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Original poster

Painful sex

29 replies

Namechange4this1 · 27/05/2010 10:29

Sorry have had to namechange.

I have a problem with painful sex and I've never suffered with it before, just with current DP. He is "larger" than average and we have to buy larger condoms etc but I find it quite painful.

The worst bit is the "soreness" down there, especially the next morning but also during sex my stomach starts to hurt sometimes. If we're doing it "doggy" style (sorry It REALLY hurts me inside, again around the stomach.

This isn't normal is it? I mean, he's not freakishly big so it shouldn't cause this many issues should it?

As an example of it, we had sex last night and I won't be able to have sex again for around 2 days. Not normal I know. Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 27/05/2010 10:32

Are you using plenty of lube?

What about different positions where you can be in control of how deep he goes etc ie going on top?

TBH things haven't been quite right for me since I had the children.

Original poster
Namechange4this1 · 27/05/2010 10:34

I'm a bit reluctant to use extra lube as I thought it compromised the effectiveness of condoms?

We do try a few different positions and it will feel ok for a while and then all of a sudden I'll get a sharp pain my stomach, let out an instictive "whinge" and he'll roll his eyes as if I'm just doing it to be awkward!

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 27/05/2010 10:41

I think that most lubes are compatible with condoms, it says on the label whether they are or not. I think, I haven't used condoms for donkeys years.

That would help any friction burn type problem but not the stomach pain thing. I'm not sure what the stomach pain thing is TBH. Sounds like maybe he's boshing your cervix or something, when you get going. Maybe he is just too big? i certainly wouldn't recommend doggy if he is huge

Actually that's a thought - I read somewheer that if you use a cock ring it means that he can't penetrate you so deeply- maybe sometihng like that would help.

Does it hurt when you get going and he goes in deeper or is it quite random?

Am a bit at him being when you are in pain.

There must be a solution!

SambuccaKelly · 27/05/2010 10:41

KY Jelly and similar are perfectly safe wioth condoms. In fact, spermicidal lube makes sex even safer.

ImSoNotTelling · 27/05/2010 10:41

have you googled?

Malificence · 27/05/2010 10:42

It could be that you are having that kind of deep sex at the wrong time of your cycle, I can't have it for a few days after my period as I get similar symptoms, the stomach ache etc. I also get what I would describe as irritable bladder, After ovulation I'm fine though. Or, you might be getting too deep, too soon, you've got to be really aroused for something like doggy as the top end of your vagina will expand the closer you get to orgasm. Try doggy style with your hips up and your head/shoulders right down, it opens your pelvis up more.

If he really is that large, you could get him a doughnut style, thick cock-ring that will keep him an inch or so outside you but he'll still feel like he's all the way in.

I agree about using lots of lube too, but then I would.

Disenchanted3 · 27/05/2010 10:42

He knows you are in pain and rolls his eyes and carries on?!

He sounds lovely.

Malificence · 27/05/2010 10:46

I'd advise against using spermicidal condoms becuase the spermicide is a strong irritant, that could be causing the external soreness.Water based lube is fine for condoms, put a little inside the condom for him too- it makes condoms feel better.

Anniegetyourgun · 27/05/2010 11:55

I'm more than "a bit at him being when you are in pain" - I'm appalled. Wouldn't a considerate lover actually give a fig about whether his partner is suffering? Wouldn't he want to find a way of doing things that you could both enjoy, rather than resenting your interruption of his fun? In fact, wouldn't any man worthy of the name stop as soon as he could if he heard his DP squeaking in discomfort? I wonder if it makes him feel good knowing he's too big for his woman.

I'd worry a lot more about his attitude than the dimensions of his genitals tbh.

Malificence · 27/05/2010 12:10

I missed the rolly eyes bit , that's more worrying than the painful sex tbh.

The OP hasn't said he carries on regardless though, has she?

ImSoNotTelling · 27/05/2010 12:13

She hasn't said that he doesn't stop when she signals that she is in pain.

We don't know whether his rolly eyes is a fleeting momentary reaction of disappointment when he immediately stops and lovingly tries something else. Or whether he is ignoring her and carrying on regardless.

