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Original poster

6 months on and I still miss hiim...

26 replies

BistoBear · 23/05/2010 22:27

back story here

6 months have past since I broke things off with ex-p, no contact apart from a couple of text messages. I still miss him like mad, not in a sitting at home moping and crying way. More of a I wish he was still here to share the good/bad times with kind of way.

I have organised for us to meet up on Thursday evening, I don't know what I hope to achieve! I have picked my uni place and will be moving to the other side of Scotland after the summer.

I have no idea why I'm posting this either! I still love him and although I am very happy with my life at the moment I don't like the fact that he is no longer in it, if that makes sense.

I guess that I'm hoping that he'll say he's missed me enough to want to move things forward? But he might still think the same as he did 6 months ago I could be setting myself for more heartache! Either way, at least I can move to uni knowing where I stand.

This has ended up rather rambling! Oh well, sometimes it's good just to write things down and then review in the morning...

OP posts:
purplepeony · 24/05/2010 08:08

I think you need to accept that 6 months is a very short time to get over a 10 yr relationship.

When I split with my ex fiance- he dumped me- it took me a good couple of years and i went out with loads of men in that time. I kept busy- but they were never "him". (We are by the way stll in touch 35 years on- his 3rd wife has left him and he says his marriages have gone pear shaped because I was "Miss Right" and he just didn't realise it.)

Go back to your original post and see why you dumped him; he was a commitment-phobe from what you said.

He couldn't give you what you wanted- and if he did, he would have been back like a shot during the past 6 months.

I am sure that he WILL have missed you- but missing you and being willing to commit are two different things.

Are you prepared to go back to someone or keep holding out hope for something which doesn't seem likely to happen?

AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 08:11

good advice from pp there

I also don't know why you have arranged to meet him...why are you contemplating rubbing salt in your wounds ?

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 19:09

Thanks for the good advice PP, you speak a lot of sense. I can't go back to the way things were, I wasn't happy with the situation.

AF - why have I arranged to meet him? I guess I'm hoping that he'll have changed his mind! We were exchanging texts a few weeks back which culminated in me saying I missed him and him saying he missed me. I text that this was silly, was there no way he would change his mind? He replied back that he would always love me, so I replied, you'll always love me but not enough to commit and move in together, I love you but I want more than you are willing to give - where is the solution? I don't think there is one^?!?! He then replied the solution would be for him to grow up a bit!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 19:13

so is he going to grow up ?

or maybe he just likes to have his ego stroked every so often...by you

he has no intention of being what you want him to be

how long are you prepared to wait for him to "grow up" ?

best to just cut the ties...unless you want to continue hankering after something that ain't gonna happen

and while you are doing that, the right bloke for you might just miss his chance !

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 19:15

Oops, I pressed post instead of preview

OP posts:
Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 19:23

I hope to find on Thursday if he is ever going to grow up!

I know you are right AF, the main reason I picked a uni 90 minutes from here is an attempt to cut all ties and start a fresh. Meet a hot doctor who'll sweep me off my feet

Maybe Thursday will give me closure? If he's still being a commitment-phobe maybe that'll help me move on?

OP posts:
purplepeony · 24/05/2010 19:40

How old are you both?

If it is ANY consolation this is exactly what happened to me and my ex- we were engaged at 20, he broke it off saying he was too young to commit , but he still loved me. I didn't understand the difference.

He still regrets it- been married 3 times- two wives left him ( 2 marriages were rebound ones) and he left wife no.2. he is now looking (possibly) for another try with me. I've been married 25 years now- not 100% happy or with soul mate but don't think I can go back.

I hope that this guy of yours realises what he is losing- but you can't force it- if he is not ready, he is not ready and you have to accept that, heartbreaking as it is.

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 19:43

I'm 33 and he's 38!

I can't help but think that if he's "not ready" at the age of 38 after 10 years together he never will be!

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 24/05/2010 19:43

If he really wanted you he would have said so by now.

Meeting him will only strike his ego and break your heart.

AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 20:42

bloody hell....he sounds like an immature sod, tbh

don't let him keep you dangling...are you the reserve or summat, in case nothing better turns up ?

I thik you need to find a little bit more self-respect, tbh

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 21:52

Fab - if he breaks my heart then hopefully that will help me move on, if that makes sense?

AF - Thursday will be make or break time then I promise I will to be more self respecting

I'm wondering whether I should cancel Thursday? Don't know if I can live with the "what if"...

I'm thinking of telling him that I love him but I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to grow up. I'm going to get on with my life and I will meet someone new who wants what I want. It's his choice if he no longer wants me in his life, I'm not going to waste anymore time on him (after Thursday )

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 22:14

well, good luck

not sure who you are trying to convince though....

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 22:22

You are too clever AF

I appreciate your wise words and the good luck. Will let you know how it pans out....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 22:25

aww, BB

I really do wish you well...it pains me to see blokes treating women badly

be a strong, Amazonian woman !

you don't need him !

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 22:54

I don't need him but I want him real bad

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 23:13

look, BB, they all have a cock you know

there is nothing unique about his cock, even though he might think it is gold-plated

Original poster
BistoBear · 24/05/2010 23:18

AF! That really did make me laugh out loud

I'm off to bed now, thank you for ending my night with a laugh

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2010 23:21

night x

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 25/05/2010 13:09

IME a broken heart doesn't always help you move on.

purplepeony · 25/05/2010 15:09

you are just wanting closure...

maybe that is what will have to happen for you to really move on.

Conundrumish · 27/05/2010 18:18

Are you still meeting him Bisto? Good luck if so

Original poster
BistoBear · 28/05/2010 21:28

Hello

Sorry I haven't replied sooner, have had a busy week at college so haven't been on here.

I met up with exP tonight, we went for a walk around the park with my dog and had a good chat. I was really proud of myself, I said exactly what I said I would in my earlier post about me still loving him but not compromising etc. He said he still love me and I said that's all well and good but I want and deserve more than that.

He asked if we can meet up again and I said it's for the best that we don't. I would love to see him again but it would be too easy to fall into that comfortable routine and I know we'd end up in bed together...

So, that's that. Not sure how I feel, I think I have the closure I needed but I guess time will tell. I feel strangely content?

Thank you all for the words of wisdom, it's always good to share and hear other people's perspectives

OP posts:
Conundrumish · 28/05/2010 21:33

Well done.

I hope Mr Right is round the corner. If he can't commit now, he's really not worth the effort.

Original poster
BistoBear · 15/06/2010 23:48

Evening all

A little update from me - ex-p phoned me last night and asked me to come round tonight as he really wanted to tallk. I popped over this evening and, to cut a long story short, he has asked me to move in with him!

He said that the last 6 months have made him realise that he does want to spend his life with me, he has been stupid but he is ready to grow up and show serious commitment.

I was more than a little bit surprised TBH but I'm also very happy and extremely proud that he has made this decision

We had a really good talk about the future and where we both want to be in 5, 10, 15 years time. We spoke about finances, mortgages etc. All very adult!

The only downside is that I'm leaving here on Friday to work in Inverness for 7 weeks so we wont have time for much of a reunion

So, I'm really happy that he's come to his senses and we'll be living together but I'm kinda scunnered that we wont see each other for 7 weeks but I suppose 7 weeks after no contact in 6 months is nowt!

Thanks again ladies, I really appreciate the support you have given me, both in this thread and the one back in November.

OP posts:
realrabbit · 16/06/2010 06:27

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