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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

would you be tempted to confront an ex

30 replies

kittya · 31/05/2010 23:24

If you knew he was in your town on business and was staying about a ten minute walk away? Even if it was a year ago that he rang you and changed his number the very next day? would you be tempted to go to the pub and calmly give him a piece of your mind or, would you rise above it and walk home from work a different way?!!!

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 31/05/2010 23:30

A year ago? Don't go there! Keep on walking away.

sundew · 31/05/2010 23:32

keep on walking - don't go there!

arsesandoldlace · 31/05/2010 23:33

pfft not a chance.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/05/2010 23:38

I'd go to the pub looking fabulous, with a gorgeous man to gaze adoringly at me. And I wouldn't notice the ex.

Original poster

kittya · 31/05/2010 23:42

Its only a local old mans pub. He has a dependancy for the sauce when he is away on "business" chances are he will have a female companion with him. I couldnt even rope a gay best friend into pretending, Im afraid!! This is the same one who rang me, changed his number and swanned off to the other side of the world to meet another woman. I look completely different now. Of course Ive moved on but I would just like to order a g and t and then sit down opposite him/them just to see his face. I know its not worth it. I know that!!

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 31/05/2010 23:52

But you'd be letting him know that you haven't moved on by wanting to see him!! Would you honestly just order a drink, look fabulous, and not want to start a conversation? Honestly??

LittleMissHissyFit · 31/05/2010 23:56

don't be daft! Don't give him the satisfaction!

Why the hell do you still care what that twat thinks?

He obviously doesn't think highly of you, so don't give him the satisfaction of thinking for a second that you're still hankering after him.

'Of course i've moved on'...

It'll make you look very sad and silly, and you don't deserve that.

Original poster

kittya · 31/05/2010 23:58

You are right. Id just be punishing myself really. Bloody cheek, on my own doorstep. In MY local (even though I dont drink there!!). I will just have to take the long walk home. God, right on my sodding doorstep.

OP posts:

Monty100 · 31/05/2010 23:58

Kittya - presumably you didn't do it. Hope you managed to rise above it.

I would have given it deep contemplation myself, but probably would have seen sense in the end.

Not worth making him think you even cared enough to do that. No, fuck him, life's too short.

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:00

And, I will just look like a nutter. An attractive one but, a nutter all the same!

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:04

Its crap but you'd feel worse if you confronted him and it didn't go the way you had imagined it would.

Don't let him know that you're still hurting - he's not worth it.

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:07

oh, I know. Hes very shouty when he's guilty. I couldnt put myself in the position of getting barred from my local!!

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:15

Don't then!
If he knows you stay local, and haven't put in an appearence at the pub, let him draw his own conclusions about the extremely handsome man you might be out with that night!

You're having a great time, right!?

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:18

Yes, I am!! just wish I wasnt sodding single, I think thats what it is really. Middle of the week, beautiful weather, drink on the way home from work in the beer garden, with someone that used to be good fun (the drinkers always are, at first) and then a polite goodbye. Except it wouldnt end like that would it??? of course it would end in a slagging match. I do miss not him but the Summer nights sat outside.

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:27

It probably would end up ugly so don't do that to yourself.

And its maybe not him that you miss so much, just the fun times? Find another pub, one with a better beer garden and more fit men!

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:30

I will put myself down to do overtime at work. I always hide in my work. Not good when you are single. Its not him, its just this time of the year when I miss him. We did have some fun, until I found out what a sleeparound he is. And that was after. Well, changing his number 3 times a year sums him up. Very charming though.

OP posts:

NickOfTime · 01/06/2010 00:35

lol, i did try and turn up once in similar circs - i had actually walked into a bar not knowing the ex was there, turned around and walked straight out. then summoned up my courage and went back ready for a barney, and he'd gone. i spent half an hour trying to find him, only to be met by a friend of his who said he'd gone as he really didn't want a scene. turns out his latest squeeze was about to give birth in days and she was with him.

not the same woman he'd emptied our joint account to buy an engagement ring, either...

i think i'm glad i didn't find him when i went back tbh. (and i'm blardy sure he is).

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:36

He sounds like a shit. I hope you're ok Kittya.

To be honest it doesn't sound like you're over him yet.

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:40

I just need to meet someone tbh. And, he never drinks alone so I would be walking into something I would be prepared for but he wouldnt and it will just be him telling me I was stalking him or something to that affect. Even though it is my homeground! I guess if I hadnt have known he was coming I may have bumped into him anyway but I do so I have the choice, and its plain I should do nothing about it. Its the bloody weather I tell you!! it always makes me come over all nostalgic.

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:41

Posted before I'd finished: So don't try to confront him - as it's most likely that you'll be the one who gets upset.

Monty100 · 01/06/2010 00:43

Kittya - You'll feel so much better congratulating yourself for not having done it, than for having done it.

Summer's in the air. You don't know what's round the corner.

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:45

Yep, you are right. I just want to say why change your number after telling me I was your world?? he probably wouldnt remember doing that anyway!! urgh, its not getting my piece accross it still gets to me!! I enjoy my single life, dont get me wrong its just sometimes I wish the company.

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:48

He would probably try to make out you are just a hysterical ex, esp if he was drinking in company.

Please just stay away. I think you'll feel better about yourself if you do.
(I don't think he's on a forum right now wondering what to do about going back to your local?)

And it is the weather! Sun goes to my head too!

Original poster

kittya · 01/06/2010 00:52

If he had any sense he would be avoiding going at all costs!! Of course he will make me out to be a nutcase? just like he told me he had some psycho harrassing him when his mobile kept on ringing!! or, that he had to take a call cos his mother was on the phone. At 2am!! I will just be playing into his hands if I turn up. I know the answer. Thanks for confirming!!

OP posts:

tallulabell74 · 01/06/2010 00:57

You always knew the answer! Be good to yourself and enjoy the summer

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