age gap that has people squealing like Mary Whitehouse in a strip club? or the fact that OP has 5 children?

thanks to saffysmum, thats my older daughters name too. i totally agree with you. i cant build a relationship with him as i have totally gone off the fact that he wants to kill his only unborn child. im not sure whether he lied to me but in our relationship he said he wanted 3 children! i wonder if he was just playing to see if he can get a woman pregnant without taking the responsibility? i feel like a human guinea pig and a little stupid for believing him!

I don't see any squealing, Greensleeves- just a worrying naivety on the part of the OP and a rather immature attitude to the responsibilities and risks of adult sexual relationships.

can anyone highlight me.... what does OP mean? old person? portianovmerriment; sleeping with a 25 year old is a lot easier than having his baby. he had a fabulous body. honestly.

Sorry if I came across as harsh, I really didnt mean to. I just find it hard to understand why, when you have 5 children already, you would rush into having another child with someone you have said is "new". Surely you have a responsibility to your existing children to make sure you are in a solid relationship before committing to another child.

Anyway, I realise this is of no help to you. And for the moment, you are probably doing the right thing in ditching him. He could (understandably) have panicked and may well take time to think about it and come back to you. He sounds immature to be honest suggesting to you that he would like 3 children. Does he/you have any way of supporting 8 children?

original poster

They walk among us!

Hasna - if you were to stay with him, you will just resent him for saying what he said about aborting the baby - sometimes things can be "unsaid" but I think this is just too much, so like you, I feel that too much has been said for you to carry on in a relationship with him. So love, focus on what YOU want. No one should judge you for falling for this man - it's no one elses business how many kids you have, just think, right now, about what YOU want. God only knows what was in head when he said he wanted three kids - who knows? The things to focus on are you: Could you cope with another baby? Do you want another baby? Could you live with yourself if you don't continue with the pregnancy? If you feel that, at 8 weeks, a termination is something that you can cope with, then go with what is right for you, and your kids. Focus on yourself. Sorry he's reacted this way, I really feel for you.

i guess in reading all of your posts made me realise that indeed he is young and scared but it still hurts a lot that he suggested to kill it cause i didnt choose to fall in love with him.... he just reminded me of my youth i suppose. it was refreshing. he was young and free and made me smile. i suppose i can just look forward to seeing his baby....i dont hate him. i had to choose... him or the baby. i choose the baby's life. my love for him was wonderously great... that i let him go... to have his freedom.

OP means Original Poster! That's you Hasna!

saffysmum, you really are a wonderfull, kind loving person. i have to cope love, i cant take a life. but i tell ya the experience ill never forget! sleeping with a 25 year old is soooo worth it all! i throw my knickers at that. i suppose ill just laugh and giggle when i see the baby and remember the wild, wicked time we had together. As for 25 year old..... maybe god will pressure his conscious further into a nightmare. i pray. thanks love.

oh thanks for the original poster...thingy.. i thought you guys were calling me Old Person! thank god.

I agree Alouiseg

barking

Point in question. Can you afford the 5 you've got? Let alone anymore????

Alouiseg ; i can afford to look after them. their fathers support them and im a childcarer. i am quite pro-active and love children.

gosh!!!

You sound very immature for someone with 5 kids tbh. And really, if he didn't want kids, I find it very odd that he was with a mother of 5 in the first place, or that you would entertain a relationship with a person who sounds quite self centred. The next question will be met with gasps I'm sure, but are your 5 kids all with the same man? disclaimer I have 2 dc by 2 men myself, neither of whom I am now with. I ask because I have a childhood friend who has 5 children, none of whom are the product of a stable relationship, all of whose dads left when the woman got pregnant. In her case, I think the pregnancy fulfils some emotional need, and my heart breaks for the children to be honest. It is very tough to be a child of someone you know didn't want them (my own experience) and also extremely hard to deal with bringing up a child whose dad didn't want them (again, my own experience with dc2)

Their FatherS plural?

How many exactly?

fathers.... 3. first one - punched and broke my nose. second - slept with another woman whilst in a relationship with me. third - punched, kicked, beat me.... and now i have yet another child - fourth which i had to let go cause of "psycho killing comment". We are all FREE of violence and abuse. and are quite happy family - go on holidays. spain. my favourite.