Dh and I had a row on Tuesday night and I don't know how to even begin to make things better. It was about the fact that I had to get up very early on weds morning to drive 5 hours to get to a meeting, and that I wanted him to help me get the childrens things ready for the morning (book bag, school lunch and nursery bags, uniform etc), he was doing the school run instead of me. I was upset that he wouldn't, when I had just done all the above (as usual) for the last two days plus two evenings of bath and bedtime as he was either playing golf or having drinks with friends after work.
None of that excuses how I behaved however.
When he refused to acknowledge the fact that I had a problem with this and basically ignored me, looking at the computer, I got more and more irate until he finally spat the words "ok I'll f*g do it just stop f*g going on about it" I guess I should have stopped there and be satisfied that he was at least going to help.
But I kept on wanting to talk about why (I felt) he was being so unkind- I even helped him get his golf kit together that morning before work ffs- blah blah blah blah snipe snipe etc. I was being rather controlled and reasonable about this however I didn't rant and rave. More of the same from dh, ie he continued totally ignoring me unless to say shut the f* up I am doing what you want fgs now go away.
Not proud of this but I was holding a towel and ds2's nursery bag and slapped his back with the towel a few times and chucked the bag at him, totally out of anger and frustration before storming off. So unlike me I don't know what happened.
He refused to come to bed that night, slept in the spare room and has refused to talk to me bar the odd text telling me how angry he is that I lashed out at him ever since
I feel so remorseful and ashamed about this, as he points out if the shoe was on the other foot (which it never has been- I trust him 100% not to be violent towards me) this would have been a hideous event. Although it didn't hurt him physically I've obviously really done some damage. What's nearly the worse thing is that I didn't even realise until he told me that it was the fact that I'd lashed out that was winding him up. "If you were a bloke you'd feel sorry for your wife" is what dh said and he's right.
He still doesn't want to talk to me or see me (we work fairly close by to each other and I wanted to see him at lunch time, plus I stayed in a hotel last might as planned because of my meeting on the other side of the country)
Am I able to make this up to him? I feel dirty and scared about this and don't know what to do next