A friend letting you down

[kittya]

Has anyone ever had a friend who makes arrangements to go out and then calls at the last minute to say she cant make it? yet when it is something she really wants (like getting set up with a potential guy) she always seems to beable to make it? (find the money, get a babysitter) I wouldnt mind but when its a planned night out and tickets have been bought its a complete waste of my money. Its happened about 10 times now!! How do I handle it without having a fall out?

Mm... get the money for her ticket in advance? It might not stop her cancelling, but at least it won't be at your expense.

she can't say no. stop asking her. you could ask her for the cost of the ticket.

Its a shame because she always seems so up for it. I cant be bothered to ask for the money just incase she is broke and thats why she cant come. Its always practically on the day that she backs out instead of afew days notice. I do feel bad as Im sure theres more too it. I will stop though. Thanks.

some people just can't bear to say no. they'd rather string you along and make a crap excuse at the last minute. don't ask her for a while, and see if she asks you to something instead. if she doesn't, you have your answer

If it involves blokes, she'll ask me. I think its quite selfish really, this is for tomorrow night and she still hasnt told me she isnt going.

so how do you know she isn't?

she does sound like a bit of a user to me.

I can just tell. Not answering the couple of text Ive sent asking about it. She's known about it for months. Its very difficult when someone keeps saying they cant get a babysitter on the actual night and yet the babysitter is in place when its something they want to do. I wont ask again.

If you make a plan in future for something that requires tickets, get her to buy them and tell her it's so if she backs out again, you'll won't be left short!

Def sounds like she's using you I'm afraid. Maybe make your dates with another friend and don't include her but when you see her tell her what a great time you had. She'll see sense and realise what she's missing pretty quickly.

this is the most annoying thing in the world... i cannot stand flaky friends... the fact is they generally arnt your real friend.. if they were they wouldnt let you down..

Especially when there are very few of us that are single at the same time! everyone seems to be coupled up. Thats why I like to try and arrange things. If it was me, I would just say I cant go straight away. It is mean really.

Just got the text message now. Sorry I cant come out to the gig tonight I cant get a babysitter. We have had the tickets 3 months. I just replied what a waste of my money and I cant go myself now, its too late to find someone to go with.

Thats it now. Never again.

'How do I handle it without having a fall out? ' - I'd just have a fall out, or drop her I'm afraid. That's no way to treat a friend.

how completely fucking crap.

did she respond to your text?

bloody aught to be ashamed of herself.

ought even. dammit.

I agree with many of the posts here:

1. Don't ask her anymore.
2. Find someone else to go with, even if they go for free.
3. Don't be afraid to "have a fallout" with someone like this. They know most of us don't like confrontation & that's how they get away with treating you like crap.

I find once you've confronted this sort of situation once it gets easier to do so again, then you don't keep getting treated like a doormat. And remember, you've done nothing wrong your frenemy has.

I had a friend like this. I stopped bothering, and don't miss her at all now. Occasionally she still asks to meet up, I say sure why not?, but then she never takes it any further. Just forget about her and move on to someone less self absorbed.

I can still go but havent got anyone to go with. Its a gig and not everyone is into the band so, they wont even go for free. Besides, doesnt that make them look like a last resort? Its hard on a school night for some people to go out. I wont ask her again, I keep bloody doing it. I never got a reply, if I did it would go along the lines of "you dont understand how hard it is on your own" and, quite frankly, I do but 3 months was enough in advance. Ive realised the meet ups only happen when its something she really wants to do or somewhere she wants to go to. It is upsetting that I make such an effort. Sod it, Im going to go on my own. I can stand near the bar!

Yes, and you never know who you might meet

Its true and it should be easy in a pub to blend in!! this might be the new me!

enjoy yourself!!

It was a really great night!! dont think I could make a habit of going out on my own though!

Ah, good for you! Takes a lot of guts to go out by yourself, I'm really impressed that you did, and glad you enjoyed yourself!

well, the fact that there was a band playing and thats why people where there made it alot easier! I dont think I could just pop down to the pub on my own randomly! I was pleased with myself

I have a friend like this ... if i call her she will text back saying that she missed my call but will call back later ....and doesnt. Pulls out of nights out at the last minute - drives me mad. Even today we arranged that she would come after school so the kids could play together (my son was really looking forward to it) ...got a text at 1pm ...saying she cant make it !! ARGHHHH
I have other friends but i do enjoy myself the most with this friend...and we have known each other 20 yrs... but she drives me mad !!

Kyttya ...wonder if you live near me !!! ;0)