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Original poster

how often do you have sex?

51 replies

superv1xen · 19/05/2010 11:21

sorry, i know this is nosey and probably TMI!!

i have been with my dp for 3 years and we have a one yr old DD and i also have a 4 yo ds from a prev relationship....when we first got together we were absolutely mad for eachother and would do it at least once a day (often 2 or 3) - just couldnt get enough. we both said we had never fancied anyone as much as we did eachother or had such good sex. i never knew sex could be like it. i was with my ex since i was a teenager and he was shit! just didnt have a clue.

and this went on til i got pg with DD and even throughout my pregnancy we would do it most days. and once she was born we were at it again about 2 weeks after (i had a c/s) and then it went back to most days.

but now, in the last few months, it has gone down to - it makes me feel sad to admit this - probably 1 to 3 times a week its still really good when we do do it, but i miss the closeness, i miss feeling like the sexy girl i used to feel like in the first year or 2 when he wanted me so much. he made me feel like some kind of irrestible goddess.

dont get me wrong, he is still as loving towards me and we are always cuddling and stroking and holding hands and things; but the sexual spark seems to have died a little bit. when we have sex i can feel it is still definitely there, i just wish we did it more often.

i am partly to blame because i am sure if i "made the moves" on him more often we would do it more; but i like to feel wanted, so i am guilty of waiting for him to make the first move. and i am scared that if i did "seduce" him he might only be doing it coz he thinks i want to!

i always used to be so dismissive of people who moaned they didnt have enough sex, or had stopped having it, i used to smugly think about me and dp "that will NEVER be us!"....i just want to get back that massive sexual connection we had in the first place.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 19/05/2010 14:35

Op is a joke right ?
of course 1-3 a week is more than reasonable.

ShowOfHands · 19/05/2010 14:43

I don't get nearly enough tea. Suggested some kind of counselling or bartering system to fix it, but no it's the elephant in our relationship.

Malificence · 19/05/2010 14:53

Oi! Who's purloining my name?

I can't honestly remember how much sex we had when DD was little, not much I imagine, DH reckons we went nearly a year without sex once - but when he left the forces he was working 60 hours a week on nights so we could buy a house, shift work is the worst passion killer ever.

HeatherRuss · 19/05/2010 15:53

Me and DH were exactly the same as you for the first 2 years we were together, always at it.

Our little one is now 10 months, and I honestly can't remeber when we last had sex. At first I was dissapointed, as I have always had the higher sex drive but when we talked about I realised it was the intimacy I missed. Now, we still rarely have sex, but we cuddle, kiss, hold hands etc throughout the day and I dont think either of us miss having a regular sex life, we just see it as a bit of a special occasion thing.

Original poster
superv1xen · 19/05/2010 16:07

thanks for the replies

although i think i feel worse in a way, i don't want to accept that, thats it, the honeymoon constant shagging phase is over

why does it only last 18 months or so? thats JUST NOT FAIR.

no wonder so many people have affairs or dump their partners once the excitments gone. sulks

oh and to the poster who asked how old i was, i am 30, so not that young. does that make any difference??

OP posts:
piratecat · 19/05/2010 16:11

once every 4 yrs.

oh, sory that's the last time. hope it's not a regulat thing.!!!

yes i am single, and have been for 4 yrs!!

TheButterflyParty · 19/05/2010 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piratecat · 19/05/2010 16:17

from my exp, when i was in a marriage, that honeymoon thing sometimes came back for a few weeks. Then would go again.

I think if you are both happy with the quality of it, then thats great.

maybe you could attack him more often, get the ball rolling, and that in turn would make him think of you as being the 'sexy girl i used to feel like'?

Once he knows you still desire him, it will make him desire you even more?

lucky buggers the lot of you !!

nikki1978 · 19/05/2010 16:21

Blimey I LOVE sex and I couldn't be arsed with once or twice a day. And I would probably end up with cystitis

We have sex about 2 times a week - sometimes more - and that seems to be quite a lot in comparison to my other friends. But we are very flirtatous and cuddly and kissy most of the time so I don't feel the need to be bonking night and day.

Why are you so sad this stage is over? Is there nothing more to your relationship than passion and sex? You get over that honeymoon stage so other parts of your relationship can develop!

nikki1978 · 19/05/2010 16:22

Oh and I agree that you will go through periods of going at it more.

