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Original poster

Is this a complete no no?

47 replies

nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:02

Me and this person who I was absolutely besotted with had a bit of thing (was never official so not a relationship) last year which lasted about 3 months.

The thing is his identical twin brother has asked me to go on a date with him. We've done it a bit back to front because in September we had a drunken kis and in October a drunken one night stand (which he was a bit of a cock about after).

A few weeks ago we bumped into each other at the pub and it was obvious he was trying really hard to chat me up. We ended up having a kiss but I thought he was just trying to get his leg over and didn't think anything of it.

Since then we've chatted on facebook and he asked for my number. I said I would take his instead, but didn't use it for a couple of weeks and I text him Friday night. He said he'd been waiting for my call but I just laughed and said I don't think players like you wait for anyone's call. He got quite annoyed I thought he was a player and claimed to be a gentleman. I said people can act like a gentleman to get their own way with women, but they'll never be true gentlemen.

I said if I was going to call him I'd better stock up on vodka referring to our past nights when we'd always been drunk. He replied with no I think you should do it sober. On second thoughts let me take you out to dinner as well.

Now up to now I've thought he's just trying to sleep with me again. Last night we bumped into eachother and he said I'm not coming on to you but come back to mine for a drink so I did but said I hope you know I'm not a sure thing, to which he replied I hope you know I'm not. We had a really nice time but it didn't go further than a bit of kissing and slight groping.

Now he wants to take me out to dinner. If he was just after one thing he's going to a lot of effort. If I wasn't purposely trying to not sleep with him too quickly (from past experience have lost guys when I've done that) then to be honest he could ring me up when I'd had a few and it'd be easy to get me to agree. So surely he wouldn't make it such a challenge if he was just after sex?

He text me yesterday after I got home and then I forgot to reply to one of his messages. 9pm last night I had one of those just looking for an excuse to text you messages saying Up to much? I replied not really I'm at work and he said he was out with friends.

He has told me I'm not like normal girls. When I said why he said cos you play games and most girls don't. Not really sure what he means by that.

Sorry for my rambling but I just can't get my head around this!

OP posts:
HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 19:06

Nononono.
Don't go there. He deffo just wants a shag, and to have what his brother has had. Yuck. Going back to his house does give off the wrong signal I'm afraid

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:12

See that's what I think Hurley but I can't understand why he wants to make it a lot harder for himself when in all reality he knows I'd go there if I fancied a shag one night after I'd been out. Also he seems to be doing a lot of chasing. Most men I know who just want a shag don't do any chasing. They don't text, they don't call, in fact they don't contact you unless they want a shag.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 31/05/2010 19:15

Does "you play games" mean anything like "Me & my bro like to dick around with women, confusing them and so forth ... we like you, coz we've both had you and you're still speaking to us"
do you think?

FakePlasticTrees · 31/05/2010 19:16

OP - "Most men I know who just want a shag don't do any chasing" - actually, a challenge is sometimes very tempting to blokes - especially if they aren't all that interested so they don't have to worry about getting it wrong with someone they see a future with.

Twin brothers, just wrong. Walk away love.

HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 19:17

But why would you go there??
Do you really want that kind of reputation? He and his brother will be laughing about this for years to come if you actually end up in bed with him. Think about it this way- would you go with your sisters ex? Actively persue him? So dysfunctional

TubbyDuffs · 31/05/2010 19:17

I'm not sure how he's making it a lot harder for himself to be honest; not much of an effort to take someone out for a meal and text her now and again?

Am I missing something?

But no wouldn't shag him if I'd had a relationship with his brother (and even if you didn't announce it to the world, it was a relationship).

BertieBotts · 31/05/2010 19:18

If he liked you, why would he like it that you were "playing games" - wouldn't that scare him off?

Maybe he likes the thrill of the chase?

HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 19:18

I hate to say it, as I really do believe a young single woman can do what she wants, but really, your post seems to be screaming at me that you have low self esteem and a very shaky sense of self respect I can't believe that you are flattered by this attention

PortiaNovmerriment · 31/05/2010 19:18

I would go for it. You can get about £300 when you sell it to Pick Me Up, iirc.

