Really sorry to bring young adult confusion here, but how to handle this

[ciaobellaxx]

I swear I'm not a troll, I'm sorry for posting on a parenting forum when I'm not one, I mostly like checking out cooking tips, money, AIBU etc... but if you can help a 21 yo with some advice, it would be heaps appreciated.
My guy and I have been together for 5 months. We're from different countries, I met him travelling in his and we moved in together for a month, I met his family, had a great time. So we're doing the long distance thing, everything seems to have happened very quickly. Sometimes his internet gets cut off, so he asks me to check his email and read it to him over the phone. My browser automatically saves passwords, so today when I went to check my email, it came signed in to his account. Hope this is enough background.

Anyway, so I found out yesterday he'd sent a pic of himself in his underwear in a sexually suggestive picture to two other girls - wtf? I don't know if they're friends or ex-gfs.

My question is, would you bring this up with him? Is it worth splitting up with him? I know he would be livid if the shoe was on the other foot. But I know I was wrong to go through his emails since I didn't have any right to look at them yesterday.

Yes, it's worth splitting up with him - can you really be bothered with a man who's going to prat around like this? You're young, you have no commitments to this bloke - move on, have some fun, meet someone who will treat you with some respect. Life really is just too damn short to deal with shit like this early in a relationship.

Or meet someone with a brain cell - you weren't snooping, he must have known (if he'd thought about it) that you might see the emails.

Yes, split up with the guy. You don't even need to give him a reason or tell him you saw his emails.

What is the point? Seriously?

The relationship will end at some point anyway, you might as well end it now.

you are 21.

you have only been with him 5 months

he has sent suggstive pictures to 2 other women

is it worht splitting over?

YES

do nt invest one more second of time in this man

find someone who has the good grace to treat you with respect

Dump. Although it might be interesting for you to see what sort of explanations he could come up with for this. Not for the purposes of believing him, just for the sake of comedy. It would be interesting to lay a little bet for yourself as to whether he went ballistic first about you "snooping" or if he waited until after the explanations.

Look at it this way, can you see a long term future with this fella? Obviously not yet, but possibly marriage/kids? Even if the answer is yes, is it still after this? It will always be there, he will always be the man who did this. I wouldn't waste my time with him, get out before you get in too deep. There is a million and one better men out there who would not even consinder doing this, and to be fair, even if he were single he doesn't sound very 'nice' if he is the sort of bloke who sends pics of himself in his knickers.

Don't waste your time. This relationship is a non starter. Fun while it lasted but not worth clinging on to. He's playing the field.

And stop worrying about your 'right' to look at his emails - you have a right not to be shat on and messed around by any man. Just be glad that you were able to uncover his deceit and move on now before you really get badly hurt.

Sorry.

yes, dump.

you can't trust him.

The fact you even have to ask says it all.

He is a moron I am afraid. When he knows you know the password and there is no reason for him to be doing that.

Ditch him.

What have you got to lose? He's not who you thought he was and you've only invested five months. Just dump him, no fuss, end.

Thanks everyone for your advice... I guess I know what I have to do. I just feel mostly sad about it, we've been through a lot together in such a short time, given up a lot for each other and he's never acted like this before. It really was a douchebag thing to do. But he was my best friend and I'll really miss him in that way.

wouldn't you rather be with someone who is your best friend AND trustworthy?

that's the thing - people can be perfect for a short amount of time, but over time you get to know the true person. that's why it's not wise to rush into things, no matter how good they seem. they gotta stand the test of time.

right. no more clichés!

alternatively,

you could overlook this.

But,

Do not lose touch with your friends whilst trying to keep on your toes for him.

Do not give up your career because you think you have a future with him.

Do not move house/country for him.

Do not trust him.

Do not marry him.

and

Never, ever have a child with him.

Keep him around if you enjoy his company but remember that you have had a great big warning. (just look at some of the threads in Relationships)

two other things, 1)how you came by the information is completely irrelevant and does not negate HIS actions

2. You don't have to be a parent to be on here...one of the great things about Mumsnet!!

Good luck.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I spoke to him briefly on the phone and later he sent me an email explaining (they are v. old friends, apparently), with apologies and I-love-yous.

I probably didn't explain it well in the first post, it's also quite a funny pic. But still, for me I think a line has been crossed because it wasn't meant for anyone else to see.

I have/had a ticket to go visit him in his country in a month... argh. I hate that being apart means I can't even speak to him about this in person.

In his country? What's his country? Why can't he get emails?

ditch

move on

however, I would n't have tken that advice when I was 21 so I suspect you will ignore us because you love him and want to trust him

but wanting to is not enough, sorry

sounds like you are going to continue with the relationship anyway.

what else would you accept?

he is probably sleeping with them.

would he be so understanding if it was he who had found pictures of you

get out while you can, its a slippery slope.

I dont think there is anything funny about suggestive pics of a partner with other women..

if he is treating you like this now, if you think this is all you are worth, he will treat you as badly as you allow him to

it is a long distance relationship too, whihc makes it more 'unreal' as it were

i am sure there must be plenty of nice blokes where you are..

I would like more information about thius man and where he comes from.

are you interested in some dirty pics, PP

marry him at once. wot a keeper.

Depends - You say it was 'quite a funny picture' so was he pulling a comedy face and were the pants an elephant posing pouch or something? If so, then actually I think you are over-reacting, sending a silly picture to old friends is NOT the same as sending a picture of his cock to women he has contacted via a dating site. That is, if he sent an amusing picture to friends he's not being 'unfaithful' he's just a bit of an exhibitionist in general.

Ahh. The many joys of yoof.

some knobs are quite hilarious actually

some do magic tricks and are really quite unique ...

does he have one of those kind of knobs, perchance ?