ive just sent dh an email, now im worried, he'll see it when he arrives at work soon

[nailpolish]

the story so far

thursday - dh goes out with his mates drinking as one of them has just had a baby, so its a 'head-wetting'. fair enough. but he says to me "wait up for me will you, im not taking a key, ill not be late"

so i did, til 130am, he says they got carried away playing cards. he didnt even phone or anything, i was getting worried so eventually called him at 120am , he was on his way home. i had stayed awake cos i was worried if i fell asleep i wouldnt hear the doorbell.

saturday, my mum had agreed to babysit so me and dh could go out for a meal, but it transpired i had to work. my mum still babysat, dh came along to the pub (where i work) and had a couple of drinks, then told me he was going home. he said "ill wait up for you". i got home at 1am, he wasnt home yet! so i called him, he said he was still in the pub, had met a couple of mates on the way home. he asked me to come along, i said i was tired but i went anyway. when i got there i said "ill have a drink, leave the car and we can get it in the morning" he said, "oh, ive told all my mates youll give them a lift home" and they were all standing there waiting to go! so he hadnt asked me along for a drink, just to give them all a lift home! (but he denies this)

yesterday - he goes out golfing with his mates 11am til 4pm, leaving me at home to look after the girls (again). at 4pm he call and says "were in the pub, why dont you come down" so i did. the girls were having a fairly good time, but dd1 (toilet training) did a poo in her pants, and dd2 was getting hungry so i say "im away home to give the girls their tea etc" he goes in a major huff, and i get a bad name, for apparently 'making' him come home with me (i had told him to stay and finish his pint, i would take the girls home) we argued in the car and havent spoken since

he left for work this morning without us talking, and ive just sent him an e mail saying along the lines of "i just want you to understand things are hard for me, looking after the girls monday to friday 6am til 7pm, then going to work 4 nights a week til 1am, doing all the housework, and now it seems fetching you from the pub, looking after the girls while you play golf/cards etc"

what do you think i should do? its too late for the e mail

ill do it then emily, thanks

when you have finished chatting I think that Flossam idea is great - go out and take your mind off things. When I am upset the worse thing I can do is stay at home because my mind goes into over drive.

I do agree that you should have a night out just for yourselves on a regular basis, whether it's a walk in the park or being out to eat, cinema etc. It's very important that you both put into your relationship and not just take out.

I also think that you should have girlie night outs as well. Once a month would be good. Just so that you can remember who you are and have fun.

I think his reply shows that he is trying and maybe the reason for the MSN chat is that he knows it needs to be sorted asap. Make the meal and have a good talk. Know in advance what you want to say so that it doesn't turn into a free for all shouting match.

It will all come good. I feel it in my water.

oh thanks marslady, that was a lovely post

do you think nights out/together should be arranged well in advance? we only have my mum to babysit, she is a very busy person, but is willing to babysit

do you think i should ask my mum to babysit say, every month for me and dh to have a definite date for our night out?

and i should arrange with all my friends for say first saturday every month?

NP - what a result - I think this post should be re-titled 'How to sort your dh out when he's going through a juvenile stage'!!!

Yes!

Do you know any lovely responsible teenagers? (If you lived closer I'd share my list with you). Then you could have a night out together a week.

If you can't manage to get out once a week, then get a film and a takeaway once a week or make a really special meal (set the table properly etc).

Yes! Book the girlies night and tell DH that it's sacrosanct and he can't be out that night.

Remember to include this in tonight's convo.

Let us know how it all goes.

thanks everyone

i hope we can have a civilised discussion tonight and sort some things out, please all cross your fingers for me

x

NP - good luck for your chat tonight we will be rooting for you and hope it works some stuff out x

hang on .. I have to say that holding out for an apology would be a little semantic .. I think that was a lovely caring email and it sounds like you both feel you have a relationship / family worth fighting for

good luck in sorting things out

twig, i realise an apology is not what i should be expecting at this stage, the e mail is much more than an apology really.

thanks all for being positive for me

NP, how did you get on.?? Personally I think he should have apologised because although he says he understand you etc, it doesn't look like he does by his actions iykwim...But thats my opinion.
Hope it all went well.

we ate, chatted, talked, laughed and snogged. we have a plan, but whether we (or I as is probably the case) manage to put it into action or not is another thing

thanks for asking, shhhh

good, glad it went well.

I hope you arranged your regular nights out, and I hope you stick to it. I think it will help.

Glad all well in the nailpolish household.

Glad it went well NP.

no worries, just glad it all went well. Somtimes little problems end up big problems (NOT that I was saying it was little iykwim) but even I am gilty of this.... I need to sit and think before I speak !!
I hope it works out as planned (by you or him.!!)