Dh takes too long to... ahem ...*finish* - what can I do?!

[chrissiejames]

I no longer enjoy sex, part of the problem is, I think, that dh takes too long to finish. This has always been a feature, which in the early days was quite nice pre-kids when long sessions were great, now I have to say, I would much prefer a quickie.

Except that I never do actually say this to him cos I don't want to put additional pressure on him and make him get stressed and take even longer. I don't think he tries to take ages, it seems more like he is straining to make it happen (?!).

Anyone else have this problem? Or maybe it's my problem, and I should just enjoy the minimum half hour "quickie" (more usually heading on for an hour) when I just feel sore and wish it would end.

And yes I do try to hurry it up, with hands, mouth, whatever else, but it just doesn't seem to help.

If he has had more than a glass of wine, he sometimes doesn't finish at all, so best avoided (I pretend to be asleep)

Will I make things worse by talking to him about this? And will it get worse as he gets older - he is 43 now.

Thanks!

Sympathies - due to medication we have the same issue. The biggest plus for me was that since I never have an orgasm during sex, it makes us a bit more equal IYSWIM and I'm more likely to think about my own pleasure rather than 'eyes on the prize' as it were.

Focus on having the most fun you can have, then when you've had enough, stop. Why not? all ther partners I've ever had did exactly that.... Offer him more of something else, then let HIM raise the issue if it's a problem for him.

Finish him off with a slipery hand. Use a vibrator (in other hand) at the same time held on the ridgey bit . It can be more intense sensations.Plus chatting dirty also helps.

Excellent suggestions here

I have to say though, if it were me (and this is going to sound terrible) once it started heading into the boredom/soreness/miserable bit, I'd tell him and suggest that he finished himself off.

The thing is that while the OP is shying away from talking to him about it in case it exacerbates his problem, by not talking about it she is exacerbating her problem. And the longer this goes on, the less she's going to feel like sex in teh first place.

I have a friend whos DH is like this, I don't know if they're ever discussed it, but I do know that she sees sex as a chore and tries to avoid it if poss. Like the OP, it was great when they were first together, but years down teh line it's just tiresome.

I know that if it were my DH he would me mortified to think that he was hammering away and I was bored/had enough/experiencing discomfort etc.

I think you should talk about it and try to find a solution together (wihch will be fun ).

personally I find it hard to believe that he is having much fun, really, if he is pumping away for more than half an hour without getting there.

He could be on some male enhancements? I have that problem from taking herbal viagra - its like there's cement in there and is sometimes impossible to finish. The next morning its still in your system but you should be able to finish much quicker.

Do you do much in the way of foreplay?

As a bloke I find that once we've done half an hour of foreplay, satisfaction is never long away afterward (not that I have huge 'staying power' without!!!).

Maybe concentrate on that then he'll definately finish sooner!

Do you do much in the way of foreplay?

As a bloke I find that once we've done half an hour of foreplay, satisfaction is never long away afterward (not that I have huge 'staying power' without!!!).

Maybe concentrate on that then he'll definately finish sooner!