PfftThePinkoLeftyDragon · 19/05/2010 16:29

I agree that you will have ups and downs - you will go through periods of stress or disinterest when you will not have much, and then periods when you are having it every day. It's part of the up and down of marriage.

It's worth remembering though that you can't expect your sex life to just look after itself and generally, the more sex you have, the more you want to have sex. I find that if we get to the week stage with none, I could go another 3 weeks without.

At the moment we manage 4 times a week.

snugglejunkie · 19/05/2010 16:32

Superv1xen, this is why it only lasts 18mths-2yrs
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4669104.stm

After 15yrs and now with an uber-teething 6month old, I'd have to answer your original question with "not a right lot"

Not an issue though - has always gone through phases and fits & starts. Only a problem if you're not both on the same page and can't talk about it.

LeQueen · 19/05/2010 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RooBear · 19/05/2010 16:56

used to be every other day, now I'm pregnant its about twice a week, I really wouldn't worry about it, make sure its quality not quantity sex, if your worried about losing the excitement, thats what we do!

TopsyKretts · 19/05/2010 17:03

Ah, if you start thinking that the honeymoon period is over and that's a BAD thing, then you are looking at it all wonky.

It is a GOOD thing. The honeymoon period is like a hormonal rush which has the effect of creating a strong close bond. What you do with that bond is up to you. If you never deepen it and feel the trust and love that comes with understanding illness, being tired, or simply wanting to be fresh for some hard work in the daytime so you can both further your future together, then you have kind of missed the point of even entering a long-term relationship. Love and desire and adoring each other are about much much more than just shagging constantly.

Regular enjoyable sex, and being close and affectionate are hallmarks of a happy, sexually close relationship. But that does not usually mean the sort of twice-daily shagging that might have characterised the beginning of your relationship.

Do you want to be stuck at the beginning forever?

Moving into a new phase together is a good thing, and in no way means that you have to buy him a pipe and slippers for his birthday.

BritFish · 19/05/2010 17:34

about 1-3 times a week is about normal, but then our DC's are 17&19 and either at uni or at their girlfriend/boyfriends so yanno!
and sometimes we go a week or two without, then realise and well...
the more sex you have, the more sex you want IME!

Chandon · 19/05/2010 19:47

After about 15 years we are down to 2-3 times a week, which my DH thinks is too little, i should show him this thread!(have 2 young DC)

cupcakesandbunting · 19/05/2010 20:10

OP I wish I had the inclination to have sex 3 or 4 times a month. My DH would think he was in seventh heaven if I put out that much

anotherglass · 19/05/2010 22:55

I am depressed! Dh and I have not had sex for 6 months. Prior to that 4 or 5 times a year would be average. We have been married 11 years with two ds 7&5. Lack of sex is the elephant in the room for me.

thesecondcoming · 19/05/2010 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 20/05/2010 01:11

I was reminded of this keeping it romantic

snugglejunkie · 20/05/2010 09:06

What TopsyKretts said.

sunshine2010 · 20/05/2010 09:30

we do it about 4 -5 times a week. suits us both and gives us something to do as we cant go out drinking every night anymore now we have kids. Its free entertainment.

sunshine2010 · 20/05/2010 09:38

That sex chemistry thing isnt true at all. We text each other dirty stuff most days from work or when I am at home with the kids. I want to have sex with him now more than I have ever wanted to, even with us having kids,us both working and having been married 6 years. The more you have the more you want and I still get horny just being in his presence and think I always will.

Malificence · 20/05/2010 10:05

It makes me sad that some women still see it as "putting out" or a duty, it should be a shared pleasure, something to look forward to.
I agree with sunshine, if you keep sex high on your agenda and think about it frequently, you're likely to want it more.

That's assuming that you have a happy and equal partnership and sex is actually good with your partner.

We're down to less than once a week atm, due to DH's back problem, he has to stay off the painkillers for a day beforehand because they affect his libido that much, and then of course he suffers afterwards. He's back at work now so staying off the meds isn't an option.

If you're both young, fit and healthy, don't waste it, you don't know what's around the corner. Make the most of it, life really is too short. Just ask Trinity.

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