Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A minor problem in the bedroom.

36 replies

Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:17

Its not a huge problem but its sometting that plays on my mind and I'm a bit embarressed about asking but I can't bring it up with anyone in real life!

My husband is an excellent lover, he is really atentive and always eager to please me but sometimes I feel lik I'd rather just have a 'quickie'.

The problem is he doesn't come for ages, its not really a medical thing, (although he is on tablets that can make it difficult to orgasm, but he's been on them years and seems fine, he can come he just likes to have a long time together) he just likes long sessions, changing positions and activities but I'm quite like a bloke in that when I'm done, then I'm done.

So if he is going down on me I can't help but come, but then I have to carry on for another 40 mins and hour when I really don't feel like it.

But its unfair to go, "right I'm finished, tough luck matey." to him!

The only alternative I can think of is trying not to come until I know hes close but thats not to fun either

Does anyone else have this problem?

OP posts:
woodchuck · 31/05/2010 19:23

Yes! Are you married to my husband?!

I often end up feeling really dissatisfied after sex, because it has gone on for an hour longer than I needed. Then I think he feels bad that I am feeling like a 'martyr' in the bedroom.

We get around this to an extent by having more petting/oral sex rather than having full sex every time.

Its still not ideal though, but I can't help thinking I would be moaning more if the opposite was true, if he was inconsiderate and/or orgasmed before I was warmed up every time.

PortiaNovmerriment · 31/05/2010 19:25

Yeah, sometimes. I bet someone somewhere is playing the world's tiniest violin for us too...

CrankyTwanky · 31/05/2010 19:26

Have you told him?

SingingTunelessly · 31/05/2010 19:26

So boring isn't it. Not sure what you can tbh apart from tell him? It's yawnsville I agree.

Original poster
Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:29

Glad t know its not ju me.

I feel bad about complaining, because everytime we have sex it is really, really good! But I wish he would just come about 50% quicker,

its not even like he needs the build up, its like he wants to make sure I'm 'sorted' at least once before we both climax together but I can't always have the enthusiasm after mine to go on like before!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:31

Singing, I'm not bored! Its more like I'm exhausted, and got that after sex tiredness, and want to have a cuddle and a snog but instead I kow h hasn't come yet so we go again,

but sometimes I can get shakey and a bit lighthaded and it can also get a little sore too

OP posts:
Original poster
Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:33

No cranky, I can't bear to.

Its because he has always been so attentive and giving in the bedroom, I couldn't bear to say its too much or anything like that.

How can you complain about that? I don't want him to get a hang up over it either as its not a problem really, much.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 31/05/2010 19:34

Actually I disagree, trying not to come until he does can be fun, you just tell him (during oral etc) when you're getting close, and get him to stop for a while or switch to something less stimulating for a bit. The more you put it off the more intense it will be when it happens. (You need to talk to him about this beforehand though - it might be a bit offputting if you suddenly say "Stop, I'm going to come" without explanation!)

40 mins isn't too long to put it off for - can you get him really worked up beforehand, oral sex, handjobs etc, so stimulating him but not yourself, so he's closer to the point when you start.

woodchuck · 31/05/2010 19:36

It just doesn't feel as "satisfying" when you have been waiting for it to finish for an hour, I know!

I am often sore from friction for a day or so afterwards too. is this something that has increased as your dh has got older?

My dh is only 31 and used to be dione in a reasonable 15-20 minutes and ready for another go after 10 minutes more!

nagoo · 31/05/2010 19:38

Have same thing in our house. TMI but if we do it somewhere not bed, he tends to hurry up a bit

Original poster
Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:39

Hes only 24 woodchuck! So not really, hes always been like this, but I think now we have 3 kids its harder for me altleast, to hve tse mrathons.

It wasn't a problem pre kids, we could go for days!

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 31/05/2010 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/05/2010 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:49

But its not easy to feel finished and not want to continue having sex but feel obliged to so not to disapoint your husband who is trying to give you a great time!

How cruel would it be to just say 'stop, I'm done' but the alternative its to be doing something you aren't really into.

OP posts:
Malificence · 31/05/2010 19:52

Is there a particular position that you know finishes him off faster?

If I'm done I just ask DH to turn me over ( onto my knees ) and he knows it's time to finish. A strong orgasm will often start him off though.

You can be honest with him without being hurtful - explain that it can get a bit uncomfortable for you if it goes on too long, he'll understand.

Eurostar · 31/05/2010 19:53

I think a lot of men just can't understand that, when a woman has a strong orgasm, they get the equivalent of a bloke's sensitive cock after ejaculation (try carrying on with a handjob on a man who has just come for instance and they'll soon tell you to leave off). The clit gets as sensitive as a post ejaculation penis and the muscles in the vagina tense up. It's worth kindly explaining this to them and that they don't need to be always after the what they perceive to be the holy grail of multiple orgasm.

Original poster
Blushingonamonday · 31/05/2010 19:57

Same here Mal

Its just if we have been going in another position and I come then it can be a PITA to have to turn over and start again because that position is great (my fave) but not after just coming as it makes everything 10x more sensitive, lol. But at least I know it won't be long doing it that way!

Theres no answer I know that, I should just relax and enjoy it

and like people have said its bloody good sex and I shouldn't complain

OP posts:
EricNorthmansmistress · 31/05/2010 20:00

When I have come, I just kind of go floppy and satisfied and it is very clear to DH that he has to 'get on with it' at that point! Sometimes I flip over onto my front and he finishes quickly. I would not be up for marathon position switching after I have come. Thankfully DH understands that without me telling him. Maybe you need to put it in terms of 'too sensitive to carry on' or something.

jamaisjedors · 31/05/2010 20:04

Have you tried playing with both his nipples or putting a finger in (ahem) another hole?

This in missionary will do the trick in about a minute ime !

Malificence · 31/05/2010 20:13

JJ , That doesn't work on DH but it does with me.

Blushing, I'm sure he would be mortified if he knew you were feeling like this, just tell him gently that you don't need that level of stimulation, alternatively make it a bit kinky, tell him you want him to "come for you" in a dominant type way.

whattothinkaboutthis · 31/05/2010 20:20

sorry to be crude - but would a cock ring help? I had a DP like this and it helped no end!

Malificence · 31/05/2010 20:27

Cock rings are designed to make a man last longer !

BertieBotts · 31/05/2010 20:50

Maybe you could try to train him into cumming when you want him to - like a conditioned response. So every time he comes you start nibbling his ear or something. After a while his body might come to associate this with cumming and then when you are getting a bit fed up you could do it and it might set him off?

whattothinkaboutthis · 31/05/2010 20:52

yeh but if you get a vibrating one at least there is some enjoyment for the woman?!

CrankyTwanky · 31/05/2010 20:52

I have just satisfied myself on dh then hopped off and gone to work leaving him , but he'll be thinking about it until you next do it, when he'll last minutes.

Try mal's dominant approach. shout "oi, mrMonday, fuck me ,HARD,NOW!" occasionaly.
Maybe work a quickie into your repetoir.

like nagoo says, if you do it somewhere norty when the kids are in bed he may be compelled to hurry up.