LoveBeing34 · 31/05/2010 19:22

So you've slept with both of them neither was a relationship and now twin 2 has asked you out to dinner you think he may be serious about you? Does he know you've slept wth his brother?

Must admit it does sound wrong on so many levels. Why would a nice boy, after a nice girl tell her she's the one cause she plays games?

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:34

His brother doesn't know so I know they haven't been laughing about it behind my back or anything. Me and his brother are quite close still and he has supported me through some pretty shit times over the last few months. He knows this so I don't think he would set out to mess me about TBH and his brother would be very pissed off if he did.

However in the back of my mind something is screaming there's something not quite right here.

Bertie I don't know. My male friends all say they hate it when girls are really clingy, constantly texting and phoning etc and that it's a massive alarm bell to walk away.

OP posts:
HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 19:35

Trust me, his brother knows

HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 19:36

And tbh, even if he didn't, it's still yuck, and you are still being taken advantage of. You had a one night stand and he was a cock afterwards. Why go back for more of the same?

HerHonesty · 31/05/2010 19:40

he sounds like a twat. best walking away.

katycarr · 31/05/2010 19:42

I actually don't think taking someone out for a meal is a lot to trouble for a "shag"

If most of the men you know just want a shag maybe you need to broaden your search.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:46

Well if I go what's a couple of hours out of my life? I am very aware that he is probably after one thing so I will be making damn sure he doesn't get it. I'm not going to invest much into it because I really don't trust him. That's why I'm being so cautious. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know what he is potentially up to so he won't be getting one over on me. Maybe I should go, enjoy the food and the company because at the end of the day we get on well and then say thanks but no thanks to anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:49

katycarr I agree, but I have explicitly told him if I do go out for dinner with him I will NOT be sleeping with him. I think I made my point quite clear. So if that's the only reason he wants to take me to dinner, why does he still want to when he knows he won't be getting anything out of it at the end of the night?

OP posts:
EleanorHandbasket · 31/05/2010 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 19:50

Forgive me, but are you really that desperate for attention that you will go out for a meal with someone you 'really don't trust'? I can see what he means now by your playing games. And honestly, it's not a good trait, and one which could end up with you in a very bad situation. I really think you need to think hard about why you are happy to have attention from this kind of person? You sound just like someone I know who can't bear to be on her own, and as a consequence has one relationship after another with people who treat her like shit. WHy do you not feel you deserve better than that?

EleanorHandbasket · 31/05/2010 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

katycarr · 31/05/2010 19:56

I accept that I am old but I have never in my life had to make it clear to a man that I will not be sleeping with them. They have known that it is not on the cards for a long time.

He may be a really really lovely bloke but I think he suspects you will get drunk and shag him.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:56

Hurley "You sound just like someone I know who can't bear to be on her own" That's the opposite to me actually. I suppose I'm quite scared of commitment. Whenever people have got close to me in the past it's like I press a self-destruct button and do something to jeapordise it.

I'm also one of these the glass is half full type people. I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt at least once.

Eleanor That's what I thought, but he says he wants me to stay sober. And he knows I will definitely not be sleeping with him. I told him I wouldn't be sleeping with him Saturday and was pretty pissed and still didn't so it's not like he thinks I'll say I won't sleep with him but will end up changing my mind.

OP posts:
Malificence · 31/05/2010 19:59

Have you got a sister? then you could conceive your babies together in the sheep barn.

HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 20:01

'I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt at least once.'
There's a saying you know
'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'
I didn't explain myself very well with the relationships thing. I didn't mean 'relationship.' I mean more hopping from one to the next, and being self destructive with it. You have to be able to see that this is a problem? Ar eyou trying to convince yourself you are indestructable, untouchable? When in fact, deep down, you're scared that noone wants you?

Original poster
nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 20:07

Hurley I wouldn't say I hop from one bloke to the next really. In the last months I've slept with 3 people.

OP posts: