limerence

[coolpersephone]

hi there
has anyone suffered from limerence before...its like a long infatuation but very intense.
In my case it's cos my lo is married.

Oh, CP, I would thank you for it! Because ... it's real, all right; I'm not trying to belittle your feeling. But, if the object of our painful desire is unavailable, then I'd prefer to be reminded that I may choose to diminish it somewhat.

I was never happier than in Brazil and, appropriately, I often feel saudades for it. It's far more than just wishing I could go back. But I can't. Were you to remind me I may call it missing instead, it would help me to get on with being where I am, now - while still cherishing my knowledge of places that are still there, without me in them. But that's just me.

I was only offering another viewpoint. Not deliberately trashing yours.

there is an element of not allowing your feelings to run away with themselves..it just seems with this from when it began it's been really hard to forget and carry on as normal,it's not like a nice feeling you can enjoy

The whole lot is basically very similar to a category of recreational drugs. YOu can binge and suffer the hangover, or develop a maintainable habit. Or indeed abstain altogether.
But it's not an outside irresistible force. No one does it to you. You can choose to take it seriously, or not at all. because above all, it's transitory.

I get your drift SGB and I am trying to fight it.
It is an obsessional type of thing really where you find it hard to let go.
Apparently some people never get this even in the first stage of a love affair,so they wouldn't begin to understand it because they have a more affectional type bond with theirpartners,or friendship and sex as opposed to the "in love" rush of feelings

Can we call it 'courtly love'? That was full of pain and longing, and sounds even more romantic than limerence

I think you need to ride around on a charger, play the lute, write poetry, engage in heroic deeds in honour of your limerent object and weep copious amounts. Then die in the course of some noble deed.

Isn't that how it works?

Picture his wife ripping your head off if she found out, which is what I would do if you were writing about my DH in this way.

That should take the shine off it a bit.

such violence malificence,just for wistful longing with no action?
Surely you would be flattered mr mal was so sought after
has no one ever fancied him or do you rip a lot of heads off generally

violet yes I will just go straight into a thomas hardy novel/convent and live there for the rest of my life,that should fix it nicely[sounds good actually]

I find it incredibly creepy and inapropriate that you are obsessing over someone else's husband.

It's not in the least bit flattering to have someone else try and seduce your husband, thankfully my DH thought she was as sad and pathetic as I did.

He's not yours to lust after, do you know his wife?

Too many bloody trolls today, it's half term.

revolting thread, OP.

and yes I too obsess over unavailable people sometimes, but I don't try and glamourise it iyswim.

It's difficult but it isn't something anyone else can help you with. You just need to get away from them and it will go away.

how can it be creepy ?

let alone "incredibly creepy"

now threats of violence,that's creepy

and sad

Malificence FFS get over yourself. YOu're not a very goodadvert for monogamism when you start threatening to kill people for stuff that has absolutely fuck all to do with you and your tediously wonderful relationship (that may or may not exist anyway)/

Yes, simples. Really! You can exert self control (get a grip) or be eaten by your emotions.

You say he feels the same. Is this part of your extreme fantasising or has something been said or done? If so, you are at risk of this moving into reality which, by the sound of it, would be a shitty and highly selfish thing to allow to happen.

first time I have ever agreed with you SGB .

cool do you just want to talk about it on this thread or where you looking for help?

last time I checked,men,like women, were adults ~ not children being spoonfed by their bully beef wives.

crikey these are the girls I did NOT choose to be friends with at school.They were the ones after the boys who had no female friends.

SGB thankyou for that

OMDB
I want help,as it's highly unlikely he will suddenly be divorced by his wife and turn up spontaneously free and single.

I have to give up all hope and have NC

CP: Basically these feelings will go away, in time. There is a school of thought that suggests that when you yearn over someone unavailable what you are really longing for is some part of yourself that you have neglected - do you want to have a think about that?

Otherwise, you could try creating for yourself a mental picture of Mr Nothappening with unwashed hair and a big zit, sat on the bog, picking his nose, shitty greying nylon pants round his ankles and farting like a brewery horse.

SGB, can you SEE me now??!!!

CP, although it's part of your delusive condition to believe nobody has ever felt this way - we have. You are getting sympathy here ... but not indulgence! It passes. Really, it does.

Also, it's now been proven, with brain scans & all, that the state of In Love is indistinguishable from many mental illnesses (quite severe ones, at that). This forum is highly sympathetic to posters with mental illness - as it is to you.

The difference between say, schizophrenia and your limerence is that you don't require treatment with hefty pharmaceuticals. You can just decide to get over it, by following all the advice on the last two pages.

It'll hurt, but not for long. A person renouncing limerence should always get a new hairstyle, rapidly followed by several new outfits and a New Hobby.

Good luck!

I do think there is something "missing" in me that makes me think I need this person.

And very stubborn that can't give up.

I can be mildly obsessional and I think that is the bottom line..I have had mild ocd traits before[not the actual illness,just character traits/habits on that spectrum]

x posts lol

You'll cope. xx

Cool - you still haven't said whether or not you are in a relationship yourself - are you? If so, is it a happy one? Because if you are not in a relationship then this fixation is likely to go away if you find an available man to have a relationship; if you are in an unhappy relationship you are probably doing a "grass is greener" thing as well.

You "think" he feels similar to you - has he said so? Or is he just being kind to you? The latter is quite possible you know - my "object" (as you put it) was very kind to me whilst still making it clear that nothing was ever going to happen. And he wasn't even in a longterm relationship at the time!