Did you leave your husband for another man and if so did you regret it or was it the right decision.

[howsad]

I was getting along fine in my marriage of ten years, or so I thought. Then bank out of the blue I met someone who turned my world upside down. I fell head over heels in love (or so I think, could it be lust) and he loves me, which I do believe.

One minute I can see myself being with om living happily and believing that love will conquer all but then other times I think how can I do this to my dh. Leave him and split our family. We have young children how will this affect them. Am I so so selfish that I am even considering splitting my family. If I stay with my husband will the feelings for om die eventually. At the minute I cant have sex or touch my husband its so unfair me hurting him like this.

I never thought this would happen to me but I belive I love the om and he loves me.

I am waiting for an appt with relate and hope to see things clearer then but would like to hear of anyone who has been in this situation.

I am in absolute turmoil over this.

Oh my, where do I even start?

As someone who has been on the receiving end of this, please know that it does not feel good to bel used to, it really erodes trust at a very deep level and you are essentially being disrespectful to your partner and you are assuming that your partner cannot handle the truth, which in many cases, being transparent and honest about your feelings could actually not only save your relationship but also it would allow you to go deeper.

That said, please stop reading if you are together with an abusive fucktard, dump the mofo and take some time to heal from this.

If, however, you are a fairly normal human being in a workable relationship and the monotony if married life (with or without kids) has gotten to you, read on! If you believe to be with the love of your life, please read on even more so.

1.) Trust that your partner can handle the truth, it will make you feel closer. I‘m not saying this is an easy thing to do, but by all means, avoid beating around the bush, especially if your partner has suspicions already.

2.) After the talk, give yourselves some time to see how you feel and by all means, grow the fuck up and start insisting I monogamy, especially if you are hardly having sex anymore anyway.

3.) Think about what you are losing, especially if kids are involved, if you simply dump your partner. Yes, I know, a lot of positive things about your partner are hard to acknowledge in the throws of the everyday wind-and-grind, monotonous life most of us get stuck in, but you know what!? This person is actually showing up for you, all of you (the good, the bad, and the ugly!), so you oughta just kiss the ground your partner walks on, seriously! Anybody can be infatuated with somebody else, chances are the new will eventually wear of and the good, the bad and the ugly will show again, on both sides.

4.) If you feel like you have a good thing, a good partner, to begin with, please stop day-dreaming and wake up, true love is for real and it isn’t always easy. So if you are good together, talk openly about your crushes, don‘t sweep things under the rug. If you can handle it, open up the relationship, it may just back-fire in a positive way and make you realize what you‘ve got at home....or maybe this is what you need in addition to what you have at home. Bottom line is: deal with it openly, assume responsibility for your actions, behave like a grown-up and treat your significant other like a grownup.

ZOMBIE

OP- if you are still around 7 years later: I hope you got away from your abusive husband safely, and that your children have come through it all ok. Did things work out with the OM?

Yes. The marriage was abusive but that’s not an excuse for the overlap really. Still with the other man, and now happily married with kids, 15 years on.

I have no sympathy for cheaters who take their partners for granted and leave them when their needs are fulfilled ............. You all should be ashamed of yourself...... If this has happened to you, you would have felt the pain.......... Just go to hell you all infidels......... Remember one thing, children are not good at expressing themselves at young age...... So this is definitely going to affect them

Well the thing is those who love deeply can hate more deeply if their trust is violated.......... People who never laid hands suddenly become violent, in such cases, fault is in cheating partners who generated such things in their partners

Zombie but Archil that’s utter bulldhit. The victim is not responsible for violence

Then why are there no past record of any violence of many cheated on partners who later became violent due to their spouses infidelity .....it indicates that they were provoked, they were not born short tempered ...it happens when your closest person cheats you... Other People take cases of adultery very lightly unless it happened in their lives...........

I’m getting the feeling you’ve been violent in the past and are looking for justification 🙄

If you read this zombie thread, you’ll see her husband had been violent in the past. Making up random stuff doesn’t change that.

WTF have I just read?

Mumsnet, sort it out

Reported

8 years on and it's easily the best thing I ever did. I always wanted to leave, he just gave me the strength and the reason. The overlap was less than a month and i am not ashamed of it in any way. We are the happiest couple I know.

I left my ex for DH - we didn't have any problems and I'd never thought of leaving but I fell in love. Been happily re-married for 10 years and have absolutely no regrets.

I hope you left op.
Your H is or was an abuser.

Hi all,

We're going to close this thread now. It was started back in 2010 and keeps being reactivated by dodgy spammers...