limerence

[coolpersephone]

hi there
has anyone suffered from limerence before...its like a long infatuation but very intense.
In my case it's cos my lo is married.

Oh my, what a good word. Limerence.

it's so weedy and full of longing isn't it?

You make it sound like an affliction

What are you going to do about this limerent condition of yours then?

lo ?

I am going to wait for it to go

limerent object

I expect most of us have at one time or another. Usually called a crush. Can be very painful.

Yup.

It eases. You get over it.

limerent object?

I thought it would be loved one

I expect you have to sit it out, don't you? Take a lot of exercise or something

isn't it just a crush, given a fancy name to make it sound less teenagerish?

Sit it out, it will pass.

Limerence is described in I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You.

It is meant to be that first oh wow rush phase of a relationship iyswim.

So yes, it is a crush, but the term is for that whole feeling, so first love etc as well as "just" a crush

Get a grip! Switch it off. Simples.

This is a very helpful book which talks about 'limerance' ie obsessive, acute longing, blissful attraction and excitement (aka falling in love).
It can be compared with the 'rush' an addict experiences when the drug hits their bloodstream. Limerance can contribute to an idealised illusion of the loved person.
Recommended:
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person (When and Why Love Doesn't Work
by Howard M. Halpern. From Amazon.

What a great word!

Sorry for your unrequitedness, OP, but thank you for the vocab enhancement. Looks like you're in for a period of fierce self-distraction until it wears off ... oh god, I was in love with George Harrison for about 18 months!! Hope yours goes away faster.

simples!

limerence was described by Dorothy Tennov [a psychologist] in 1979

This is the third time this has happened to me..[over thirty years mind] maybe other people nip it in the bud quickly while I've let it get a grip of me.

I love this word and description..

you see I really do feel strongly abut this man..and he feels the same for me I think

Whilst there is still a significant other for either of you, back off.

I'm afraid you'd be better off reframing it as a crush, CP. At least the word 'crush' carries its temporary quality with it. You have a crush like you have acne - excruciatingly painful and overwhelming, but you know it will clear up (and leave no scars if you don't pick at it!) Whereas you've chosen to use a word we've all found terribly romantic and special.

So I'm sorry, babes. It's not something that sounds like "glimmering luminescence". It's a crush.

I sympathise, but don't pick. it'll be over soonish.

Takes a while but it does wear off.

I take it you're not in a relationship at the moment, coolpersephone?

I found that my crush went away when I had a bloke of my own to concentrate on. I still retain residual affection for the crushee but nothing like the feelings I used to have.

a crush is usually not based on much knowledge of the person or an actual relationship with the crushee ~ limerence is attraction and adoration of a friend who is for some reason unavailable and the whole thing gets stuck at that stage

also a crush usually shorter and less intense

ah in that case I had the limerence thingy then. Still went away when I met someone else.

I've had them on colleagues from time to time. I called them crushes: that way I could giggle about them, enjoy the motivation they gave me to smarten up for work and act something like a ditzy schoolgirl around them when drunk

Aggrandizing it with a special word is a self-indulgence too far, I suspect. Tennov, I gather, was investing the psychological states of "being in lurve". Wikipedia says of limerence: "The concept is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love." So you're suffering a concept ...

I have a word like this. I used to live in Brazil, where the Portuguese word saudades is often used. They have a different expression for "missing"; saudades is something more intense, romantic, longing. When I'm really feeling 'saudades', I call it missing. Semantics do help, sometimes.

well exactly,the limerence word is basically about a more intense longing that doesn't go away and causes pain...call it saudades if you prefer,but it's not really fun like a crush you can giggle about,which is more optional and light hearted

if you were feeling saudades and I said you were self indulgent or had a crush would that be interpreting your feelings correctly?

jees, i think i have a bit of the old limerence... lovely!

it can be lovely but not for long