Dodgy looking picture on fb..

[DSM]

Yesterday, dp's ex girlfriend put some pictures on facebook of a recent night out.

There is one of dp in a slightly compromising position.

The night in question, he went out to meet a friend who was in town. He came home around 1am, and I was in bed but he came in and instantly told me he had something to tell me. He told me ex-gf was there, he didn't know she would be going.

He said she was with her new partner, and that they exchanged pleasantries but hardly spoke.

Now, a photo has been added of him with the ex's friend lying with her head on his knees, and they appear to be holding hands

I feel a bit sick. Don't know what to do, is probably innocent, though he'll obvioulsy say it is either way.

I also see, from a quick history check on pc, that he looked at this girls facebook page just a few days ago.

Should add - he is away for the weekend and won't be home til late tomorrow evening. He will likely phone me this evening, but I don't know whether to mention it or not. Don't want to end up arguing, nor can we discuss it properly, he's with members of my family (my dad, uncle and BIL) and would be embarrassing fir us both for them to know.

could he have been panicking and checking the FB page to see if the pic was up?

i would ask him what was going on. you will know by his response whether he is being honest or not.

sorry, should say, i would ask him face to face not over the phone.

It does sound suspicious but i would wait till he comes home and discuss it then , not over the phone.

Photographs can be very misleading. Please don't stress just on the basis of this

Is the ex gf a troublemaker? Why would she put photos up which would appear to incriminate him?

Possibly.. Doubt it though, the night was a couple of months ago so just coincidence that he checked her page a few days before a picture went up.

I don't know... I don't think anything 'happened', but it's just that, well it's a photo of my dp holding another womans hand. It's not making me feel good.

I'm just going to ask him to detag himself so it's gone from his page.

And ask him what was going on.

While he is away assume that he has behaved inappropriately and think about how you want to progress.

Your dp has done better than some men by admitting to her being there. Only you will kmow if he was doing that in the hope of heading off any hassle as I assume he wasn't expecting you to see the photos.

I think something happened, and he started to tell you but bottled it. Sorry.

Secunda - that's what I'm hoping.. She is lying with her head on his knee, and they appear to be holding hands. At least, their hands are touching.

But, I guess it could have been some messing about which lasted just a few seconds. Not necessarily sitting like that for any length of time.

There is another chap sitting there too, in front of dp (you can't actually see dp's face in the photo) so it does look like they were all messing about.

But he told me they barely spoke.

Abbie - why do you think that?

The girl in the picture is NOT ex, by the way. It's ex's friend.

Oh right, it wasn't clear in the OP that it was a friend when you are reading it quickly. That does change things rather Maybe it is the friend you need to be concerned about.

You don't start by saying 'I have something to tell you.' if there's nothing to tell. 'My ex was there, I hardly spoke to her' does not warrant 'I have something to tell you'.

I don't really know why people are hyping this up. Why assume he has 'behaved inappropriately'? I lark around with friends on nights out when I'm a bit pissed, put my arms around them, put my head next to theirs, pull faces at them. It doesn't MEAN anything. I don't see how a complete stranger reading a brief account over the internet can say 'I think something happened' or assume he did something wrong. It's just a frickin' photograph.

I can understand why you don't like it, no one wants to see a pic of their DP holding hands with someone else even if it means nothing. But don't work yourself up over it, just mention it to him later. I'm sure he'll put your mind at rest

Tbh, yes it does.

He went out with some male friends, and his ex turned up (invited by one of the men whom is still friends with her, they are in a sailing club together)

I think that spending a night with an ex in company warrants a 'i have something to tell you'.

Agree with secunda. Not only does this sort of thing happen all the time, there are lots of women who plaster themselves all over any spare males once they've had a few too many. Half the time, you can't shove 'em off without causing ructions.

He was home at 1 o'clock, which is about the right time. He told you straight away about the ex, which was the correct action. Forget about it - and, yes, ask him to de-tag. You can always ask him to block her, as well, though that seems fairly pointless to me.

Why is a casual meeting with his ex-girlfriend in which they only exchanged pleasantries enough to wake you up to "confess"?

Surely he would just have mentioned it in passing the next day if it honestly wasn't a big deal. Could he have had a guilty concience about something else?

He told you he saw the ex so that you wouldn't feel deceived if you found out about it later. If you go ape at him about this, you take the risk that next time he might not tell you things for fear you'll kick off.

He didn't wake me up to confess, he came in and I woke, and we had a little kiss, a standard 'did you have a good night' chat in which he said 'i have something to tell you... Ex was there'.

well there you go

lucky - because he was pissed and doing the right thing, but in a slightly pissed way?
[rolleyes]

I don't think this is anything to worry about at all.

DP is friends on fb with a few of his ex's friends so can prob access some photos, I'm sure he's nosed at their pages a few times.
Doesn't mean anything - he' my DP, we've been together 6 years and have a child.

However, if your relationship is less stable and there has been anything to concern you in the past, then I can understand why the niggles of doubt are there. Just ask him.

DSM - Is this the ex that your DP was communicating with on FB before? Sorry, but I think trust is a major issue for you and I think it's your DP's fault that it has been compromised. But I sensed last time that you so didn't want to believe there was anything dodgy that you got quite defensive about our warnings. I'm genuinely sorry that this has raised its head again.

No, no completely different ex.

I don't mean to get defensive, I'm aware I did that last time. A combo of the fact I do that anyway, and the frustration at certain posters jumping to irrational conclusions.