Toxic mother and WWYD

[runt]

I am 41. From my earliest memories relationship with my mother has been very difficult. She has a very cruel temprament. I am for the first point in my life at the point where I think I will break contact off.

Latest incident was very unpleasant and left me feeling as if I had been physically assaulted. She wrote to me, recorded delivery, cancelling an agreed visit and returning various paraphernalia

For the last two months we have not been in touch.

Cons
I don't want to prevent her seeing my dc's, but I recoil at the prospect of contacting or seeing her but do not want to involve the c's. They are still very young.

Pros
The latest incident is just one in a long line of incidents that were appalling for me.

Anyone cut off contact with a prent, btw I am one of 4 c's and I doubt they will follow xsuit - too much money at stake.

Sweeteness, your NOT comfortable with what youve said otherwise you would be willing to discuss it further , youve simply made the decision that its no longer up for discussion so that you remain right.

Youve also stated that you didnt wish to offend but then right ahead and offended again. Thisishowifeel is absoluteley correct in saying this is what abusers do.

I dont usually define others but seeing as you have i thought i might have a go. Was going to throw in a bit of gaslighting too, but dont think i can be bothered.

Are you also emotionally abusive to people in real life ?

[applauds Dignified]

Hardly necessary to ask your closing question.
However, I remain committed to feeling sympathetic to those who re-enact the abuse they have suffered ... from a safe distance.

You have my sympathy, "sweetness".

My mother is just another human being. As such, doen't deserve any special dispensations for treating people....her own child....appallingly. Oh and don't think that she hasn't had devastating effects on all kinds of peoples lives....she certainly has. And is doing NOW.

If you have a problem with mother/daughter roles in life, "sweetness", then that belongs to you, and you alone.

Actually, you have done me a favour.

This is the first time I have stood up for myself in this way...I hope that runt has got something positive out of this exchange too.

Good for you Thisis, you have every right to decide who you do and dont want in your life , and being related doesnt give people special rights.

I note sweetness said she also had a shit childhood but then went on to say despite that she cared for her dad in hospital.I think most people could refer to their childhoods being a " bit shit " , meaning they occasionally got grounded or something, she obviously just wanted a whinge and doesnt really have any idea what your talking about , hence the flounce.

Dont take any notice, she sounds like an older lady and the older generation often feel hard done by.

Maybe she IS my mother!

Dunno but she definateley sounds similar to my relatives . Maybe she,ll be back to tell me what i said, or what i think or feel.

ahem!!
< older lady and the older generation often feel hard done by >

Grace feels 'defined'. Flounces.

Thisis, hurrah for your new experience of sticking up for your pov!
runt, dunno what you've made of all this, but one thing's for sure ... you are so not alone in choosing to disconnect your mum

Sorry Grace, it was a tongue in cheek attempt at defining , thought id have a go and see what its like.

Seems sweetness has taken to following me around picking up on my spelling in a unpleasant manner rather than address what was said here. Anyone recognise this sort of behaviour ?

Anyway, ive been defined as a bad speller !

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This has all gone a bit aggro

Sweetness, are you riled up by this because of your experience? You are coming across as a bit chippy- is something bothering you? Genuine question.

Yes you have all the signs. Its true cos i red it in the papor.
Your klearly upset abowt wot waz sed earleier on this thred, insted of adresing it you make silly remarcs abowt spelling. If your not kapable of having an adult diskushion thats your problem.

Is it really so hard to say " Dignified i am offended at what you said earlier ". Do you usually resort to expressing your feelings in this way ?

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Sweetness- you are sounding increasingly bizarre. I haven't suggested therapy. Perhaps put the wine down though, eh?

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People who engage in provoking are usually trying to transfer their negative crap feelings onto others. Your bad mood is yours and not mine , you keep it thanks. You might be better trying to get an emotional reaction from a member of your family , people on the internet dont care what you think about them enough to get upset about it.

And i quite like the name Digsy, will bear that in mind, cheers.

I'm not arguing with you! So how is anybody losing? I was asking why you seemed to find this such a hot button topic to the point where you get so aggro. I genuinely felt concerned that you were going through a difficult time. But now I'm tending towards thinking that you are just looking for a fight, so I will bow out, as it doesn't seem appropriate on somebody else's thread asking for support and advice.

But hey, if you really want to square up, my jacket is off and you can start the thread

I will bring vodka.

I like Digsy too

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Not up for taking this outside then?

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Its not really apropriate on someone elses thread, but it might serve to educate people about WHY some people choose to cut others out of their lives, or what it means to have someone define you ect and attempt to wind you up for their own satisfaction.

Sorry, ive been judgemental presuming your in a bad mood. Your clearly not.

Goodnight Digsy, and runt- I wish you well

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