To meet the Ow today and see how dowdy and older she looked !!

[maltesers]

I was quite surprised how much older than me (and the Ex is younger than me ) the OW was, and frumpy she dressed. . . it was quite a relief.. . .
Anyone relate to this experience and feel a small chuckle inside ??

I don't slag off other women persay, but inwardly it's a case of comparing and feeling better or worse about yourself. Not saying it's right, but it's natural to wonder what other women in our DH life look like.

We compare women cos it's relevant to us. i would imagine men would do the same about each other. I think the men do put each other under the microscope too, but we are not party to that thinking....

Male input please???? where was that bloke wandering about yesterday offering his male opinion on stuff????

AF - you're gorgeous. No-one's going to be looking at you and thinking "ewww".

Men don't scrutinise each other's looks because society values them for other things, like brains and character. Also, men (up to a point) get more attractive as they get older - grey hair etc. is a sign of being distinguished and successful (if combined with nice car and good suit). Lots of men start again with a new partner, e.g. both Dimblebys, John Humphries, and I think it is always at the back of their minds that they can do this.

Maybe they are competitive in terms of careers and sport, but not looks. No man is truly made insecure by a vapid male model the same way women are

Well, belle, I know that

It just doesn't sit right with me to be party to women slagging other women off

I know my DH doesn't compare himself to other men either. He is very tolerant and kind, as am I

Perhaps because I work in an area where physical perfection is kinda not the norm, I tend to count my lucky stars and not get caught up with competition

I am with af on this. I tend not to either. Actually dh's ex is probably far better looking then me but it is totally irrelevant because on a deeper level they just werent compatible. Long term it really isnt important or shouldnt be and whilst I do get comparing yourself to other people I dont get gloating about a woman who did nothing wrong to you looking awful when she is probably in an abusive relationship of sorts now. Not nice at all.

MY DH's ex before me is the total physical and mental opposite to me

Is that supposed to make me feel bad ?

She is extremely pretty in the face, dark-haired, petite, has curves, is sweet and lovely

Me, on the other hand, is ordinary in the face, mousey-haired, tall, straight up-and-down, mostly nice but sometimes a bit unlovely

I expect she compared me unfavourably when I met him (she tried to paint me as the scarlet woman for a while and slagged me all over the place...)

It did her no favours at all....

And anyway isn't it the men who are supposed to go for looks and the women who go for deeper characteristics? That's why men dont tend to worry too much about the younger competition - because wisdom and kindness and depth come with age. Pretty boys don't have it.

prettyfly1

I couldn't care less how 'overweight' she is. Let me explain. My soon to be ex has always dated thin women, and when I put on a bit of weight after three children he commented on it negatively. He even would look at 'fat' women and call them 'lard arses'. Charming. So imagine my surprise...

He has started to criticise her for putting on weight. She however deserves all she gets from him imho.

If the other half left me for a young slim fun sexy bit of fluff I would be cross, if he left me for a old and dowdy woman I would be bloody suicidal furious

I don't think you are being unreasonable to smug about her TBH

i'd be the same
better that than some skinny little minx!

Hi , I am with Maltesers on this. She isn't slagging new woman off to her face, she is merely doing it in private. It is natural to compare. I too was shocked at the dowdy appearance of my H's flirtations. They stare at me in surprise, expecting someone miserable and unattractive. I think they think he is lucky to have me, and why does he philander. I only slag them off in my head, I feel sorry for women who pursue married men. They are losers. H has made it clear he doesn't want any of them full-time. I think they massage his ego. They make him feel he is still young and attractive. I think they are really attracted to his success. Is it possible that the plainer they are the more grateful they are for male attention? The best "revenge" is to have a happy life regardless.