Irishchic · 27/05/2010 13:19

I would say go to your doctor and get yourself checked out to rule out any medical reason, painful sex can be a symptom of something else more serious.

CheekyPinkSox · 27/05/2010 13:23

I have this. I am currently under the Dr to find out why it hurts and also i have irregular bleeding sometimes after sex and in between periods, A few weeks ago i had an internal examination and was told i have a 'lumpy cervix' and that couold be the reason for painful sex. Speak to your Doctor about it and tell them it hurts. I also feel sore for about two days afterwards too.

ImSoNotTelling · 27/05/2010 13:36

Good advice from nikita and cheekypinksox there, it didnt cross my mind to get it checked out by the doc

HairyWoman · 27/05/2010 13:40

I have an inverted womb (discovered in routine exam) and consultant told me it can make sex painful. For me 'deep' sex is painful and especially doggy style, a really sharp pain deep inside, not a soreness or ache.

secunda · 27/05/2010 13:42

I second HairyWoman, I also have an inverted womb and 'deep' positions can be painful, although not all the time, I think it depends on my cycle. Missionary is good because it's difficult for them to get too deep and you can also control by pushing back on their hips

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/05/2010 13:42

Endometriosis can make sex painful as well. Deep pain during sex should always be investigated further by a gynaecologist (not your GP as such problems are not within their remit).

Also endometriosis can cause all the symptoms you describe so it is in your interests to seek such a referral to a specialist.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/05/2010 13:43

The second para is addressed to cheekypinksox in particular.

CheekyPinkSox · 29/05/2010 09:58

Theres Fibroids(SP) in our family so it could be that. Most of the women on my maternal side of the family have period probs due to this.

My nana (Mums mum) died of Ovarian Cancer at the age of 46. I have had this for some time, i have mentioned all my worries about the Fibroids and the cancer in the family to the doctor and she is dismissing it all. She gave me tabs and said if they don't work, to go back and she will send me to gynecology for extra tests etc etc.....So we shall see, but il let you all know on here how it went on

CheekyPinkSox · 29/05/2010 09:59

Im so frustrated about what treatment im getting at docs, fobbed off with tabs here there and everywhere im thinking about contacting Embarrassing Bodies lmao!!

ShadeofViolet · 29/05/2010 10:07

What Disenchanted said - he sounds like a real charmer OP!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/05/2010 10:33

Many women have a retroverted uterus (I think you mean this rather than inverted) and do not suffer such problems.

Would urge you all to seek proper answers from informed people, certainly not GPs like the one that Cheeky has got. Fibroids too would not cause such deep pain to arise but endometriosis would. Problem with endo is that many GPs are ignorance/unaware of it and its usually only diagnosed through laparoscopic surgery. Blood tests and scans do not detect it either.

CheekyPink - I would insist to your GP that she stops faffing around as of now and starts the process of referral asap. Tablets do not address the CAUSE, its the cause that needs to be determined.

beanlet · 29/05/2010 10:39

My ex was larger than average, as well as being a bit insensitive (nice man, just clueless), and sex was always painful in both ways you describe. If he went in too deep I had to hold my stomach to stop it from hurting. As a result, I'm definitely not a fan of big penises!

I suspect if you've not had this problem with previous partners, then it's not a medical problem, but a size compatability problem. If you don't address the problem now, you will start avoiding sex because of the pain I did. You need to use lots of lube (no problems with condoms these days, as long as you use something like KY jelly), and you must find positions where he can't penetrate you too far and tell him when it hurts, and tell him he can't go too far inside you. No doggy style, no ankles over your ears IYKWIM

beanlet · 29/05/2010 10:41

PS -- I don't have a retroverted/inverted uterus, fibroids or endo, or any other physical problem; it was just his size that was the problem.

nancydrewrocks · 29/05/2010 10:51

My DH is quite large and I do get this sort of discomfort sometimes. The soreness can be helped with plenty of lube and the stomach pain by avoiding deep sex (doggy style definitely a no no) in the days around my period.

So IMO this is all quite "normal" however his attitude is not: it stinks and you need to sort that out before you worry about the sex.