Either I'm being paranoid or he's trying to make me think I'm crazy

[ChickenPsyc]

DP has always said that I've said/done things when I haven't. But lately he's doing stuff that just doesn't seem right to me and its actually making me question my own sanity.

Example : Last week he brought home 2 packs of "bakes". One pack was chicken, one was cheese and onion. So he was putting some in the kids packed lunches and he asked me "which pack shall I open, which one do YOU want?" I said "cheese" so he opened the cheese packet (although I didn't see him do this). Next day he's at work and I'm eating this bake and it was BLATENTLY chicken. I mean, it didn't just have a slight taste of chicken, it was full of big chicken chunks. I just thought he'd got them mixed up and let it go. When he came home he asked how the cheese bake was. I said "nice, but it wasn't cheese, it was chicken". He burst out laughing and said "err no, it was cheese! you must be getting mixed up". I said "no, it was definately chicken! it had big bits of chicken in it!" he then said to the kids "what bake did you have for your lunch kids?" and they replied "cheese". Dp giggled and walked off. I KNOW mine was chicken but they were all apparantly from the same pack which said cheese on. All night DP made out that it was just my silly old brain playing tricks.

Anyway I let it go. Last night he took the other packet of bakes from the freezer and said "here look ... CHICKEN ... you see that, right? It says chicken ... agree?" he then asked if I wanted a chicken bake leaving out for my lunch for today. I said yes.

Anyway, I've just eaten it and it was blatently cheese.

Ok I know this sounds ridiculous and petty but why the hell would someone swap the bakes around and then rip the piss out of someone?? He MUST have swapped them, but why?

He does other stuff too. But this one is stressig me out because Im wondering "maybe I am going nuts afterall". I feel like he's trying to confuse me. If I question him, he'll say I'm paranoid and then I'll feel even more like a psycho

Write it down. Every small thing he's doing to you. Gaslighting is the WORST form pyschological abuse. It's controlling, manipulative and will destroy your self-esteem. You will start to distrust your instincts. The fact you are still posting here for advice, and I suspect validation, says to me you're unsure or in shock about what's happening.

You have a house and kids with this man and may well be afraid of the future if you leave - but do you want to live with abuse? You need to stand up for YOUR feelings, wants and desires. In 2 years time will this be any better? Something has to change.

Mittz: he is NOT right. He's the only one who makes you feel like that. You can interact with other people normally, you can look after your children (most of the time you know you can). Ergo, it's him. If he cared about the DCs he would not have let his anger at you cause him to cancel seeing them; especially if he really believed you had mental health issues, he would not be choosing to leave them alone with you! He is using his own children as sticks to beat you with, which is nothing short of evil. And then he pretends to be your best friend, the one you can turn to when you are upset, even though he caused the upset. He is a disgusting piece of work. Please try to get some support, some external validation for yourself - a health visitor perhaps, if your DCs are young enough? Reclaim your sanity while you still have it - right now you're only confused and you can get out of this. You must. Don't let the bastard win.

I don't know as much abut the OP as some of the other posters seem to but sadly, even though something in you questions what is happening, this becomes (and if it has echoes in the past as sadly it often does with our earlier relationships) what we believe to be 'normal' and despite ourselves can become addicted to that kind of treatment.

My Ex is very much like my Dad and they get on massively well. My Dad was the same and I think I have found it hard to completely walk away because so much of my 'conditioning' makes it feel weird without it. I find it hard to express. Like being addicted to something that is wrong.

I like not being on the roller coaster, but sometimes I think I get drawn back in because it makes me feel 'validated'.

It was the posts about protecting my beautiful DC's that hit home and made me strong. Not considering my own needs. It is like there are two Mittzes. The one that all the advice makes sense to and looks to the future, and then suddenly I am drawn in despsite myself and she just evaporates.

I am in counselling and on AD's Annie. So I am trying.
But it is harder than I thought.

OK, glad to hear you are taking sensible steps to look after yourself. Of course it's going to be hard, if all your life you've been conditioned to accept this kind of treatment as normal; you've got to unlearn most of the things you spent a lifetime learning, no wonder you feel a bit cast adrift at times. May I suggest you take a peek at the Narcissistic Personality Disorder thread? Several people on there have described exactly the same as you, about being addicted to unhealthy interactions with parents/partners, though some took many years to realise it.

For those of you who can't understand why the OP is still with him, I shall put on a tweed jacket and smoke a pipe a la Sigmund Freud.

She is experiencing two conditions known as Stockholm syndrome andlearned helplessness which has a robust scientific evidence base. In addition she has an unhelpful attributional style which means she genuinely does doubt herself and has trouble believing what we are saying, even though to us it is self evident.

When (please god, there has to be a when) she leaves, she would benefit from a course of cognitive behavioural therapy which will help her correct her unhelpful cognitive bias.

Unfortunately she may well experience complex post traumatic stress disorder, but this responds well to therapy and short-term medication (too many possible links).

I know this because of my clinical training, but it still didn't stop me experiencing seven years of similar abuse.

That is the end of today's lecture, class dismissed.

chicken - this and the playfighting thread make troubling reading. hope one day you follow the advice of many of the wise ladies on here and start getting support from womens' aid.

Mittz - to me it rings massive alarm bells this cycle of nasty/nice - I believe that a decent person wouldn't show their nicest side only when their partner/ex was vulnerable - a decent person wants others to live happily - sure they will try and support their loved one's through troubled times, they won't almost be seeming to enjoy it...

Chicken, would you mind playing Sherlock Holmes for a little while? (You could borrow Queen's tweed & pipe.) Post here about a few of the oddnesses that happen in your life, as they happen. I think we'd enjoy it, if that's the right word, and we can make a game of it. Collect evidence when you think of it - examples: Check the supermarket receipt to see how many packets of bakes he bought; use your phone to take a picture of the socks when you've put them away.

Then we can look at who's bonkers