Zombie threads are useful for people who are looking for stories like their own. We don't know the end of this story though.
Reading these posts doesn't much faith in humanity. Having been betrayed by my wife, it's scary to see how some of these women present an image and have other women rally around them. Seems to me that people are simply seeking validation from anonymous strangers because they know they can't find it in the broad circle of close-knit relationships they are now destroying.
What these posters don't understand is the being betrayed is traumatizing and creates a roller coaster of emotions, especially if your spouse is like the original poster and trying to play both sides and get the best of both worlds. It's really sad these women who think love is that giddy feeling you get when sneaking around and having stolen moments outside a loving, normal relationship with all the trappings and security of marriage. I don't see much insight here, just women who try to justify themselves and others. It's not right for a man to take a walk on the wild side and drop his pants while chasing rainbows; women shouldn't be enabled either.
The OP was acting like a pig. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. She was abusing and mistreating her husband, and my guess is the constant deception and trickle truthing and gas lighting made him snap. It can make a lot of normal people snap. It doesn't me they are abusive.. it means they've been abused and could not maintain control. I don't condone it, but they've been violated in a fundamental way. I've been there. My ex brought a man into our home and into our bed, and I'm sure she was writing the same kind of gooey but "woe is me, who do I choose?" messages to confidants and message boards. She robbed me of a choice, she risked STDs with me, caused me to doubt the paternity of one of my own children .. and all for what? A fantasy adventure?
No, it's not "normal" to just walk away from someone who cheated on you, especially when you have children and you've been blindsided. A common theme here is that cheaters claim they haven't been happy for years (often despite evidence to the contrary) and they woke up to new feelings of love and adoration. Basically, they were bored with their routine and flushed their families down the toilet for some sex, infatuation and the chance it might work out with another guy. I'm sorry, but this makes you a terrible spouse, an incompetent parent and an extremely narcissistic individual. You're not thinking about the pain you've caused, only the pain you can escape. Most cheaters try to avoid the subject of the affair during counseling, often hide it, or blame the marriage or the other spouse. Any men reading this.. if this person sounds like your wife, run away. I know you'd like to save your family and your wife, but she's not the person you thought she was. And if someone shows you who they really are and how little they think of you to mistreat you, you HAVE to believe them. Half of these women are being used by the OM, they just don't know it yet. OM are good at picking out the naive and vulnerable ones.