Is this just hopeless?

[thisisnogood]

Hopeless and stupid situation. Got chatting to a guy online (God I know I know - so stupid). Fast forward 6 weeks and I know it is so stupid but I cannot stop thinking about him. The contact escalated from emails to chatting in real time online, texts and calls. We met up for a coffee - during the working day - nothing sordid and I just have the strangest sense that I have come home.

It is hopeless - I am married, he is married.

Never in my life has somebody else had this effect on me. I feel sick with ....well I suspect if I wasn't married and he wasn't married, I'd say love. I know that I need to stop this but I cannot bear the thought of never seeing him again. We have talked about how we keep things on a friendship basis and agreed that is the only way to stay in touch.

I haven't told my husband about him but I want to, in order to keep it above board. Strangely I suspect that they would get on.

Has anybody else made something like this work.

I don't know how much longer I can bear the way things are. Every time we talk it descends into crying and shouting. And I know the emasculation thing but I always said I just wanted to be part of a team and share the burdens. I was never looking for a knight in shing armour but I didn't want to carry the can for everything all of the time. I haven't ever felt looked after by him. He never tells me that things will be ok and I do crave that.

You are living with a wanker who may or may not have MH issues but has cottoned on to an easy ride of having you take care of him, support him financially, cook his dinner, wash his pants etc in return for being whined at or ignored. It's no wonder you are going to 'fall in love' with the first person to give you a smile who isn't a malodorous tramp with no teeth.

This online superman may be 14 years old - or 94. Or a woman. He/she/it is fairly irrelevant. This is a wakeup call to the fact that you have been caring for someone who gives you nothign back, for too long, and you need to sort that situation out first.

I'm so sorry that you are having problems with your DH.

It's great that you have met someone who seems to be everything you want and he is so lovely but do you REALLY know him?

Men DO have ulterior motives and if you are vulnerable its all to easy to fall for the first person who flatters you and connects with you without finding out if it's what you really want.

I'm not saying you should doubt him or test him, but DO get to know him better before you do, or think of doing anything. It might be all his talk of being friends is a cover and he is really looking for something more.

How would you feel if he used you and dumped you? Do you really want to be with someone much older than you?

How do you know he's not going to give you hell the first time you irritate him?

Keep him as a friend, sort out your relationship problems and I'm sure he will show his true colours in time.

beingsetup the strange thing is I do feel as though I know him but granted I haven't had the opportunity to see how he relates to others, see him in different scenarios etc.

We have continued to talk and in fact addressed some horrible matters - each admitting to mistakes we made in our lives. And in fact both crying at the mess we have each made in different ways. I've never been able to be honest in this way before.

We've talked about bringing the friendship into the open - he doesn't think it's tenable - at least on his side. And I admire the honesty with which he talked me through that.

He knows I am on the verge of stepping back if I can't find a way to keep the connection going withut hurting anyone else. He says he will not stand in my way but be there in the background if I change my mind.

I do trust him. He is honest. His kids will always come first and he doesn't flinch in anyway from stating that up front. He is a GP and a very warm and caring one at that.