how often do you have sex?

[superv1xen]

sorry, i know this is nosey and probably TMI!!

i have been with my dp for 3 years and we have a one yr old DD and i also have a 4 yo ds from a prev relationship....when we first got together we were absolutely mad for eachother and would do it at least once a day (often 2 or 3) - just couldnt get enough. we both said we had never fancied anyone as much as we did eachother or had such good sex. i never knew sex could be like it. i was with my ex since i was a teenager and he was shit! just didnt have a clue.

and this went on til i got pg with DD and even throughout my pregnancy we would do it most days. and once she was born we were at it again about 2 weeks after (i had a c/s) and then it went back to most days.

but now, in the last few months, it has gone down to - it makes me feel sad to admit this - probably 1 to 3 times a week its still really good when we do do it, but i miss the closeness, i miss feeling like the sexy girl i used to feel like in the first year or 2 when he wanted me so much. he made me feel like some kind of irrestible goddess.

dont get me wrong, he is still as loving towards me and we are always cuddling and stroking and holding hands and things; but the sexual spark seems to have died a little bit. when we have sex i can feel it is still definitely there, i just wish we did it more often.

i am partly to blame because i am sure if i "made the moves" on him more often we would do it more; but i like to feel wanted, so i am guilty of waiting for him to make the first move. and i am scared that if i did "seduce" him he might only be doing it coz he thinks i want to!

i always used to be so dismissive of people who moaned they didnt have enough sex, or had stopped having it, i used to smugly think about me and dp "that will NEVER be us!"....i just want to get back that massive sexual connection we had in the first place.

I think 1-3 times a week is above average when you have 2 dc under 4!
Its hard to keep that sexual connection going, especially when you've been together a long time and life and dc just get in the way.
I'd say stop waiting for him to make a move if you want it more often and go for it. He might be feeling the same and wanting you to pounce on him.

Honestly? I have no idea, some weeks loads, some weeks not so much. Exhaustion is a big passion killer. Don't sweat it. If you want more then tell him and do soemthign about it yourself. He is probably being very considerate of how tired you must be and not making a move in case he is knocked back so go for it!

3 times a week is loads for a couple with 2 small kids, once a week is also very good going.

I am also avoiding the question

1-3 times a week!!!! If only!

we are lucky if it is once a week, but we do have a 5 month old. Even before that it wasn't much more than once a week, but we have been together for 10 years and at the beginning, like you, we couldn't get enough of it!

However, we both (when i was working, before i went on mat leave) work long hours and are knackered much of the time, so guess sleep is higher on our list of priorities that having sex. it is still good when we do make the effort, but wish we could somehow find the energy to do it more often.

It might be nice to seduce him once in a while so that he feels wanted too. He may even be making moves less often because he's afraid you are tired and stressed enough without his "demands" to cope with.

I think you're doing rather well.

birthdays and christmas

I think you have to wise-up.

Sex at the rate you were having it in the first couple of years does not last. Full stop.
Ther is scientific research that shows that after 18-24 months together, sex dwindles with almost all couples.

Sex 1-3 times a week id average/quite a lot.

I think you also have to be more confident- you sound quite "young" if it's okay to say that! In a mature relationship you shouild both be able to make the first move and not be upset if the other partner says they are too tired- it's not a personal rejection. You just need to be honest and say that you don't want him to feel under pressure to perform jsut because you are feeling horny.

Sometimes my DH makes lunges at me when I am knackered and I just tell him to go and jump- nicely- and vice versa. Sometimes one of us says we are tired but after a bit of foreplay we change our minds! It's no big deal either way as there is always tomorrow.

I have friends who have been married for over 20 years and due to the relationship issues have not had sex for 10 years. She isn't bothered, but he is.

There is a huge variation!

Doesn't matter how often I, the postman or the weird bloke in the park for that matter, has sex. I am not you, dh is not your partner.

What matters is if you're happy. If you're not, look at why and talk to your partner.

Different people have different needs. I need daily gingerbread for example. Your gingerbread needs do not affect this need.

You're doing fine, especially as the affection is still there. Try not to see it as a reflection on your connection together- it isn't. I bet you could up the ante significantly if you had a night away in a hotel/ short romantic break- because you are still just as close. Sex just ebbs and flows with the other demands of life- don't worry about it.

well i have no interest at all when i'm breastfeeding, nor when i'm pregnant. so dh and i have actually not had sex since ds was conceived.

ds is now 6 months old and we also have dd who is 4.

neither of us are fussed.

i'd say 'normal' for us after i'd finshed bfing dd and before we conceived ds was maybe 2 or 3 times a month. this is partly because we work back to back so don't actually see much of each other!

I was going to post along the same lines as PP, as long as sex doesn't become a bargaining chip or a matter of control, saying no occasionally should not be a big deal - if you make it the "rule" that the refuser is the one to initiate sex the next time then that can take some pressure off too.

Keeping closeness and intimacy going is more important than how often you are having sex imho. If you feel loved, supported and valued, you're more likely to be in the mood for sex, but if you're not, that security will sustain you through the "lean" times.

I suspect you know perfectly well that 3 times a week with 2 small children is quite good going, and are being frankly disingenuous!

Ha ha, 1 to 3 times a week......that's way too much for me. I have 3 kids, 2 of whom wake frequently. I work evenings and am frankly knackered and the last thing I want is someone pawing at me.

About every 10 days on average. Amongst my friends, that's good going.

I was thinking the same thing. Checked the spelling to see it wasn't a name changer called Malafience.

Anyway, my husband has just pointedly gone to bed, so in the spirit of the thread I should be following him.

(different time zone)

We have it a few times a week but my dcs are older and often with their dad.

I really think you're both doing well.

We are lucky if it is 2-3 times a week, when he is here! It's not realistic to expect it every minute of everyday and with 2 kids.

With a 3yo and 7yo - every 3-6wks.

have gone much longer - many many months -with a newborn.

1-3 times a week would be exhausting for us!

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

1-3 times a week, we are lucky if it is 1-3 times a year.

popping off now, because DH is hovvering!

Our problem is that we need to make time for each other. The DC take over, work and house and family stuff too.

Might seduce DH tonight, it is my birthday tomorrow after all!

The important thing is that you are getting enough cups of tea. And gngerbread.

oops in my haste ... that should read 1-3 times a month not year!