I know I'm being petty but.....

[DetectivePotato]

I don't want to be constantly asked if I am ok by DH.

I'm sat, typing away or reading, he is watching the tv, he is ALWAYS asking me if I am ok. Grrr

Then there is the constant blowing kisses. We have been together for nearly 10 years. I don't need to still be constantly blowing kisses to him. If I don't do it back, he will do it until I do. Its annoying!!!

We still say I love you each day but I don't feel the need to say it several times a day and at least 3 times before we go to bed.

I'm finding it slightly suffocating and I feel like a total bitch for even thinking it but it gets on my fecking nerves.

potato, my dh is like this as well.

I think he is just making converstaion when he asks me "are you ok?" all the time hehehe!
Thought it was sweet at first but now 17 years on, its kinda worn out a bit.
Its habit as well,

I dont mind so much, i would worry if he suddenly stopped it all though tbh!

Tell him about the differences in how you were brought up - it is making him insecure that you don't act like him because for him that is what people who love each other do and say!

Tell him how he can be sure that you love him - if you express it in different ways, tell him what these ways are!!

If you don't develop a better understanding on this it will be destructive to a greater or lesser degree.

"I know how you feel,do you know when I go to work in the morning we kiss/cuddle goodbye - thats great but then ....
I get into the car - we have to wave and blow kisses
I reverse out of the drive- he waves again
I start to go foreward - he waves again
I start going down the road - he's still bloody waving !! "

This is what we both do when the other one drives away - I thought it was normal. I would be gutted if he just drove off without waving. I'd think I'd done something to annoy him.

My parents do it also when we leave the house, they wave for ages - we also do it when anyone leaves the house - we will wave at the window.

One time my dad was being picked up by a friend to g to his choir rehearsal and my mum waved him off. The friend questioned this as if it were not normal, and then said it was really sweet - his wife would never wave him off apparently.

Having said that, being asked every ten minutes if I am OK would bug me too, bu the blowing kisses is sweet. I would just say "You know, you really don't need to ask me if I'm OK all the time - I'm fine".

My "resting" face is a bit grumpy too, so sometimes I get asked if I am OK in a concerned voice and I just look up, all surprised and say "Of course! I was just concentrating."

I know someone who isn't very comfortable with silence, and at one time would say "You ok?" almost as a fill-in without really meaning it.

I don't think it was about needing to check others were ok all the time - more about her own issues - not wanting to spend too much time in her own head, preferring to have conversation about nothing than silence.

I think it became a habit as much as anything, and habits can be broken. I did - supportively and warmly - mention it to her, and in the end it became a joke between us so that she'd catch herself saying it and then laugh.

However, if you think that mentioning it would upset him, maybe the only other answer is to find a way to deal with it that stops you feeling irritated.

If you're only recently feeling discontented about this, and it has always happened, maybe you should spend a bit of time asking yourself how you're feeling about the relationship. I know that sometimes when things are difficult, one's mind can focus on the niggly things so as not to have to deal with the bigger issue.

I hope that you find a way to address this that works for you though - I do know how maddening little quirks can be!

There is middle ground between being suffocated by love and starved of it and that's where most of us would wish to be I should think. I personally think that saying 'I love you' and blowing kisses constantly can somewhat devalue the sentiment and become almost a knee-jerk conversational tic. I feel for you OP - it would drive me mad. I would talk to him about it before you become obsessed!

Thanks everyone. Some great advice here that I definitely need to take on board.

I am getting a bit fed up, I will admit. Everything is so routine and I am as lazy about it as he is, plus I hate changes to my routine which is probably another reason why I don't change the way I act.

TBH, I think we do need some outside help with our marriage. I did mention it to him once and as usual I didn't get an answer to a serious question. He avoided the actual question and told me I just need to open up more (which yes I do have major issues with but he isn't an open book either). I feel our problems go a bit further than me just not opening up but he seems happy to drift a long when I am getting more and more fed up of it.

I do feel sometimes that I settled, met when I was 18, married when I was 21. Thought if I didn't grab the first man who came along I would never find anyone. I do feel now that it is getting to me more and more.

Hmmm, didn't mean to get so serious with this thread, but some of the advice is making me face up to some stuff I think.

he sounds very odd.

Detective I am very sympathetic to you because I was your husband (not literally, but..). I went through phases of this behaviour with my partner. It is insecurity. I could sense when I was annoying him but sometimes that compelled me to do it more! I can see why it is irritating, it must feel like you are being tested all the time.

I would suggest talking to your partner. This has helped between me and DP. Maybe say something like "I love you so much and it worries me that you seem to need to check that's true so often. Are you OK?, I'll tell you if I am not. And I never get the chance to show you how I feel because you get in there first" etc Follow up with demonstrating affection frequently.

And see if you can learn what's at the route of it for him. In my case I had an overbearing yet loving mother and an unreliable, bipolar (yet caring) father. I wonder if your DP has had reason to feel he will be let down.

My relationship with DP is much more relaxed and natural since he approached this with me. So don't feel bad about your feelings.

Also DP comes from a very formal family ad we have developed ways of expressing love which work for us both. Blowing kisses def still "allowed".

Sorry cross posted with your feeling that your marriage needs some more work/outside help. Hope it is useful anyway.

Yes, all advice is welcome and useful. Nice to see from the other perspective too.