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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pls can I vent about the DV family next door

46 replies

Sparks · 23/05/2010 18:41

It's a hot day, the windows are open and I can hear everything. I hate it! And I have the whole summer to look forward to of hearing him abuse his family.

Just now I had about 20 minutes of hearing him taunting his dd. And I have heard much worse

They have lived next door to me for 10+ years and it's been going all that time. I want my home to be a place where I can relax and unwind, but I just can't.

OP posts:
TheUsefulSuspect · 23/05/2010 18:45

move?

junglist1 · 23/05/2010 18:45

What a prick. Someone on here recently said whenever she heard violence next door, she'd play a particular tune loud enough so twunt could hear it. He knew then that someone was listening to him and wound his neck in a bit. Sounded like a great idea to me

dignified · 23/05/2010 18:52

Oh dear, this couldve been me you were complaining about a few years ago. I actually used to wish that someone would intervene. I think the fact that people could hear, but never confronted him or called the police added to his idea that it was completeley normal and ok.

Is there any way you could speak to him about this , do your dcs have to listen to it too ? These bullys usually stop immediateley when interrupted by a knock at the door or the phone ringing.

Would it be possible to aproach it from a noise point of veiw ie " please can you keep it down, your distressing my dcs ".

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/05/2010 18:54

Yes, maybe you could play "Behind Closed Doors"?

junglist1 · 23/05/2010 18:56

Is there a tune called ugly bullying wanker?

Original poster
Sparks · 23/05/2010 18:58

The thing is, I'm scared of this bloke too, have seen him threaten another neighbour. I am too scared of him to speak to him about it tbh.

Just now, when I got fed up with hearing him taunting the dd, I tried closing one of the windows to shut out the noise. It didn't really work noise-wise and then I heard the mum telling the girl off for whinging and blaming her for the noise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparks · 23/05/2010 18:59

lol at junglist's tune

OP posts:
TheAccidentalParent · 23/05/2010 18:59

I would def inform social services - that is emotional abuse, and you can do it anon if you fear reprisals.

Disenchanted3 · 23/05/2010 19:02

Call social services, you can do it anomynously (sp?)

I did it recently.

The will visit him and it might make him re-think.

Katisha · 23/05/2010 19:05

If he threatens family and also neighbours, presumably you could go and talk to the police?
You are in an awkward position. Perhaps some intervention is needed as his policy of threatening everyone is clearly working and that poor DD will carry on getting the abuse.

booyhoo · 23/05/2010 19:10

i would be stupid enough to go and tell him to shut his f**king mouth so the rest of us could get some peace and quiet but i know that mightn't be the most sensible thing to do. i hate bullies though, i prefer to face them and let them know i hate them and risk the wrath.

SheikYerbouti · 23/05/2010 19:15

I agree that an anonymous phone call to Social Services is in order.

How old is his daughter?

BelleDameSansMerci · 23/05/2010 19:18

Do you have a neighbourhood police team? I think it might be worth contacting them.

I had a similar situation a while ago. I did confront him and he smashed all the lights on my car and then waved a pick-axe around threatening to kill me and then DP. He was arrested and taken away for a night in the cells. It didn't lead to any big changes, tbh, but he did leave us alone after that.

I never wanted to report him to social services as I thought it would be awful for his wife but, now I know a bit more about how they actually work (anecdotally anyway) I would be more inclined to do so.

Original poster
Sparks · 23/05/2010 19:20

Daughter is 8, son is 10

The son once told me and my dd about how the dad hits him. I phoned NSPCC that time.

I think they had some involvement with ss before, but don't know what came of it. When I have spoken to the mum before, she just acts embarrassed.

OP posts:
SheikYerbouti · 23/05/2010 19:22

How awful for them (and for you having to listen to it all)

It's a difficult situation all round because people are scared of him - Do you know if the NSPCC did anything about it?

booyhoo · 23/05/2010 19:24

phone ss every time you hear the shouting and say you are concerned.

dignified · 23/05/2010 19:30

When it escalates into loud shouting i would phone the police. Your neighbours wont know it was you who called them and it will only have to happen a few times for him to stop.

Second what others say about the neighbourhood police and ss.

Original poster
Sparks · 23/05/2010 19:33

NSPCC didn't pass it on to ss that time. The woman I spoke to consulted a colleague about it, but they decided not to take it further. The reasoning was that the man would deny everything and it would then be my word against his.

OP posts:
Katisha · 23/05/2010 19:34

Well that will surely ALWYAS be the case?
ANyway - go and chat to police - we're not talking about 999 calls here. Go into police station and explain situation and ask for advice.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 23/05/2010 19:34

Record him and then call social services. No child should have to live like this.

nappyzoneloveschinesefood · 23/05/2010 19:40

I would report to the different agencies so someone does something - health visitor, police, soc services.... DV makes me sick.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 23/05/2010 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FessaEst · 23/05/2010 20:27

I have had a very similar situation, the shouting and arguements next door eascalated and escalated, so one night I rang the police. They came and spent quite a long time with the family and things calmed down for a while. A few of our other neighbours thought we should have left it alone, but the Mum came round and thanked us and said she understood how it must have sounded. She tried to reassure us that "his bark was worse than his bite", she has since moved out and they are divorcing. Unfortunately, the Dad continues to argue with the children when they come to stay, and I was woken the other morning by him screaming at his DD that she was a spoilt bitch and other emotionally manipulative/abusive statements. I am not that happy to approach him tbh, so am considering contacting our local police again.

You have my sympathies.

SleeperService · 23/05/2010 20:38

I'd be careful about calling the police - we used to live a couple of doors down from a complete who was horribly aggressive to all and sundry, including wife and daughter.

One night there were awful sounds coming from their house, so about 1 am I called the police.

They then drove round flashing lights, TO MY HOUSE. They rang to doorbell, to ask which house it was I'd complained about...

TheLifeOfRiley · 23/05/2010 20:52

I have called the police after hearing my neighbour before. I explained I was a close neighbour but wouldn't give my house number which they were fine with.